I'd like feedback on my article: The Top Three Steps to Control Your Mind

1. 59

   Sush-Mitposted 5 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: The Top Three Steps to Control Your Mind (must be signed in to view)

   replyreport
   1. 64

      OldRosesposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      You need to have a native English speaker read over your article and correct the language errors.  HubPages is an American site and requires authors to be able to write in perfect English.
      
      You need to properly source your photos.  Are they your own?  Are they Creative Commons licensed?  An app is not a legal source for photos.
      
      Your second table is empty.
      
      Please take some time to review the articles in the Learning Center (Help button, upper right).  They will tell you everything you need to know to properly write and format articles for HubPages.

      replyreport
2. 58

   MitaraNposted 5 years ago

   So let's start off with bringing ourselves into the shoes of a reader. You have the readers attention so let expand on your introduction to why you are writing this article, and why you are sharing.
   
   Remove your sub heading, as it replicates your title. You starting off with a question, rather expand on your introduction content.
   
   Per capsule, check your grammar and context to every subheading. Section from your information content to the solutions you advise.
   
   Bring your point across and end with an overall review to your article.
   
   Hope this sheds more light to the end result.
   
   Best of luck.

   replyreport
3. 59

   Sush-Mitposted 5 years ago

   Thanks for your Concern and help. I have been seeking this type of advise for a long time. Again Thanks a lot

   replyreport
4. 64

   psycheskinnerposted 5 years ago

   You are quoting people so you need to cite the source.
   
   In general, you need to say what discipline or tradition this information is coming from.

   replyreport
   1. 59

      Sush-Mitposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Can i state in the source that the quote is coming from a book by Robert kiyosaki

      replyreport
      1. 64

         psycheskinnerposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         At the bottom of the article you should name the book and any other books substantially contributing to your article.

         replyreport
         1. 59

            Sush-Mitposted 5 years agoin reply to this

            Should i use another text capsule for that?

            replyreport
5. 83

   theraggededgeposted 5 years ago

   Your first sentence, "The primary meaning of controlling the mind is to have all the necessary elements mastered, not getting into any excuses and always taking actions in terms of logics."
   
   It's too vague. What elements? What are 'logics'. I'm trying to visualise a group of logics and I can't.
   
   To control the mind means to control your thoughts.
   
   That's it.
   
   The main problem with your writing is that it is too 'wordy'. More words do not equate to better writing. In fact the leaner the writing, the easier it is to read. For example, too many new writers use vague references to 'the world (or people) today'. It's cliched and overused.
   
   Here's a tighter version of your introductory paragraph:
   
   To control the mind is to control your thoughts. When thoughts are out of control we make poor choices and fail to meet our daily targets. In order to live a good life, we need to control the mind, thus preventing procrastination and wavering attention. Just as a table cannot stand without all four legs, we cannot function without the following three pillars in place.
   
   It's not great, but it shows you how you can cut out the wordiness and get the meaning across in a clearer, easier to understand way.
   
   You should do that with the whole article.

   replyreport
6. 59

   Sush-Mitposted 5 years ago

   Thanks a lot for the help. I look forward to look at more of my mistakes.

   replyreport