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We've all had major brain farts or have done things that we may even be too embarrased to admit, but if you want to go ahead and let the world know....we're all ears.
I am going to have to say this would be starting to smoke cigarettes. I have now quit and have not had one for over 3 months but I was smoking for a few years and I just wish iI would have never started. I am always going to want one when someone lights one up and I hate that.
Ok. I'll play. I walked out of the apartment I lived in, walked to my car and I noticed something wet pooled on the rim of my tire. I thought I was leaking brake fluid. I reached down and ran my finger in it, then rubbed my fingers together. It didn't feel oily at all. I don't know enough about brake fluid to know if it should be, but I thought it should. And I thought it should have been a little darker, but it was a light yellow. I went to smell it, to see if it smelled oily; and then realized I'd been closely inspecting dog pee. My neighbor had watched the whole thing and he was rolling on the ground laughing when I got done.
I think I did one of my "biggies" last week during the hurricane/tropical storm (whatever it was). The power went out a minute after I woke up. I can't function with my coffee, so I figured I'd make it "by hand" by sitting the drip-maker basket atop the carafe (really precariously, because the basket on my machine has a little thing on the bottom that protrudes and moves). I had the gas stove, so I boiled the water in the kettle and got a whole "science experiment deal" going with the measuring cup, the boiling water, the riskily perched basket, and a whole other little bunch of complications. (Keep in mind I truly wasn't functioning well because I had no coffee, and dealing with the mess that was going on was tricky.) I made a not-quite-half pot. Poured it. It was actually great tasting. Then the power came on. My travel mug is big, so it used up most of the coffee.
Worrying that the power wouldn't stay on, I decided to make a full pot "just in case". I put the basket back in the machine. Filled the pot. Dumped the water in. Something was horribly wrong because the water was sitting in the basket, and it was like "coffee grounds soup" in there. The button on the bottom of the basket didn't seem to be working (it's where the coffee comes out), so I used a spoon to try to get the button working. A big mess followed, and the coffee ran down the spoon as well as into the carafe (but only drips). The filter looked small, but I knew it was from the usual package. I figured I'd get the whole mess out, wash out that protuding button thing, and start all over. I had hot coffee dripping on the floor, spilled on the counter. It was, as I said, a giant, giant, mess.
Started all over again, and the same thing happened. The same mess. The same grounds-soup. I stood there looking at it, trying to think what was wrong. It's a fairly new machine. I make coffee in it - like - five times a day at least. Again, the button-thing wasn't dripping coffee at all, so again, I started making a mess with the spoon. SO, I figured I'd try the back-up basket (from an older coffee maker). I got the second whole, giant, messful of the basket across the floor and into the trash. I didn't know what was wrong. I hadn't even had the chance to drink that first cup, and I was completely confused about what was happening. It felt like I'd forgotten how to make coffee. SO, I dumped the second basketful of mess and water. I got rid of the measuring cup I'd used, any extra paraphernalia I'd dug out to make it "by hand", cleaned up the whole mess (I don't function well when there's a big mess around where I'm doing anything). It was all clean. I would start one more time. The basket and filter were in place. I filled the carafe again. I opened the machine top, and when I did I, as always, dumped the water into the well. When I did that, I realized what I'd been doing wrong - dumping the water into the basket instead of the well. And TWICE! It was as if, in my caffeine-deprived and storm-stressed, state; having started dumping the boiling water into the basket on the carafe had interupted my usual, take-it-for-granted/decades-long knowledge, of how to use a coffee maker.
I mean, stress is one thing. (I've made plenty of coffee under plenty of stress over the years.) Being caffeine-deprived is one thing. (I'm always caffeine-deprived when I'm making coffee. THAT'S why I'm making coffee in the first place.) I can only assume it was similar to the way our hands learn to dial someone's phone number without our thinking about the number (and how we then don't know the number in our head any more). Once I'd deviated from that old, habitual, move of dumping the water into the well, it was all over. In any case, there aren't words to describe how stupid I felt (particularly since I'd wasted two pots' worth of coffee over such a dumb thing). Again:
I would share, but my family reminds me of the litany of embarrassing things I've done over the years. If I spill the beans here I'll have no sanctuary.
There was a friend of my wife that I simply could not stand. I used to refer to her as "bucket mouth." She went out with her friend one night - no big deal. I fell asleep on the living room recliner. My wife woke me up when she got home and I asked her if she had a good time or if old bucket mouth never shut up. As I finished rubbing the tired out of my eyes, I could see her friend standing right behind her....and my po'd wife's face.
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