Kids!

1. 75

   DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years ago

   A first-grade girl was crying in class because she had gotten her arithmetic answers wrong.
   
   The teacher, trying to help, asked what was the matter.  Said the child,
   
   "I don't understand this problem.  I put 1 + 1 =3, and you marked it wrong.  But my mommy married my daddy, and mommy told me they were one plus one, and now there is me, so that makes 3.  How do you explain that?"
   
   
   
   (Uh-oh....lookout, teacher!)

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   1. 70

      Rosie2010posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      the kid is right!  here's another...
      
      Teacher:  Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
      
      Millie:  I is...
      
      Teacher:  No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
      
      Millie:  All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

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      1. 75

         DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         LOL!  Yep!  Teacher should learn her manners--don't interrupt when someone is speaking!  ;-)

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2. 100

   Rochelle Frankposted 13 years ago

   (ANd this one is for real!)
   I was doing playground supervision duty at school recess when a boy of about 7 ran up to me and said, pointing, "He called me the E word!" I mentally ran through my playground file of bad words but couldn't think of an E word. I leaned down and asked if he could whisper the word to me. "Idiot," he whispered.

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   1. 59

      Hollie Thomasposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      This is for real too. I was trying to teach my son (obviously many moons ago) to count on his fingers. I held up my first, second etc fingers up until I got to four. Now Thomas, how many is that? Four he replied. Great. Then I held up my thumb, too. Now Thomas, how many is that. "All  of them" how on earth do you answer that one?

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   2. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL  the kid doing the insulting must've had a heck of an accent....  ;-)

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   3. 70

      Rosie2010posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      

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3. 71

   Diane Insideposted 13 years ago

   Lol so cut.
   
   I had a teacher tell me what happened to her.
   
   She was teaching first grade, the first day of school.
   
   After lunch that day one little boy began gathering his backpack and supplies and puts on his coat.
   
   Teacher says, "What are you doing its not time to go."
   
   The student says. "We always go home after lunch."
   
   Teacher says, "Well that was when you were in Kindergarten, now you are in first grade and you stay all day."
   
   The student says. "Well who the hell signed me up for that?"
   
   The teacher said it took all her will power to keep from laughing.. LOL

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   1. 70

      Rosie2010posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL yeah... who da hell ... so funny

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   2. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hahahaha!  That's a good one!

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4. 70

   Rosie2010posted 13 years ago

   This is also a true story about my son when he was in Grade 1.  He kept talking about this girl Maureen in his class.  Maureen did this, Maureen said that. 
   
   So, I said "You really like Maureen, huh?"
   
   Without missing a beat, he said "It's not "like", Mom.  It's the big "L"
   
   Well, excuuuuse me. LOL

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   1. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hee hee!  Puppy love... cute!

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5. 75

   DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years ago

   Well, since we're on true stories, I'll tell one on myself.  I do not recall the incident, as I was only 3 at the time...but the story was told so often in the family that I can re-tell it.
   
   We were visiting my grandfather, and waiting for seating at a restaurant overlooking a river.  The waiting area was out on a nice lawn, (it was summer), and there was a hedge separating the grounds from the road.  At that point, the road went over a small bridge, all of which was out of sight to me behind the hedge.
   All of a sudden, a motorboat came putt-putt-putting up the river, and I'm told that I ran over to the hedge yelling, "What the hell was that?!" My grandfather (and my parents) nearly choked from laughing so hard.

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   1. 70

      Rosie2010posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Oh Lizzy, you were only 3?  That is hilarious!

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6. 82

   habeeposted 13 years ago

   I got one. When my brother was little, he pronounced "tr" as "f." Like most boys, he was fascinated by machinery and vehicles. Whenever he saw a tractor, he'd point and yell, "Factor, factor!" Whenever a truck would pass by, Mom would have to clamp her hand over his mouth...quickly!

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   1. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      LOL  too funny!

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7. 67

   VendettaVixenposted 13 years ago

   Apparently, when my uncle was little, he pronounced "Snickers" (as in, the candy bar) as "Nickers."
   One Christmas, the principal at his school dressed up as Santa and handed out little fun-sized bars - Mars, Snickers, Twix, that sort of thing. My uncle happened to get a Snickers, and when he finished eating it, he walked up to the principal and said
   "Can I have more Nickers? I ate mine."

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   1. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hee, hee..well, I don't think they wear knickers anymore...so I guess the principal was safe enough, and presumably, your uncle wasn't wearing that style of clothing, either....  LOL

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      1. 67

         VendettaVixenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         At least, I hope he wasn't.

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8. 75

   DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years ago

   This one is about my cousin, just about the time she was 3 or 4--that seems to be a great age for coming up with and saying the darndest things!
   
   Her grandmother was babysitting one day, and decided it would be fun to take a trip to the fire house to see the fire trucks.  The firemen were delighted to show her all around, and one of them even put her up in the driver's seat of the fire engine.
   Young Joan looked all around, folded her arms primly across her chest, and in her best condescending royal tones, announced, "My Daddy has a Volkswagen!"

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9. 76

   Aficionadaposted 13 years ago

   True story from my sister-in-law:
   
   In a restaurant, they ordered Buffalo Wings as their appetizer.
   
   Five-year-old boy:  What are these?
   
   Adult:  Chicken wings.
   
   Puzzled little boy:  Well, how do they get the wings off of the chicken?
   
   Adult, miming to demonstrate:  They just lift up the wings and cut them off with a knife.
   
   Little boy:  Man, that poor chicken must have been freaking out!

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   1. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Wow--way to traumatize a kid!
      
        (I always wondered where they got the winged buffalo.....)    
      
      It was making a similar connection all by myself at about age 8 that turned me into a vegetarian....

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