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My Favourite Fruitcake Recipe

  1. profile image0
    ryankettposted 8 years ago

    - Take one tatty old book
    - Find a website which list all quotes from that book. Preferably one that somebody has built up over several years, PR5+
    - A mixed audience of 'Believers' and 'Non Believers', preferably one of the internets most multi-cultural forums
    - An antagonistic "your opinion is fine if it matches my opinion attitude".

    - Post something very opinionated on the forum, give the impression that you are inviting an intelligient and diplomatic debate, which emcompasses those from all cultures and belief systems.
    - Praise the responses of everybody that agrees with your opinion.
    - If anybody disagrees with any of your points then proceed to copy and paste random quotes from your chosen front page, page rank 6, website(s). Completely disregard the normal hubpages protocol for plagiarism. Undermine the business of those innocent website owners to ahem, *cough* 'prove' your points.
    - Do this continuosly, in fact start about 4 very opinionated threads a day. Continue to blow the minds of every 'non-believer' until they get understandably angry and frustrated.
    - Eventually several of those non believers will be so dismayed at the decline in quality of a community that they so enjoyed that they will express this anger in a manner which is deemed 'unacceptable'.
    - Make sure that you can be as antagonistic as possible without ever using a swear word. Never allow any room for compromise, logic, or reason. Never ever respect another belief.

    Finished Product
    - Your objective, in the name of your god, is to erradicate the evils that lurk in the deepest darkest crevices of the internet. Remember that you only need to get people reported for personal attacks twice before your objective is achieved.
    - Continue this until those in authority catch on, and then just start another login. Remember that you are not here to write hubs or make money, this is just a cover.
    - You will be rewarded with your place in heaven.

    Oh, and you didn't really need the tatty old book.... in fact, you don't even need to have read it. And you don't need to fully understand it. Understanding the book would make you a logical and reasonable person, whether a believer or non-believer, and this would not constitute being a 'fruitcake'.

    This is all very hypothetical of course, and is just a guide for those of us that may wish to evolve into a fruitcake. This thread is errr... not aimed at a specific individual, and anybody suggestion that it does is working dangerously with presumption (and may go to hell). Therefore, this cannot be deemed a 'personal attack'. Please also note that no foul language has been used in this thread.

    Thank you hubpages for letting me miss out on thanking my fans when reaching the big 200. And thank you hubpages for messing up my 30 hubs in 30 days, to avoid missing out on thanking people for my 100th hub. Drive = Zero, Desire = Zero.

  2. Pearldiver profile image79
    Pearldiverposted 8 years ago

    You Left out the Moose Essence in your recipe and everyone has been butt kicking during your holiday lol

    1. Eaglekiwi profile image80
      Eaglekiwiposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Awwww can I rub ya tummy sooooo bloody cute smile

      1. Pearldiver profile image79
        Pearldiverposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        Where I come from they have a name for that sort of stuff lol

        1. Eaglekiwi profile image80
          Eaglekiwiposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          Since I come from the same place , Im seriously worried now lol

  3. lrohner profile image82
    lrohnerposted 8 years ago

    RYAN! YOU'RE BACK!!! Yippeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

  4. emievil profile image78
    emievilposted 8 years ago

    Welcome back Ryan. Hope you can read the moose thread started by PD smile. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying we miss you in the forums.

  5. Eaglekiwi profile image80
    Eaglekiwiposted 8 years ago

    Welcome back Ryan ,sorry ya missed out on some achievements ,they were not missed. smile

  6. Sufidreamer profile image81
    Sufidreamerposted 8 years ago

    Welcome back Ryan

    You were missed...

    I noticed that Simon Whaley has gone out on loan to Rochdale - we saw you coming with that one. I believe that he was a free transfer - you still paid too much lol

    Chris Brown - Two goals and a MOTM yesterday. Bet you wish you still had him at Norwich. Cheers big_smile

  7. frogdropping profile image82
    frogdroppingposted 8 years ago

    Welcome back Ryan. On fire huh yikes

  8. Uninvited Writer profile image82
    Uninvited Writerposted 8 years ago

    I'm glad you came back, we did miss you a lot...

  9. charanjeet kaur profile image59
    charanjeet kaurposted 8 years ago

    Yippeeeeeee look who is back.. Glad you are back. Happy hubbing

  10. profile image0
    cosetteposted 8 years ago

    omg..."moose essence" big_smile

    nice to see you back smile

  11. Misha profile image77
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    He-he. Welcome back, pot stirrer smile

  12. profile image42
    BadCoposted 8 years ago

    Good to see you back Ryan, I should have took the advice I gave you as Cabin Girl is on a 3 day ban lol !

  13. profile image0
    ryankettposted 8 years ago

    Good to be back people wink not back properly until tomorrow, but thank you all for your nice messages whilst I was gone smile

  14. profile image0
    cosetteposted 8 years ago

    i think the whole problem with fruitcake (why people don't like it, i mean) is that is is made with candied fruits and then they add nuts. i like a cake to be soft and don't want to bite into any nuts because it detracts from the nice smooth texture of the cake itself. i think i will try to make a fruitcake this holiday season but use some fresh fruit like apples and add dried fruits like pineapple and cranberries and put an orange glaze on it.


  15. profile image0
    \Brenda Scullyposted 8 years ago

    drinking coffee and eating fruitcake... Ryan you are one fruitcake man..... congrats on 200 fans..... you will end up with millions....