I'd like feedback on my article: The Return of the King - I

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   BaQi Budposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   i also got proof reading online or may b u can specify the certain mistakes that i have made in it ........
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: The Return of the King - I (must be signed in to view)

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   1. 72

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      There are many grammatical errors and, as CYong says, we can't fix them all. It's a writer's job to learn how to do it themselves.
      
      I have tackled the first two sentences so you can see the kind of problem that needs correcting.
      
      "Today we live in a world full of hatreds, scandals, corruptions, financial imbalances, moral imbalances, racisms, drugs, weapons, and wars. Every leader thinks of himself taking best decisions for the country he represents, intentionally or unintentionally they are making the world move toward a collective destruction."
      
      Today we live in a world full of hatred, scandal, corruption, financial imbalance, moral imbalance, racism, drugs, weapons, and wars. Every leader thinks they make the best decisions for their country. Yet, intentionally or unintentionally, our leaders are causing the world to move closer to destruction.
      
      Other issues:
      
      Make sure you credit your images. They must be legal-to-use. In other words, you can't just republish them from the web.
      
      https://hubpageshelp.com/content/Learni … -image-use
      
      How could the title best reflect the content? At the moment, it doesn't. Your title must let the reader know what the article is about.
      
      Breaking articles into Part 1, 2, etc. is not a good idea. Much better for them to be complete standalone pieces. If you think it's too long, then cut words and sentences ruthlessly.
      
      Remove the bold text. Not necessary and interrupts the flow of reading.
      
      Remove the ratings capsule. Not appropriate for this kind of work.
      
      Remove the exclamation marks. It looks unprofessional. As is the repeated 'Alas!!"
      
      Finally, the content. What are you trying to say? The whole article is about how bad things are in the world. It really could be written in a single paragraph. To be honest, if I was reading this as someone who found it on Google, I probably wouldn't get to the end.
      
      And the end?
      
      "Alas!! Long-lived humanity is almost on the verge of self-destruction."
      
      It makes me want to not want to read any more of your work. It's too depressing. And that's not how you want your reader to feel, is it?
      
      Think about this: do you want to attract readers and provide them with information they are looking for? If so, then maybe keep this topic for a personal blog or Facebook post. What HubPages wants is lively, informational, well-written articles.
      
      Good luck.

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         BaQi Budposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         thx meant alot

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2. 63

   CYong74posted 6 years ago

   Friend, none of us here are editors. You have to be the one who proofreads your hub. Besides, even if we do, what help is it? You need far more than one hub to make money. No one is going to do it for you, ten, twenty timrs.

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      BaQi Budposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      yea u ryt !!
      
      will try to make it work ...
      thx

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