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Review of my first hub?

  1. Mushi-san profile image61
    Mushi-sanposted 5 years ago

    Hi, all,
    I've just posted my first hub, and I wonder if y'all could critique it for me. It links to a few other hubs I've published, because I'm telling a long story. I'd like to increase my score. Who wouldn't?

    By the way, when I went  to post this a minute ago, I got a message warning that I shouldn't link to a hub that might be considered self-promotional. I do make reference to a tour company that I recommend, but I don't have a link to them, and they don't have an affiliate program anyway. Is that OK?



    http://mushi-san.hubpages.com/hub/Trave … -the-world

  2. profile image0
    Larry Wallposted 5 years ago

    Your information is good an informative. However, as an old newspaper reporter, I would say the weak point is the lead, or first paragraph of the story. You put it there because it seems like the logical place to start.

    I would recommend taking one of the interesting things you have seen and talking about it. Then you can say we saw this on one of our six trips to Africa. The continent is so amazing we are looking forward to more trips.

    In journalism there is the Who, What, When, Where, Why and How rule of thumb. In your hub you told us who, (you) and where (trip to Africa)

    Pick something else in the what category, followed by when, and where, and then go from there.

    Your information is great, just need to re-order it a little.

  3. Mushi-san profile image61
    Mushi-sanposted 5 years ago

    Thanks so much, Larry! I really appreciate the advice. It makes sense. I can't wait to give it a try!

    1. profile image0
      Larry Wallposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Good luck. If I can be of any additional help, please feel free to contact directly through my profile page.