I Love Critism

1. 90

   Mrs. Menagerieposted 13 years ago

   OK, no I don't really but sometimes it is the best way to learn...
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/The-Amazing-Karelian-Bear-Dog
   
   Thank you in advance for any help.

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   1. 87

      kschangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Generally well-written. A few minor quibbles
      
      1) the capsules only have ONE paragraph, and the sentences are kinda long. Ever consider expanding the capsules to have MORE than one paragraph?
      
      2) How about a little more info? What sort of colors to KBD appear in? How much food do they eat? Any preferences (dry or wet? What mix?)  How much activity do they need per day? Do they like water? Do they coexist with other animals? Are they fairly kid-safe? That sort of stuff.
      
      3) What are the disadvantages of a KBD vs. similar sized dogs? Why would you pick KBD over other dogs?
      
      4) Any diseases or health concerns that an owner should be aware of?

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2. 0

   Website Examinerposted 13 years ago

   I've read your hub with interest, and found it well-written and well presented for the most part. It seems to me that you take certain things for granted, possessing some detailed knowledge the reader doesn't have. I found the three sections of your hub did not connect so well; so it is a bit hard to follow what is the broader line through your story. For example, I could not visualize or imagine how these dogs specifically can contribute to solving the problem with bears. It seemed interesting but detached. And in the third section, I thought - well, that is good to know, but what is the relationship with the previous parts of the article?

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3. 90

   Mrs. Menagerieposted 13 years ago

   I see your point, thank you so much for your help.  I'm really motivated to improve and information like yours is so valuable!

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4. 60

   GinnyGyakukoukaposted 13 years ago

   You love criticism? First thought: it's not "critism".
   
   I like the picture of the dog. He is so cute! I love wildlife, too.

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   1. 90

      Mrs. Menagerieposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Whoops...how embarrassing!  Um, can I get a do-over here?

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5. 59

   Maembeposted 13 years ago

   Minor thing here.  Never start off with a rhetorical question, especially one as boring as "have you heard of...".  It just sounds bad.  I read that and immediately assumed you were a poor writer who threw that hub together in 10-15 minutes.  However, I read the rest and saw that that was clearly not the case.  Pretty good article.

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      Website Examinerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have been enjoying your critical posts today. You seem to have a sharp eye and tongue. Your own writing must be excellent.

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      Uninvited Writerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oops...did that on my Library Thing hub

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         Website Examinerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Actually, I thought that starting with a rhetorical question is one of the recognized attention grabbing methods known as "hooks."

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         1. 80

            Uninvited Writerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Oh well, I went and changed it. I actually like the opening better

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            1. 0

               Website Examinerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               "Did you know that you can improve your article simply by removing rhethorical questions such as this one?"

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               1. 80

                  Uninvited Writerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  

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         2. 59

            Maembeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            It was, but now it's such a cliche.  That's how every 5th grader starts their first class speech. 
            Unless you have a really exciting rhetorical question, you shouldn't use them.  Just read it out loud once.  I can tell you're a good writer, but that kind of opening doesn't do the rest of your hub justice.

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            1. 0

               Website Examinerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               I agree. Anyway, the "hook" is supposed to be somewhere in the first paragraph. A more refined method may be to warm the reader up, then present a rhetorical question in the context that has just been given.
               
               In my latest hub, I ask a number of questions in the first paragraph. However, I do not consider them rhethorical questions, as I am hoping for the reader's response to them. I do not use rhethorical questions much, and can't recall ever having started out with one.

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6. 90

   Mrs. Menagerieposted 13 years ago

   Thanks so much...as soon as I get a chance I will improve my hub using this information.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your help!

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