I'd like feedback on my article: The Need for Sex Education in India

1. 59

   preetirawatposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article The Need for Sex Education in India (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 84

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hello there,
      
      These are my suggestions. Feel free to use or ignore
      
      Remove those two sub-headings under the first image. The title is sufficient.
      
      Remove the frame from around the image. HP is suggesting we don't use them anymore.
      
      Your first paragraph is the introduction. After that break the text into multiple text capsules with relevant sub-headings. If you are not sure how to do it, look at this: https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … ng-hubtool
      
      Remove the bold formatting from the text.
      
      Read your article out loud. You'll pick out awkward phrasing like this: "So, if this topic is this important then why did not we study this as a child?"
      
      Better as, "If the topic is so important, why didn't we study it at school?" You have three instances of 'this' in one sentence. You can remove it completely. Do your best to weed out unnecessary words.
      
      This bit is a mess, "They can open-up with their child like is he/she like someone in their school and has anyone touched them at badly? Ask them what they think about item numbers that they see in movies and what emotional difficulties they are facing."
      
      'Touched them at badly'? and 'item numbers'?
      
      Paste your text into the free online app, Grammarly. It might pick up some errors. Save it and then paste it into Hemingway to help you clean up the style.
      
      This would be a good article to add a poll in order to get some reader interaction.
      
      The Learning Center: https://hubpageshelp.com/

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2. 77

   Rupert Taylorposted 7 years ago

   First, there are presentation problems. Don't use italics and boldface in body text and don't put in random words or letters in all caps.
   
   You have two unnecessary subheads at the start:
   
   "Necessity of Sex Education like Other Topics in Our Country India"
   
   "We NEED to understand that ‘Sex Education’ does not prepare a child for having sex."
   
   There are a lot of grammar errors. Here are a couple of examples:
   
   "So, if this topic is this important then why did not we study this as a child?"
   So, if this topic is this important why don't we study it as children? Better.
   
   "Don’t you think that sex education could have taught to that 11 years old girl who was touched at inappropriate body places by his uncle?"
   
   I'm not sure what this means. It is so convoluted. Does it mean that sex education would have stopped the uncle from molesting his niece? Or, does it mean that sex education would help the 11-year-old girl recognize her uncle's action were inappropriate? Also, it's an 11-year-old girl and her uncle not his uncle.
   
   The article seems mostly to be a series of questions rather than a discussion of about sex education.
   
   And your last sentence "So think (of) it as your fundamental duty and teach your child and others also." Teach others also? That advice could bring down the anger of other families on the teacher.
   
   I suggest running your text through a free program such as Grammarly. You should also spend some time at the HubPages Learning Center here https://hubpageshelp.com/

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3. 89

   aesta1posted 7 years ago

   Preetiwarat, consider this as your draft and from this, make an outline of the points you want to emphasize and then, put each one in a capsule. That way, it makes for easy reading. When you build up a capsule, make sure you have only one key idea and then add points to support this.

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