I'm Lonely!

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   Davinagirl3posted 14 years ago

   I am doing the stay at home mom thing, and I have found that I don't have anyone to talk to during the day.  I am not sad, but I am a little lonely.  I miss the small talk I had with my co-workers.  Do any other stay at home moms have any advice?  I find it helps to vent on the forums, so here I am.

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   Mark Knowlesposted 14 years ago

   Well I am a stay at home non-mum - living in a foreign country. Will that do?
   
   

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      Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Point taken!

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   fierycjposted 14 years ago

   Sorry Babe.

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   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   I am a single mom n live 1200+ km from my family ...jus me n my sons...but I get on the phone, internet, forums, email, whatever it takes to shake the loneliness. How bout trying them joke sites? least make you smile or laugh.

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   Davinagirl3posted 14 years ago

   I am less lonely when I am on the forums.  It allows me to take a look at a greater scope of things that are not here in my house.  At first, I felt strange about being so involved in the forums, but I have found that interacting with people all over the world is a great form of therapy, and no less valid a form of communication.

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   sandra rinckposted 14 years ago

   Hey, I am right behind you.  I don't think I would spend so much time here if I wasn't a lonely mommy.  Cheer up.    Lot's of stay at home moms are on the internet shaking the lonely blues away.

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   frogdroppingposted 14 years ago

   Hmmmmm lol Davina I don't have one single person to call a friend (where I live) and so I understand how cut off you must feel.
   
   Plus the language barrier is a little unhelpful. I try but between the fact that I murder the language and no matter how many times I ask folk to slowwwwwww down when they're talking to me, I usually don't get much past 'I'm fine, and you?
   
   And - city living is tough wherever you are. Folks are always belting around or huddled in little cliques.
   
   Not to make me and my lack of company sound worse than yours. I'm ok with it, I don't mind me and my own company. And where you're concerned, you're probably getting swallowed up in parenting.
   
   You do kind of lose your own identity when younglings come along. Everyone around you has them and your converastions begin to revolve around who's child did what, when - and so on.

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      Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that is true.  Everything is different.  I never thought my own priorities could change so much.  I saw the thread about not knowing how to do "nothing".  I thought about it, and I can't remember the last time I did nothing.  Except for when I am sleeping.

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   Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

   It does take some adjusting too Davina , I remember thinking of all the things I was going to do when my youngest went to school!! and instead spent most of the day crying
   
   Then when I left my job last year ,it felt great to begin with , then that what Im gonna do with myself set in again!
   
   Have you thought about learning something new, beauticean , hairdresser ,tourism, just new interests bring new social contacts and that can be cool too.
   
   Actually Im not so much lonely although I do miss family being so far away , Im thinking of volounteer work ,just for a few months to get me out an meeting some new people. There is an old peoples home up an around the corner, Im sure some of those dear oldies wouldnt mind me reading or just someone to just listen to them. Yea listening might be better ,since Id be the one with the accent
   
   With so many unemployed too ,you wont be alone , advertise a coffee n meet thing, Id come if I was nearby
   
   Tried this site www.girlfriends.com when I first landed in the states, it was fun for awhile . I know some of them met up etc .

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   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   When my children were little I'd stay up late and work on projects that were "just mine" (writing with the idea of marketing it later, outlines for future writing projects, etc.).  It didn't involve socializing, but it did give me something that was "just for me" and that let me keep in touch with an adult world.  (I had a whole little "secret life" going.    ). 
   
   Also, I'd make it a point to go with only tv programs or radio programs aimed at adults (just "grown-up" talk and usually not fiction - like Nightline, the Sunday morning talk shows, anything that was "grown-up" talk).
   
   I found that even if I were out at the school or with other mothers of small children, the talk was usually about the children.  I did make it a point to get together with one of my close girlfriends (none of which were "school mothers" or "neighborhood mothers") every year (pathetic, eh?  They all had small kids and husbands too.    ).  Since I had four close girlfriends that meant I got to have a "real" conversation with them (rather than just my husband) every three months.     Believe it or not, though, doing just that much did help some.
   
   In fact, none of the above seems like much; but I was never lonely at all, so I guess it helped.  For me, it wasn't so much about having other people to talk about non-child stuff with as it was staying in touch with the "grown-up/non-mommy side of me". (Of course, I lived on less than 5 hours sleep - sometimes 3 or 4  - but it was worth not to feel "removed from grown-up life".   

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      Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It is so funny you would write this.  We watch Mickey Mouse and Sesame Street ALL DAY!

