I'd like feedback on my article: Why More Women Succeed in Entrepreneurship...

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  1. Nyamweya profile image52
    Nyamweyaposted 3 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: Why More Women Succeed in Entrepreneurship Than Men

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    1. Miebakagh57 profile image82
      Miebakagh57posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hey, there, the first three sentences of the introduction seems to repeat itself. This is spamming.                                        As for the  'Discussion', this is the sub-topic or body. Break this down into multiply text capsules with topical headings like:'Women as Good Business Persons' where applicable.                                         I also notice grammar and sentences issues. Get grammarly, a free grammar checker here: www.grammarly.com                                   Is not the conclusion too long? Add references that source your story. Good success.

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      1. theraggededge profile image82
        theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

        Not spamming, but repetitive waffle. The article could be cut by 50%.

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  2. theraggededge profile image82
    theraggededgeposted 3 years ago

    Hi there,

    I see several issues.

    Your English needs a little clean and polish. Try Grammarly and Hemingway (both free).

    Break up the huge paragraphs, remember people are reading on their phones and big blocks of text are intimidating. Use multiple text capsules and insert subheadings.

    The content is somewhat 'blah'. You cite studies all the way through, but your writing needs to 'sparkle' in order to engage your audience and keep them on the page.

    You haven't fulfilled the title... WHY do women succeed in entrepreneurship more than men? Where are your personal insights? You have cobbled together the conclusions of all those studies but have not included any real-life examples or given an in-depth analysis of your claim.

    List your references with links at the end.

    You have the basic structure of a decent article, but it is basically a first draft. You can improve it and make it work smile

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