Why is it when you lend money to help people out of good faith...that they refuse to pay it back...
when you yourself need it?
Quite often they are focused on their personal situation and roll from one crisis to the next.
While you loan them money for this months crisis, next month's crisis is what they are paying attention to next.
If you continue loaning money to others, I would try and communicate often. Not to be a nag but keep it fresh in their head that you have the need to see your money repaid.
Because they're jerks. I'd cut 'em off. Not to get all JG Wentworth on you, but "it's your money and you need it now."
it's because they don't care about the debt. I've loaned people gobs of money in my life that was never repaid. You should only loan money out with the idea that you won't get it back. That way you won't hurt yourself financially. My boyfriend has loaned a very close relative THOUSANDS of dollars, and he is just so frustrated. I told him to forgive the loan so we can move on with our lives, but he just won't do it. It is a constant source of friction and it is especially hurtful right now when we are trying to scrape up enough money to buy our first house. So, lesson learned.. we just won't lend out money anymore. Sorry this happened to you!
People, more often than not, will disappoint you. In cases like you describe, had you investigated closely you might have found that their need to borrow money was a by-product of their own behavior...in effect they created it by not managing their own bad behavior in terms of money. Thus borrowing more money from you and failing to repay it is simply an extension of that behavior. In their minds, they cannot repay you because they are a "victim" of some hoax that some unknown someone continues to perpretrate upon their life. They cannot escape it but they are quite certain that they bear no responsibility in the effect that it has on their life and on yours. WB
Unless you are a bank you shouldn't be loaning money. There is a reason that people have to qualify for loans, enter into binding contracts, pay interest and put up collateral of sufficient value.
The simple rule is that any money loaned to friends or family should be considered a gift. If it is more than you would give them without any expectation of return it is too much.
If you are determined to loan money you need to have a binding contract with a schedule for repayment and collateral that can be seized for payment. but know full well that if you exercises that contract you will loose that person as a friend.
that's the human nature. God has created him yet he doesn't live the way he should. Ungrateful.
You haven't included a broken kneecap clause in your lending policy. All it takes is a quick visit to Home Depot and a 10 pound sledgehammer. Then they'll pay up right quick.
I think you really need to be careful when loaning money to other people. You certainly want to help people if you can, but sometimes people take advantage of your generosity, even if this is not their intention. You can pretty much guarantee that if you do decide to give someone a loan, you probably won't get it back. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to repay, but in my experience, I've only gotten promises in return. Only on one occasion did I actually get the money back. So now I only loan money as a gift, that is, I give it to the person and not expect anything in return.
depending how much money you borowed them, you could take them to concillation court. Go down to the court house in your county and tell them you want to file a claim!!! if they don't show up in court you put a lien on their name, it's good for 7 years, so within that 7 years they can not buy anything on credit until they pay the lien (you)!!
It's maybe because they are looking for love more than for money. If you let it go, they will have a right to believe that you think you owed it to them for all they've done for you, or you like them a lot and wish them well. They want to have the feeling that they have a true friend in this world, almost like a brother or sister who loves them. They are craving acknowledgment from others. When days and weeks go by without your asking for the money back, this reinforces their fantasy that you want to be their friend. It makes them feel secure. Actually, I think these same borrowers, if they are righteous people, will pay you back as soon as they get a financial breakthrough. However, you know as well as I that if they are vicious users, criminals of any kind, substance abusers, forgetful, irresponsible, insane, or desperate people, you probably won't ever get money paid back to you. That, I think, is the psychology behind what puzzles you. One of my aunties had a theory that most people fall into one or the other category: either they are givers or they are takers. There's an old expression, it's better to give than receive, but one exception to that maxim is that no one likes to get taken. Still, if you are up against an impossible type of person who refuses to pay you back, there isn't much you can do. If it's major, and is the kind of thing the courts should know about, you could go to small claims, or hire a lawyer, but I have the feeling your situation probably is a personal thing. I am sorry for you. The same has happened to me more than once, including times when I thought the person was honorable but they were not, and times when I just let things go because the person was a friend or a family member.
guilty to meet you, ashamed to meet you, no money to pay me back, take my kindness for granted, take me as a fool
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