What I really, really, hated, upon being told no, I could not do something, was to get a reply of "Just because" or "Because I said so!"
Man, that really galled me! I thought I deserved to know the reason behind the decision--safety? money issues? age?
I would argue that "because" is not a reason--a reason is an explanation. "Because" is a brush-off.
As a direct result, I've never outgrown the "why?" stage. If there is a rule or regulation that I find unreasonable, or arbitrary, I will do my best to get to the origin, and find out the "why's and wherefore's."
A few years back, I got into a circular argument with a city agency over building permits. A certain requirement was being made for our project, and I did not find it a reasonable demand for our situation. I asked to have the reason behind the rule. The resulting conversation went something like this:
Me: Why is this requirement in place?
City: Because it's in the code.
M: I understand that, but why is it in the code? What is the reason it was included?
C: We have to apply the law.
M: Yes, but I am trying to find the reasoning behind the law, and the justification for this requirement.
C: It's in the building code.
M: Yes, you've said that at least 6 times, but you have not explained the reason for its inclusion in the code.
C: It's just part of the City laws.
M: (getting irritated) Well, WHO put that rule in the code? WHY is it there?
C: Because we just have to apply the laws.
At this point, I had to leave before I leapt across the counter and throttled the woman! If you don't know the answer, say so! Don't just stand there repeating yourself with the same non-answer!
(This was a truncated example--the actual exchange went on for nearly 10 minutes!)
I do not take kindly to getting the brush-off. These days, if somone throws that "just because" at me, they'll be very lucky if I don't backhand them a good one!
My father (otherwise "best father in the world") would really irk/steam me with one thing:
He'd make some point, and I, believing I had a right to make my own very valid point, would start to (politely) point out what "holes" I saw in his point by saying, "Yeah, but...". He wouldn't let me make my valid point (which, would have pointed out those very real holes in what he said). Instead, he's interrupt what I was going to say (again, politely and respectfully) with, "Yehbut? What's Yehbut?! There's no such word as 'yehbut'!" That would end the conversation, and he thought he was "real smart" by ending any debate from me. To me, he was rudely interrupting what was going to be a good (even if brief) debate about a point).
He used to, on the one hand, act like he enjoyed that "could argue like a Philadelphia lawyer". On the other hand, he wouldn't let me "debate" the points I knew had holes in them at all. How rude! How un-encouraging! How disrespectful!! ("otherwise-best-father-in-the-world" or not!)
(Based on your post, OP, it looks like too many parents don't seem to want to encourage true, two-way, communication - and I'd bet they're all the first to say, "I want my kid to be honest with me." )
My dad used to say "do what I say, not what I do" aaaaaaggggghhh! used to drive me NUTS!
If I ever compained to my mother about something being unfair, she would just calmly say 'what's not fair, it's not raining?'
Or the other great annoyance were statements starting with 'When you are older ........'
Asking Mom if I could do something she would say ...we will see. I knew right then it was going to be NO. I would argue with her and say you really mean no and she would just keep saying we will see it was so annoying. I was always right it meant NO.
That's so funny--with MY mom, it was always the other way around, lol. Like she just couldn't stand to say yes to me, for some reason, haha.
But the thing she said that got to me the most was "You won't stick with it", when I wanted to join the band, play on a softball team, etc. Obviously, it bothered me the most, since it's been more than 30 years since I lived at home! :
But, I'm over it now......really...
"Because I said so" was also the very worst for me, and as a result I've tried very hard not to use it with my son...but have slipped once or twice. My daughter will be born in November and I'll try REALLY hard not to use it with her, but my husband informs me that his oldest daughter could reason her way through things as well as any lawyer by the age of four, so this could be a challenge if the baby follows in her footsteps .
The other one I really hated was that if my mom told me anything and I started to reply at all -- it didn't matter what the reply was -- she'd tell me not to back talk and that if I opened my mouth again I'd be in trouble. Is it so horrible to ask if I can go to the bathroom before going out to split three wheelbarrow-fulls of wood?
My mother always compare theirs with our time, she always say, you're lucky these days, we didn't even have these and that, etc. To my mind, I am like saying it is not my fault... in my mind but I can't really answer back hehe..
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