I'd like feedback on my article: Josh Meets John

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  1. profile image0
    Troolyposted 5 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,
    This article was written as a continuation of a previously uploaded article, titled JOSH AND JOHN. I'm finding it difficult to have it featured as the first part.

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: Josh Meets John

    replyreport
    1. theraggededge profile image82
      theraggededgeposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      Sorry, but it needs a ton of work to make it into something that people would want to read.

      Firstly, the article bio - 'fictitious' means untrue or false. It doesn't mean quite the same thing as fiction. Remove it and just leave it as. "I am in love with stories."

      Add an introduction to explain what this is. Is it a story? A chapter of a longer piece?

      Get rid of the italics.

      Learn how to write dialogue, using speech marks and proper punctuation.

      What does 'not bordered by it', mean? Is it supposed to be 'bothered'?

      How is this a story? Someone goes to a new class. People mostly ignore him. He's mistaken for another student who looks just like him. It's just not very interesting. You need to make it longer. Get rid of the banal conversation. Bring in some tension. More puzzlement. We need to know who these characters are. Your job as a writer is to flesh them out so they are not merely names on a page. Turn them into actual humans who we might care about.

      At the moment it is just rather dull... it certainly wouldn't make me want to read the next part. Also if the other parts of the story are this short, you might as well put them into one hub.

      Tip: read more, especially short stories and flash fiction. There are thousands available online.

      replyreport
      1. profile image0
        Troolyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        I am very appreciative of your sincerity.

        replyreport
  2. psycheskinner profile image65
    psycheskinnerposted 5 years ago

    You should say at the top if this is a chapter or stand-alone story, genre etc.

    replyreport
    1. profile image0
      Troolyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much.

      replyreport
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