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    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    Get a parrot, a Solomon Island Eclectus Parrot, and frogdropping has a dragon to keep her occupied. LOL

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    \Brenda Scullyposted 14 years ago

    being deprived of adult conversation is not wonderful i remember it well. Lonliness is also horribl, i was really lonely all last year, thank goodness i found hub pages, but being lonely is the pits...
    
    i HATE day time t.v. and you can only go to the shops so many times can't you...... we are always around for you thank goodness, to releave the lonliness

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    lrohnerposted 14 years ago

    Davina, I was a stay-at-home-mom of 3 for many years. What I found that helped was simply getting out of the house. We would go to the park, attended gymboree and swimming classes, took walks on the beach, went to museums or the library -- basically, we spent a lot of time going to places where there were other kids AND other moms! The kids always made friends quickly with the kids they met, and I became friends with the moms. Lots and lots of playdates ensued and the loneliness became a thing of the past!

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       Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       I think this would be easier if I had a car.  We only have one, at the moment and my husband uses it for work.  I live in a small town with no public transportation and it is way too hot to walk anywhere with my 10 month old.  It is not so bad.  I get out one day a week with my mom.  We take the baby and go out.  It is just the days where I don't talk to anyone, but my daughter, that get to me.  I can't wait til she can talk!

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          Leta Sposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Eh, Davina, I come to the forums, I think, to relieve stress...my job, and living with the BF who has two tween/teen sons.  Always seems TOO much is going on.
          
          You could try biking with your kid.  I see moms and dads doing this all the time where I live in the evenings, when it is not so hot.  I also bike for transportation sometimes...  But!  Now I really have to run off (again) to an event I've gotta work.
          
          It's never perfect whatever you have, .

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          lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Hmmm.... I think perhaps it's time that hubby carpooled one or two days a week, or perhaps you and the babe could drive him and pick him up? You'll go nuts trapped inside the house!

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             Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

             I do drive him to work sometimes, but his job is about 30 minutes away, and he has to leave so early.  I would rather get a couple of extra hours of sleep and not wake the baby.

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    \Brenda Scullyposted 14 years ago

    don't yu just hate the work Lonely it is a horrible word even

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    ThePartyAnimalposted 14 years ago

    I am also a SAHM and it does get hard and I miss the social thing. All I can say is just don't lose touch with who you are - that can happen very easily so be careful. Get out with other moms when you can and away from the house.

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    Colebabieposted 14 years ago

    My mom was a stay at home mom. It would definitely be easier with a car. My dad would put me on the back of his bike. We went everywhere!
    
    I know your baby is still a little one. But I know when us kids were a little older (10,8, and 6) my mom and other moms started a club called "explorers" where once a week all the kids would go to a mom's house, or on a field trip. We went to bathtub beach and blowing rock beach, one mom was an artist and taught a class, one mom knew sign language and taught a class, my mom taught a cooking class etc. It was awesome and I could tell it did a lot for the stay at home moms.

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       Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       That is a great idea.  I love having my baby with me, and she is growing so fast.  I can't wait to be able to have adventures, but I want to keep her my baby, too.

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    Davina,
    
    Once school begins, do they have an Early Childhood Education program?
    
    We lived in a small town when my first was born, that program saved me!!!  Mom's meet together with their babies.  Or maybe their is a local MOPS group?
    
    I've been a SAHM for many years, I understand how it gets lonely.
    
    I agree about taking your hubby to work once or twice a week.  You do need to get out more

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       Davinagirl3posted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Good advice.  I will heed this advice, seriously.  Most everyone has said the same thing.  I am probably just feeling a little cooped up.

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    goodfriendiamposted 14 years ago

    No wonder your lonely, I found you the whole way back on page 14 of  forums post list ......lol Hi davinagirl3. How is your day going today? I remember those days. Sometimes talking to walls and sometimes to my dogs. I was lonely to. The best advice that I know, I can give you is, let up on yourself first, let the children go run and play. Don't worry that they are lonely, you are more then likely feeling this way because you are. Kids warm up to us more when we let them go their own way, in the house of course if they are small children. Stay on forums and chat with us when you can. I remember when I would finally get out of the house, it was usually to the grocery store, and when I would round the corner, the deli worker that would wait on me would going running, because I would talk his ear off about cheese and lunch meat, just because he was an adult and I needed that adult One on One attention.Kids are lovely but they can't share the deeper things of life that we all share. The grocery store story is true.....lolDee

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    love my yorkiesposted 14 years ago

    Well, I'm a stay at home dog mom. Does that count?  All of my friends work outside the home so during the day there's no one to talk to, no one to go have lunch with and yea, I just miss the girl talk.  It gets very lonely.  I am so very glad that I have found Hubpages.

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    Manila Girlposted 14 years ago

    I'm lonely too.

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    Lily Roseposted 14 years ago

    I'm with ya.  Me too.  What has helped me is joining a stay-at-home moms group.  I found a local group through meetup.com and it's great.  There's a calendar that's usually got "meetups" daily and at different times so I always have choices if I feel like getting out.  There's also a forum.  I love my meetup group - I have been able to meet many friends who live near me through this group.  You should check it out.

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