Feedback on my writing

1. 86

   chenjdwposted 5 years ago

   How to get this writing featured:
   Unknown, Uncertain, Unfair
   https://hubpages.com/education/Unknown-Uncertain-unfair
   
   

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   1. 96

      theraggededgeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      All you need to do with the Pixabay images is to type in the source box 'Pixabay'. No need to put the whole url. HP doesn't like too many links to the same domain. Give some thought to the images because they don't enhance the writing at all. Generic clip art has had its day.
      
      I won't comment in detail on the content because... well... it doesn't really impart any information. It seems it's, "While some people have/do/experience this; others have/do/experience that." Reality. A great many generalizations and I'm not sure what point you are trying to make. Who should be reading this? Who will be searching for it?
      
      I think you need to find a way to bring it to life and make it sparkle.

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      1. 86

         chenjdwposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         See comments below.

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2. 91

   Natalie Frankposted 5 years ago

   Bevs suggestions are good ones.  Also make sure you proof it by reading it out loud for errors and wording choice.  For example, your first sentence is, "In the journey of life, we have to face many unknowns, to expect many uncertain, and to accept many unfair" - Try, "During our life's journey, we must face many unknowns, expect many uncertainties and accept many things that seem unfair." (This can still be worded a bit better but just for the sake of an example).
   
   HP articles get the best response when they help readers answer a question or do something different in their lives.  As this is right at the New Year, you might want to gear this towards different ways of viewing and coming to terms with the unknown, uncertainty, and what seems to be unfair.  Try pitching it more towards the positive - what strengths might people have that they can rely on when their world seems out of their control or they don't seem able to obtain the things they want in life?  You can talk about changing the way we think about things or evaluate things, different ways of judging what happens in our lives, what can we realistically go out and do that will help us regain a sense of control and minimize the uncertainty, unknown and unfairness?  What does all of this mean for how we treat others in terms of helping them with these things?  Are we contributing to this sense in other people and if so how and why and what can we do to change this? 
   
   Think more carefully about the pictures you choose.  You should have a strong one at the beginning of your story which represents the entire message. Here's one way you can go about searching for good images.  First search your keywords in your title.  When I do this for unknown I came up with a picture of an open doorway with a question mark on it.  It's not a bad option.  Then I search "open doorway" and come up with a number of others that might work as well.  For the uncertain section, I might look up "track" "Track and field," "Olympic Track" etc, for a picture of someone hitting their mark at the beginning of a race.  Then put a good caption underneath.  For the unfair section, I might look up "concert pianist" for a single good image then put a good caption underneath that.
   
   These are just general thoughts but hopefully it will help you decide on a direction that helps you create a strong article that is featured soon. Good luck!

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3. 91

   Kenna McHughposted 5 years ago

   Too many images, tone those down. You still have a rough draft. The article needs to be direct and to the point. List your sources. Where are you getting this information? Is this from personal experience? All in all, focus on editing your article, then choose three images that fit the article's message.
   
   Tell a story about an Olympic star who had a disability and overcame it. There are a few of these. Give some references or solid examples to back up your philosophy.

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   1. 86

      chenjdwposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I hope you 3 great ladies (Kennan, Natalie, theraggededge) do not mind that I lump my reply into one. Thanks for the great suggestions and comments.
      As you can probably tell, my bland and technical writings are due to my science and engineering backgrounds. I have deep interests in the how’s and why’s of life. My approach to my work is mostly from observation and deep thought with minimal actual participation. I try to use as many images as possible to help make things relevant and attractive. Unfortunately, they have garnered only minuscule traffic to my site (144 articles).

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