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I have written the review as advised. Please do review and suggest !

  1. money mystery profile image60
    money mysteryposted 8 years ago

    I have written a review as my friends here advised me.I also have grammar checked and spell check. Please give a honest view.

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Read-this-revie … t-it-cheap

    1. Urbane Chaos profile image95
      Urbane Chaosposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Alright, I'll try to help you out here a little.  I don't have extensive knowledge about how things work on hubville here, but there are several things in your article that I can offer advice on.

      Your opening sentence or two is the most important.  It needs to address the questions who, what, where, when, why, and how.  In other words, you must be able to hook the reader in, and at the same time explain what the article is about.

      To be honest, I have no idea what "copy paste system" is.  If I'm the typical reader, why would I want to continue reading about something that I'm not interested in and have never heard about?

      Try something that encourages the reader to go further: "The Copy-Paste system is a radically new way to put a little extra cash in your pocket." Ok, now I'm interested.. I could use a little extra cash.  Now, how do I use it?  Where can I get it? Where do I put it? 

      You get the idea.  In a review, you have to give the reader a reason to go out and try this product - you have to generate excitement for it.  There is one key rule about writing reviews (or anything for that matter) - you have to be passionate about what you write.  If you're not, the reader will know.

      I didn't get much further than the opening paragraph, but I skimmed through the rest.  Here's some other pointers:

      1. Work on your grammar:

      What I see here is this: Extra space before period, wordiness, and improper sentence structure.

      2. Create excitement - use action words to describe the product.

      3. Work on your formatting. Bullets always emphasize more than numbers do.  Make the topic pleasing to the eye, so to speak.

      4. And my personal pet-peeve, never list your email address unless you're expecting a lot of spam.  Create an email address specifically for sharing in articles like this, that way you won't have to worry about things.

      Finally, let me give you an example here of a rewrite.  I know you've posted this twice, so I'll do my best to help out.

      My friend, I hope this helps. I can tell you're excited about this, and a little tweaking will go a long way.

      I wish you the best!

  2. chinweike profile image69
    chinweikeposted 8 years ago

    There is an improvement now. But, I still agree with Urbane Chaos. You have to wet our apertite

    1. profile image0
      Website Examinerposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I have looked carefully at this article also, and I completely agree with the previous comments.

      First off, you have something here that I like - same goes about the linked Hub. Namely that you have a lot to offer, a lot on your mind.

      But for the life of me I couldn't figure out what this product does. I even did an internet search on it and came to the company website, watched an intro video. (The sound on your video wasn't working when I tried, and another embedded video on your Hub had apparently been blocked by YouTube).

      In conclusion, I'll say that it depends on what kind of audience you are expecting. People who only care about making and saving money may be impressed by it. Others who are more critical will probably leave right away. If you want the biggest possible market, then I'm afraid you are going to need an editor.

      Once you have an editor, I really don' see it should be too difficult to make some impressive Hubs out of it, because you have a lot of material.

      One more thing: It sounds to me like you are making lots of promises, almost like you are selling things and taking direct responsibility. Watch your back not to get in trouble if someone feels they are not getting their money's worth. So an editor would need to look into that angle as well.

      1. Marisa Wright profile image99
        Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        That's the major problem with this Hub. why should I buy this product when you don't explain what it does?