I need a final grammar check, anyone can help?

  1. Marc O Desmarais profile image61
    Marc O Desmaraisposted 4 years ago

    Hello,

    It seems like I have grammar issues. I can't see where, can you help?

    https://hubpages.com/sports/Is-Skydiving-Safe

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    1. theraggededge profile image97
      theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Marc,

      Your writing is very 'wordy'. Try using shorter words and cutting out unnecessary ones. For example, "Many cognitive bias can happen in a person's mind that can affect his perception, experience and attitude towards skydiving."

      Whereas... "Many people are scared of skydiving because they believe it is dangerous." is clearer.

      There are a lot of grammatical errors that hide within the verbosity. For instance, "we act lazy and take the shortest route that confirm our opinion."

      "We act lazily and take the shortest route that confirms our opinion."

      Try the free app, Grammarly. It will pick up some of the problems. You might also try Hemingway, another free app. It picks up problems with style.

      The first part of the article is rather superior and condescending, "This bias is particularly strong among uneducated people."

      What you mean is that people are scared of things they don't know or have never experienced. It's natural and doesn't mean they are uneducated.

      Place your references at the end of the article, not within the text. You don't want to send people off the page - they might not return.

      Hope that helps.

      Edit: And your subtitles should be in APA title case.

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    2. davrowpot profile image95
      davrowpotposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hello! I recommend using Grammarly. It's a web-based application where you can check mostly your grammatical and spelling errors. I've been using it for quite some time now and it's great so far. Although going beyond that (such as proper word choices, punctuations, tenses, etc.) would require you to subscribe for them monthly, but I couldn't afford the prices and would just go back to my Subject-Verb agreement basics. But overall, it's a great help to at least proofread your work.

      replyreport
 
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