Insults Galore! Here it is folks!

1. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

   The thread we have all been waiting for...
   
   Post yours or someone else's insults here!
   
   There are only a couple rules:
   
   1.    Do NOT direct your insult at ANY specific entity!
   
   2.    If posting someone else's golden insult, do NOT reveal the author!
   
   I will start:
   
   Quote start
   
   "snipped" wrote:
   
   "snipped", I could have three lobotomies and be given the diseased brain of a retarded termite, and I would still be more intelligent than you.
   
   I could outwit you whilst being in a coma.
   
   Quote end
   
   Edit: For the purposes of this thread only: When you click the OP “Post a Reply” button, you are really just clicking the “Post to the World” button. So have fun!
   
   Another edit from further down the thread:
   
   In case there is a misunderstanding.
   
   I’m looking for humor, genius, and poetry of words only.
   
   Please do NOT post anything mean or vicious. The objective here is one of entertainment, fun, and maybe even enlightenment.

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      LiamBeanposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I like this one though I don't know who said it.
      
      "You're so stupid your brain is like a BB in a boxcar."

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         paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         It’s amazing how many websites out there specialize in these kinds of quotes:
         
         “You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...”
         
         “Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.”
         
         “Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?”
         
         “All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.”
         
         “Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?”
         
         *** The last one will be used in one of the political forums within a week.

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      lyndreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I was answering the OPs initial thread.

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         qwarkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         ok...it's always nice and polite to direct a response by using a name...just my opinion..:-)

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2. 0

   DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years ago

   can I qoute a non hubpages entity?

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      paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Yes!

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         DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         "Oh, honey, I can see why your back hurts all the time...having to haul that thing around all day!" accidental insult from hubby, inteneded as understanding and concern.

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            paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            
            
            All men are pigs!

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            paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

            This definitely makes the enlightenment category.

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   J.R. Smithposted 15 years ago

   Nice thread. I believe that if you really applied yourself and made the extra effort, over time you could be retarded.

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4. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

   Edit: For the purposes of this thread only: When you click the OP “Post a Reply” button, you are really just clicking the “Post to the World” button. So have fun!

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5. 96

   thooghunposted 15 years ago

   Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!  Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person!  Ah blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur Keeeng"!  You and all your silly English Knnnnnnnn-ighuts!!!
   
   Arthur: (getting mad) Now look here, my good ma--
   
   S: Ah don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!  Ah fart in your general direction!  Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
   
   Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
   
   S: No!!  Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

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      paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      
      
      This one is going to be used in the future by someone in the aforementioned forums.

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      mrfluffyposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Is that an African or a European swallow?

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   paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

   Edit: If nothing comes to mind, there is a goldmine in the Politics and Religion forums.

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7. 81

   Whitney05posted 15 years ago

   I don't think this is an appropriate thread, especially if you're intending that hubbers quote other hubbers who have said something inappropriate.

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      paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      It’s supposed to be unattributed, but I see you point. Plus, it looks like the rule was too restrictive. I’m changing my answer to DoorMattnomore’s question to “yes”! Qoutes from non-hubpages entities are fine!

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      sunforgedposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      

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         paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         .
         I had to ponder, but I finally got it.

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         DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         he he he.

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8. 61

   J.R. Smithposted 15 years ago

   They are already playing this game in the politics and religion forums. It's the same old thing ,the left versus the right with stupidity in the center.

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      paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Yep! But on this thread there are no victims. That way we can admire the beauty and poetry of the insult without guilt.

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9. 60

   paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

   In case there is a misunderstanding:
   
   I’m looking for humor, genius, and poetry of words only.
   
   Please do NOT post anything mean or vicious. The objective here is one of entertainment, fun, and maybe even enlightenment.

   replyreport
10. 0

    Home Girlposted 15 years ago

    "To call you stupid is an insult to stupid people!"

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11. 61

    J.R. Smithposted 15 years ago

    Well, there goes the fun. Might as well go to the dentist.

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    Greek Oneposted 15 years ago

    Your mother is a <snipped> who is <snipped> because <snipped> didn't <snipped> and <snipped> the horse too, you <snipped> <snipped> <snipped> !!!

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13. 0

    DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years ago

    my friend's boyfriend, while trying to be romantic and carry her into the bedroom
    "oh, wait, we can't fit through the door."
    "what?!"
    "No, I mean..you wont fit through the door."
    "that's not any better."
    "NO!! I mean..the door way is smaller then you."
    "ok..umm.."
    "NO!! I mean..your not big, but...nevermind."

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    DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years ago

    when I was kid.."Oh, don't be sad. Im sure you were pretty when you were younger!"

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15. 72

    frogdroppingposted 15 years ago

    Me: "I know I know, I'm sorry - I can't sing very well"
    
    Simões: "You can't sing. Period"
    
    

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       DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         oh yeah, Ive heard that too.

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16. 68

    Greek Oneposted 15 years ago

    "Have you called Jenny yet?

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17. 0

    DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years ago

    Im trying to explain to my straight faced daughter a joke I had just made up..she interrupts with a  huge sigh  "I get it mom, its just not that funny."
    
    
    or my eldest's favourite description of me.."Mom, your ridiculous."

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18. 0

    DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years ago

    "oh, its you."

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19. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

    Bumper Stickers:
    
    You have delusions of adequacy.
    
    I love you more today than tomorrow.
    
    You are obviously a fine human being in your own right. And I mean that.
    
    You are a total waste of protein.
    
