Anyone in need of a laugh?

1. 74

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   The Woman Marine Pilot
   
   The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and told their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
   
   "Janie, do you have a story to share?"
   
   'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
   She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
   
   ''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
   
   "Don't fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."
   
   I love these touching stories!

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2. 70

   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   

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3. 61

   Peter Owenposted 13 years ago

   LOL  good advice.

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4. 74

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   Never knew HP had a filter to change bad words, but it does, because I copy/pasted in the full word!
   
   Anyway this is interesting.
   
   This year only -
   
   Take the last two digits of the year in which you were born - now add
   the age you will be this year,
   
   The results will be 111 for everyone in whole world.

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   1. 63

      CASE1WORKERposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      wow! 60+51 =111
      
      wow

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      1. 74

         IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         same here - 53 + 58 = 111.
         
         Weird, huh?

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   2. 73

      Hauntyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yea, because it's 2011. Try it next year.

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      1. 74

         IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Just this year only. Apparently, also this year, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens
         once every 823 years.

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5. 73

   Hauntyposted 13 years ago

   Well, I certainly understand the bottom line.

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6. 59

   Ron Montgomeryposted 13 years ago

   I go by the Mayan calendar and got different results...
   
   I want my money back!!

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   1. 74

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Uh...I don't know anything at all about the Mayan calender I'm afraid.

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7. 91

   Denise Handlonposted 13 years ago

   Here's one I heard today that is good for the young kids/grandkids.
   
   Do you know why Alabama is the smartest state? 
   
   "No  Why?"
   
   
   Because it has 3 A's and a 'B'   (4 A's if you are really paying attention!    )
   
   
   Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk....

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   1. 74

      IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Is it not 4 'A's?

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      1. 91

         Denise Handlonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Oooops           Yep, that's what I meant.    Thanks   (that BTW was the real joke,   )

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         1. 74

            IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            Well if it makes you feel any better, before I noticed that I was about to post to ask if this was an in-joke American thing!
            I'm glad in a way because it just shows the brain cells are not dead yet (mine I mean!)

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            1. 91

               Denise Handlonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

                  But MINE were, 

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8. 74

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   Never mind - here's more.
   
   
   You have to love British humor!
   These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:
   
   
   
   FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
   8 years old.
   Hateful little bastard.
   Bites!
   
   
   FREE PUPPIES.
   1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
   
   
   FREE PUPPIES.
   Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
   Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
   
   
   COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
   Also 1 gay bull for sale.
   
   
   JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
   Must sell washer and dryer £100.
   
   
   WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
   Worn once by mistake.
   Call Stephanie.
   
   **** And the WINNER is... ****
   
   FOR SALE BY OWNER.
   Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
   Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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   1. 66

      PhoenixVposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I Liked the sneaky neighbor's dog.lol

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   2. 91

      Denise Handlonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

        My fave is the encyclopedia set for sale.

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   3. 60

      SomewayOuttaHereposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      good ads...i just bought a hot tub via an ad stating something about it being 10  months old and no need for it since the wife just left him...so of course i had to call....before i said 'i'll take it'- i asked if the reason for the wife leaving was because of the hot tub...and then later asked  'should i get it removed quick because of the pending divorce?'

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9. 73

   danatheteacherposted 13 years ago

   I think the only phrase that comes to mind is "wow" or maybe "woah"

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10. 92

    RedElfposted 13 years ago

    
    
    Love the wedding dress advert! Thanks for brightening my day!

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