I realized that when my life is said and done I want everyone who ever knew me to smile at the memory of me, because it brings them peace to have known the person I was. Because I cared enough to spend my time, whatever money I had and whatever gifts God gave me to love them, care for them and make a difference in this life.
That I lived each moment with gratitude and fulfillment that who I have become is perfect and just enough to live an extraordinary life. To always make those around me understand that I was the one who was privileged to have ever encountered them along my journey – not them for knowing me.
That I may have never been rich...but that was never truly poor because I understood that God gave me all I ever needed to live a splendid life. To trust in him and understand that he knew exactly what he was doing when he created me and the path I was to lead. That I am divinely perfect just as I am. To be happy for all my imperfections and mistakes because those are what make you human and keep you humble.
That although I may have never lived or been able to afford a big house, I was smart enough…strong enough to know that I would never be alone within the walls of any home. For what makes a beautiful home are the people within it who fill it with love, not the size of the rooms.
I would be remembered as the funny chick that never got offended easily. Passionate, silly, crude with a dark sense of humor.
I may be remembered as the girl who was a wealth of useless information. Maybe I watched too many game shows growing up. I loved to cook for my family and hated to clean up. Remember me as the girl who would stand up for a friend or jump in to defend a stranger but still locks her own door just after dark. I was a hypocrite, selfish, unkind, negative, worrisome, don't always wash my produce, eat trans fats and sometimes take more then one sample. I am human. I am not afraid to admit I am imperfect. I love that I am not "finished" yet. I was wise, loving, sensitive, generous, kind, positive, carefree and ALWAYS washed my produce! Human beings are so much remember I was human.
I don't want or need to be remembered after I'm gone; because, to me, what I do while I'm here is the most important thing.
Having said that, I suppose I'd hope to be remembered for having been solid and strong, for having integrity, and for loving my children "more than any other person in the world has ever loved his children" (even though, in reality, I realize other parents feel as I always have).
I'd also like to imagine that every laugh I have ever laughed, and every laugh and giggle I have ever shared with anyone, will linger in the air; in view of the fact that those treasured moments cannot be engraved on a headstone.
I can see it already...through the tears (and there will be many) there will be laughter. My death will be a celebration of my life. There should be NO sad, funereal music, but something lively and lovely - something to tug at the heartstrings yet celebrate the next step of my journey. I will be remembered for my contributions to lessons learned and taught - some not so pleasant. I have true friends and my children rise up and called me blessed. They will celebrate me as their mother and mentor, not their friend, but their hero.
The escapades that I pulled that somehow seemed to all work out will be brought out and discussed as each one remembers.
The shotgun stories, the deer hunts where I never seemed to see Bambi. The things I did because I wanted to, not because I had to. I will be remembered, not for what I did, but for who I am.
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