A non-PC thread about dumb blondes!
A truck driver breaks down just outside San Diego. He flags down a blonde who was driving by.
Blonde: Do you need a lift?
Man: No, I have to stay here with the truck because the office is sending someone to repair it. Look, I have two chimps that I was talking to the San Diego zoo. Could you take them for me? I'll give you $100.
So they get the chimps seatbelted into the back seat, and the lady leaves.
The guy gets his truck repaired and makes it to San Diego, where he sees the blonde and the two chimps walking hand-in-hand down the street. He pulls over immediately.
Man: What the hell are you doing? I gave you $100 to take those chimps to the zoo!!
Blonde: I DID take the chimps to the zoo. I had some money left over, so I thought they might enjoy SeaWorld, too.
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
"Top Ten Jokes Making the Internet Rounds"
A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar in London, England by mistake.
He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, to tell you you're in a girls biker bar and that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously "Mister", do you still wanna tell that joke? "
The blind man thinks for a minute, sighs, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, it's a good joke but not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A man approaches a vehicle on a side street that is on fire. The man stops and asks the blonde driver would you like a hand I have a couple of flares you could put up. The Blonde replies no thanks I think its burning great all by itself.
How do you tell if a blonde has had a hard day ?
She finds her tampon behind her ear
& can't find her pencil.
Then there was the blonde helicopter pilot who got too hot, so he turned the overhead fan off.
Not a joke, but a pic is worth a thousand words, I've heard...
I hope it's big enough to make out, lol...
My whole life is a dumb blonde joke, and anytime I make a stupid mistake I tell people, ...You have to forgive my stupidities, but I have some good excuses, for you see I am not only blonde, but on top of that I am polish, dexlexic, hyperactive, nearsighted, and then blonde....so take your pick. Now you know how people have your mama's so fat jokes...? Well in our family it is my mama's so polish (or blonde) and these are all true, I swear....
my mama is so polish that one day she accidently poured too much salt on the popcorn, so she put it in a strainer and rinsed it off......
my mama's so polish that one day she put a hole in the bottom of my toy boat so that the water could drain out.....
my mama's so polish that one night when we went out to our camper to find her jacket she lost somewhere, and as soon as we opened the door and stepped inside the air was thick with propane from the stove. It was pitch black and we couldn't see a thing, and in my mind I saw her reach for a light, and knowing her as I did I said "Mom, don't light a .......and I heard----scraaaaaaaaatch----the sound of her lighting a match. We went BOOOOOOOM.
This one was in the playboy book I received today.
Have you heard the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: She is into men.
I'm not posting one because there's so much whiteout on my computer screen I can't see to write too much.
by nicomp really7 years ago
A traveling salesman, a clown, a horse, and a midget walk into a bar...The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"
by Matthew I Crawford6 years ago
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fall off a building at the exact same time, which one lands first?A: The brunette; the blonde had to stop to ask for directions.Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?A: She opens...
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