New Joke

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  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image83
    DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

    A woman became concerned because her 10 year old son was so different from everyone else in the family and wondered if there had been a mixup at the hospital so many years before. So she ordered a DNA test and sure enough, this was not their child.

    Frantic, she went to her her husband and told him what she had learned.

    He looked at her puzzled, and  said, "I guess you don't remember, but when we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped his diaper and you gave him to me and said to take him back in and change him."

    "Yes?" She said.

    Annoyed, he looked at her and replied, "So I did what you said. I found a clean one and left the kid with the poopy diaper there."

    1. MizBejabbers profile image87
      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Must have been a blond husband. There's a rash of blond male jokes going around.

  2. DzyMsLizzy profile image83
    DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

    Here's another:

    An old cowboy walked into a barbershop and asked for a shave. He explained that he was havi g a hard time shaving himself because of all the wrinkles.

    The Barber handed him a small ball to tuck in his cheek in order to help smooth out the skin. He was able to move it around with his tongue as needed.

    When the Barber was done, he spit out the ball and rubbed his hands over his face, marveling at how smooth it was.

    "That is the best shave I have had in years" , he told the Barber. "But what if I had swallowed the ball"? 
    The Barber shrugged and replied "Just bring it back in a few days like everyone else did".

    1. MizBejabbers profile image87
      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I like that one, too. Hope he washed it!

  3. DzyMsLizzy profile image83
    DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

    @ MizBejabbers,
    Here's a blond male joke I heard:

    A blonde, an Irishman, and a Mexican were all construction workers on a high rise building.
    At lunchtime, the Irishman opened his lunchbox and exlaimed, "Corned beef again?  Every day, it's corned beef!  If I get corned beef again tomorrow, I'm jumping off this building!"

    Then the Mexican fellow opened his luch, and bemoaned, "Burrito again?  Every day, it's a burrito!  If I get another burrito, I'm jumping off with you!"

    The blond guy opens his lunch, and says, "Baloney and cheese?   I'm sick of baloney and cheese!  If I get it again tomorrow, I'm jumping too!"

    The following day, the Irishman found corned beef, and he jumped off the building.  Then the Mexican had another burrito, and he jumped.  The blonde had baloney and cheese, and off he went as well.

    The wives had a joint funeral, and the Irishwoman wailed, "Oh, if I only knew he hated corned beef so much, I could have made him other things!"
    The Mexican's wife agreed, and said, "I could have sent a tamale, or a taco, if only I knew he was tired of burritos!"
    They both looked to the blonde's wife, and she shrugged, and said, "Don't look at me:  he made his own lunches!"

    lol lol

    1. lobobrandon profile image89
      lobobrandonposted 5 years agoin reply to this


    2. GA Anderson profile image89
      GA Andersonposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Now that was a really good chuckles


  4. ddsurfsca profile image70
    ddsurfscaposted 5 years ago

    It isnt my fault---I am blonde, polish, dexlexic, nearsighted, and female.

    1. MizBejabbers profile image87
      MizBejabbersposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I promise I won't blame you. BTW, I'm not a blond. My dark hair turned gray and then white at an early age. I think I have a blond color on it in the photo. My mother was a natural blond and she could, at times, be a little ditsy, but I don't think it had anything to do with her hair.

  5. MizBejabbers profile image87
    MizBejabbersposted 5 years ago

    Liz, here's another blond joke:

    A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging
    by his feet.
    "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

    "Hanging myself," the blonde replies.

    "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.

    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

    1. DzyMsLizzy profile image83
      DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL!!  lol


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