I'd like feedback on my article: Giving Quality Time to Both Home and Career

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  1. NehaRohra profile image82
    NehaRohraposted 7 weeks ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    https://hubpages.com/business/Giving-QU … and-Career
    Here is my article: Giving Quality Time to Both Home and Career

    1. theraggededge profile image99
      theraggededgeposted 7 weeks agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      These are my suggestions:

      It's very 'wordy'. You could shorten and sharpen many of your sentences. Good English doesn't mean more words. In fact, it's the opposite. Beware of 'corporate speak'; no one likes it.

      Also watch out for repetition. You only need to say that work causes stress once. You have repeated the sentiment several times using different words.

      'Unduly' in the second paragraph is incorrect and should be deleted. It causes a split infinitive. So it should be, "...that enable them to balance their responsibilities..."

      'Disbalance' should be 'unbalance'.

      This is a hard section to understand; you need to be more specific, "Traditional social security measures of maternity leave etc are no more what comprises of work life balance. The concept with its practices has become more deep and expansive in the recent times."

      What does that mean? Give an example.

      "The corporate..." should be "The corporation..."

      I can't go through the whole article, but there are a lot more grammatical errors and awkward sentences.

      You need to check your punctuation. There is never a space before a comma/full stop, but there is always one afterwards.

      Good luck.

    2. Abby Slutsky profile image95
      Abby Slutskyposted 7 weeks agoin reply to this

      Hi,
      Ragged has already offered you lots of good advice. I would also check your APA headings to make sure they are properly formatted. Beware of using 'and' and 'both'.  'Both work and life balance' is reducndant as 'and already lets the reader know that you mean both. You just need to read it aloud and see where you can cut words. Abby

  2. NehaRohra profile image82
    NehaRohraposted 7 weeks ago

    Thank you theraggededge will check

 
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