I'd like feedback on my article: The Need for Sex Education in India

Jump to Last Post 1-3 of 3 discussions (4 posts)
  1. preetirawat profile image59
    preetirawatposted 7 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article The Need for Sex Education in India (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image84
      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hello there,

      These are my suggestions. Feel free to use or ignore smile

      Remove those two sub-headings under the first image. The title is sufficient.

      Remove the frame from around the image. HP is suggesting we don't use them anymore.

      Your first paragraph is the introduction. After that break the text into multiple text capsules with relevant sub-headings. If you are not sure how to do it, look at this: https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … ng-hubtool

      Remove the bold formatting from the text.

      Read your article out loud. You'll pick out awkward phrasing like this: "So, if this topic is this important then why did not we study this as a child?"

      Better as, "If the topic is so important, why didn't we study it at school?" You have three instances of 'this' in one sentence. You can remove it completely. Do your best to weed out unnecessary words.

      This bit is a mess, "They can open-up with their child like is he/she like someone in their school and has anyone touched them at badly? Ask them what they think about item numbers that they see in movies and what emotional difficulties they are facing."

      'Touched them at badly'? and 'item numbers'?

      Paste your text into the free online app, Grammarly. It might pick up some errors. Save it and then paste it into Hemingway to help you clean up the style.

      This would be a good article to add a poll in order to get some reader interaction.

      The Learning Center: https://hubpageshelp.com/

  2. Rupert Taylor profile image77
    Rupert Taylorposted 7 years ago

    First, there are presentation problems. Don't use italics and boldface in body text and don't put in random words or letters in all caps.

    You have two unnecessary subheads at the start:

    "Necessity of Sex Education like Other Topics in Our Country India"

    "We NEED to understand that ‘Sex Education’ does not prepare a child for having sex."

    There are a lot of grammar errors. Here are a couple of examples:

    "So, if this topic is this important then why did not we study this as a child?"
    So, if this topic is this important why don't we study it as children? Better.

    "Don’t you think that sex education could have taught to that 11 years old girl who was touched at inappropriate body places by his uncle?"

    I'm not sure what this means. It is so convoluted. Does it mean that sex education would have stopped the uncle from molesting his niece? Or, does it mean that sex education would help the 11-year-old girl recognize her uncle's action were inappropriate? Also, it's an 11-year-old girl and her uncle not his uncle.

    The article seems mostly to be a series of questions rather than a discussion of about sex education.

    And your last sentence "So think (of) it as your fundamental duty and teach your child and others also." Teach others also? That advice could bring down the anger of other families on the teacher.

    I suggest running your text through a free program such as Grammarly. You should also spend some time at the HubPages Learning Center here https://hubpageshelp.com/

  3. aesta1 profile image89
    aesta1posted 7 years ago

    Preetiwarat, consider this as your draft and from this, make an outline of the points you want to emphasize and then, put each one in a capsule. That way, it makes for easy reading. When you build up a capsule, make sure you have only one key idea and then add points to support this.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)