I would like critique on my poem: "Prey"

1. 0

   Mentocioposted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some creative criticism on my work. Will you please give feedback on my poem? I know it has good chances to pass the QAP. But I still value your review. Thanks!
   Here is my poem: Prey (must be signed in to view)

   replyreport
   1. 82

      bravewarriorposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I don't understand why you're asking for critique for a poem. Poetry is subjective and interpreted differently by each reader. There's no right or wrong, unless your English is poor, which yours appears to be. The word flaccid does not pertain to a color, rather, a physical state. I couldn't read beyond that because of your misunderstanding of adjectives and how they relate to nouns.
      
      Poetry does not earn on this site. I haven't looked up the stats, but as a writer, reader, and consumer, I would venture to say very few Internet searchers search for poetry. Poetry is more a social media group thing than a genre that ranks in searches.

      replyreport
      1. 95

         AliciaCposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         In fairness to the writer, using familiar words in unfamiliar ways in order to create vivid imagery can be part of poetry. I suspect that was what the writer was trying to do with their “flaccid blue sky” description and some of the lines in the poem.
         
         Mentocio, there is some vivid and impressive imagery in your poem, and I found the transition to the prey’s death very effective. Since you asked for feedback, though, I have to say that I got the feeling that I was being indirectly told, “Look! Here’s another unusual and great description!”
         
         Perhaps lengthening the poem by adding simpler but still effective passages in certain places would remove this impression. This is something that you might want to think about for your next article. I noticed that you posted that you don’t like to change a poem once you’ve finished it.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            Mentocioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            You are correct about the “flaccid blue sky”.
            
            Thank you for your appreciation of the 'vivid and impressive imagery in the poem'.
            
            Yes, I don’t like to change a poem once I’ve finished it. But I promise that I shall keep your every word in my mind when I compose the next poem. Thank you again. Your comment here is a joy.

            replyreport
2. 62

   Shesabutterflyposted 4 years ago

   Are you creating these posts before your poems even pass or fail the QAP process? This article has already passed QAP. You do not take any critizisms to actually improve your article, so what is the point of this post? You cannot promote your articles in the forums.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Mentocioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      The poem/article has not passed the QAP. I'm doing what others do in the forums: asking for feedback.
      
      I differ: I do take 'critizisms '. I take them so that I may write better literature. That I have already said in my previous post. Didn't you read that there already?

      replyreport
      1. 62

         Shesabutterflyposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         It is on Discover which means it has passed QAP. If you are referring to getting it on Letterpile that is different. It can take several hours to a few days for those editors to look through and either accept them or leave them on Discover.
         
         I did, and yet you didn't take any of those criticisms into consideration when you wrote this new poetry.

         replyreport
         1. 0

            Mentocioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            On my account page, it says that the hub is Published, and is not yet Featured.
            
            I used less em dashes in this new poetry. I also kept a keen eye to break the lines more evenly. I also kept the tone and language simpler. Poetry is subjective. Literature is subjective. I can only do this much.

            replyreport
            1. 78

               samanthacubbisonposted 4 years agoin reply to this

               It takes a moment for the article to be featured after passing QAP. But it looks like your article is still in QAP, which is why it says that.
               
               All new articles go to Discover—so it's the same process as before. Article sits on Discover before a decision is made.

               replyreport
               1. 0

                  Mentocioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                  All 6 of my poetry hubs are new featured.
                  
                  Thank you for answering.

                  replyreport
   2. 0

      Mentocioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I've created a forum thread concerning your point. If you still have anything to argue about, please do visit. Thank you.
      
      https://hubpages.com/community/forum/35 … failed-qap

      replyreport
3. 82

   bhattucposted 4 years ago

   I found it quite ok and there is always room for improvement. Keep going. All the best.

   replyreport