I'd like feedback on my article: DhoomBros

Jump to Last Post 1-4 of 4 discussions (6 posts)
  1. TheMAS profile image81
    TheMASposted 11 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article DhoomBros. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 11 months agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      You can start by deleting this:

      "Individuals around the world have been gaining popularity and becoming household names by sharing videos on social media for over a decade now. Whether it's about photography, content writing, graphic designing or even video-making, technological advancements have played a significant role in capturing the true essence of fame and glory for a number of individuals all around the globe. Platforms such as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram have been quite a decent launchpad for these individuals - who can be referred to as 'Internet Celebrities'. This list of individuals continues to grow at a very fast pace from different (if not all) parts of the world. One such instance is..."

      That's called waffle and adds zero value to your article.

      Go through and get rid of all waffle.

      Change the title to Who Are the DhoomBros? Then answer that question with your article.

      Your reader wants to know who these people are and what they do in the first paragraph.

      Break your text into shorter paragraphs and use shorter sentences where possible.  Don't use a long word where a short one will do. Think crisp. Delete all those waffly adjectives.

      Who is your potential reader? Do they want to be wading through reams of text to find the nuggets of information they're looking for?

      One problem that plagues a certain type of writer is that they believe the more words they use, the more flowery the language, and the longer and more convoluted the sentence, the better writer they are. This is not true. A good writer makes his or point in as few words as possible. Each word has to work hard for its inclusion. So strong verbs and a mix of medium length and shorter sentences keeps the reader's interest.

      Work to do smile

    2. TessSchlesinger profile image96
      TessSchlesingerposted 11 months agoin reply to this

      It's written in an essay style, and that doesn't work very well. Says too little with too many words. You need to write AP style.

      1. All the relevant information in the first paragraph. The first paragraph must answer the headline.

      2. The least important information at the bottom.

      3. It sounds like a promotional piece - PR - and I'm not sure if that works.

  2. psycheskinner profile image82
    psycheskinnerposted 11 months ago

    Also remove the star ratings capsule, it is not meant to be used for this category.

  3. TheMAS profile image81
    TheMASposted 11 months ago

    Thank you all for your comments. There's indeed something in all these comments that I've gained especially the idea of starting with a question and how not to waffle things into the article. I'll redo the first paragraph and look to remove anything that sounds like a promotional piece.
    Thanks again for helping out.

  4. TheMAS profile image81
    TheMASposted 10 months ago

    With my understanding of your kind advises, I've made a few changes. Tried to eliminate the waffly paragraphs and also that ratings capsule. Let's see. Thanks again.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)