    The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

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20. 72

    frogdroppingposted 15 years ago

    Ma: "*sighs* I don't know. You're nothing I wanted. Look, I just don't like you"
    
    Me:
    
    I need a new mommy

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21. 61

    J.R. Smithposted 15 years ago

    You say you cry because daddy drinks. Honey, daddy drinks because you cry.

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22. 67

    Daniel Carterposted 15 years ago

    "You're so narrow minded your ears touch."
    
    
    "If your brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to drive a piss ant's motorcycle around the inside of a cheerio."

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23. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    I might be fat but you are ugly, and I can go on a diet, you are stuck with it.

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24. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    You are so dumb, that if brains were dynomite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

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25. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    I'll love you till the end of time---
    I'm praying for the end of time

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       DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       heyyyyyy thats a song!!! 

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26. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

    “Paradigmsearch publishes another hub.”
    
    A sigh of excitement ripples across the forums…

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27. 82

    Stacie Lposted 15 years ago

    did I fall into Top*x??
    i guess that was insult enough...

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28. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

    Feel free to announce your hub publications on this thread, but only if you insult yourself (or your hub) in the same post.
    
    edit: But no links! That would be a no-no.

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       DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       just read your bumper stickers.  good stuff!! 

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          DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          oops, I realy mean that, I was not posting an insult..honest!!

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             paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             lol

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29. 40

    Mikeydoesposted 15 years ago

    You have about as many friends as Stevie Wonder has eyes to see.
    
    You're about as funny as 9/11

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30. 77

    WryLiltposted 15 years ago

    Not really an insult, more of a threat (said by a cranky old bus driver on our school bus to a kid):
    
    Keep that up and I'll pull off your arms, stick 'em in your ears and ride you around like a motorcycle.
    
    Yeah, we had some creepy bus drivers in school. The kid shut up and sat down, however.

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       DoorMattnomoreposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! Oh, maybe I shouldnt be laughing? the kids on my bus would have deserved those comments tho..

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31. 87

    Pcunixposted 15 years ago

    It is unfortunate that you are too ignorant for me to insult you properly.

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       paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       I actually have run across a few people like that.

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          paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          OOPS. I better clarify.
          
          I am very happy to say that I have not run across any such persons on this website..

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             china manposted 15 years agoin reply to this

             What you meant to type was I would like to RUN OVER a few people like that

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                paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

                Uh-Oh. It's getting so that everything means the opposite on this thread. I'm scr*w*d.
                
                edit: I better put some stars in that...

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32. 0

    china manposted 15 years ago

    thank you for your input, god bless you and I wil pray for you
    
    On losing the argument.

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33. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    some people are so narrow minded, that thoughts cannot even make it through their minds if they turn sideways.

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34. 73

    Reality Bytesposted 15 years ago

    There is only two reasons why someone would not agree to what I just presented to you.
    
    One is that they are simply stupid.
    
    The other being that they do not fully understand what has been presented.
    
    I know you understand the proposal!

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35. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    You are so stupid you sit on the TV and watch the couch.

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36. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    what do men and sperm have in common?  --  they both stand one in a million chance of becoming human.

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37. 70

    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    You are so fat your blood type is ragu, and when you wake up you wake up in sections.

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38. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    go take a shower, you got stupid all over you!

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39. 60

    dutchman1951posted 15 years ago

    you mean that lump on your shoulder is your head!

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40. 0

    china manposted 15 years ago

    This thread seems to be getting a little old - maybe we could try for the most subtle or ironic insult
    
    . . . . is not a racist

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41. 60

    mrfluffyposted 15 years ago

    Said in response to someone asking my partner how well I played the guitar, she replied “he plays well when no one can hear him”.  I haven’t picked it up since!

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    kirstenblogposted 15 years ago

    I just saw this and though it belongs here
    

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43. 76

    kirstenblogposted 15 years ago

    This cat has more sense then you wide load!
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Ok I just really wanted to post that! Too Cute!

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    ddsurfscaposted 15 years ago

    Here is a surefire way to lose 15 pounds of ugly fat--cut off your head

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    mrfluffyposted 15 years ago

    One that’s doing the rounds with us
    “I am one of the few people that genuinely like you”!

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46. 87

    Pcunixposted 15 years ago

    In response to "What am I missing?"
    
    Brains, talent, looks..

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47. 87

    Pcunixposted 15 years ago

    Eat at (local restaurant) once, shame on them. Eat there twice, shame on us.

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       dutchman1951posted 15 years agoin reply to this

       lol,,,can you say Alka-seltzer!

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          Pcunixposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          This was a real Tweet I made about a local restaurant. Both times we had problems with the food and both times the kitchen argued with us!  For one, the chef even came out to personally tell us that we were wrong and his food was fine.  I never would have gone back but someone gave us a gift certificate. I told my wife to throw it away or give it away, but she wanted to given them another chance.  Never again!

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    kirstenblogposted 15 years ago

    I just heard the most obscure and funny one!
    
    In an attic somewhere there is a painting of you getting prettier.
    
    
    
    Gotta have read Dorian Grey but that is hysterical!

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    paradigmsearchposted 15 years ago

    This thread resurrected by popular demand!

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50. 61

    qwarkposted 15 years ago

    I don't understand.
    I can't be insulted/offended.
    Doesn't one have to allow oneself to be insulted/offended?
    If so, isn't that a personal decision?
    Why should anyone be banned for a decision, by someone, to be insulted/offended.
    Confusing....

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       paradigmsearchposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Good Philosophical Post!
       
       Agreed!
       
       What about personal attacks and stalking?
       
       

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          qwarkposted 15 years agoin reply to this

          ..call the cops...lol

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