Middle child syndrome Should I seek treatment for my symptoms I am a 53 year old man
I have read information concerning middle child syndrome. The symptoms are very strong and worries me about doing things always alone. Loner type. No friends and never do things with anyone. I am always alone.
Different people describe the traits of various birth order positions in different ways, and some of those descriptions are contradictory! I had always heard that the middle child was the go-between, the peacemaker, the one who can get along with everyone else. But any generalities are just that - generalities.
If you have symptoms that bother you, it might be worthwhile to talk with a counselor of some kind, if that seems like a good idea to you. But you could also join some sort of group(s) that involve(s) any interest(s) you have and get to know people who like the same things you do.
Some people are just more social than others, and that's okay. The world would be so boring if we were all the same!
You can also learn a lot about different personality types by reading some of the Hubs here. There are some truly amazing people who have written about their life experiences, and you may just find the wisdom that will help you out. And also, you may be able to find a comfortable level of social interaction here by entering the forums occasionally and participating in some of the conversations. It's kind of a non-threatening way to interact with other people, because you can do it on your own time.
You should find somebody to discuss the problem with. A doctor or counselor, I mean. The symptoms you notice may very well be related to a different disorder. It's best to let a professional decide what the issue may be, instead of diagnosing yourself.
I'm a middle child who spends much of the time alone, too. I always assumed that my problem was depression... but I was wrong. I went through treatment for bi-polar disorder (arguing the whole way through about whether the diagnosis was right lol) and life has never been better.
I've read a lot of that stuff, and I'm a middle child too. From what I've seen, a lot of what is said about middle children is pretty much baloney. There may be some truth to some of it, but the same "truth" can also apply to people who aren't middle children at all.
Should you seek help? If you feel like you need help you should seek it; but I don't think you should specifically be thinking of "middle-child syndrome" if you decide to seek help.
I'm a combination of very independent and not necessarily needing/wanting anyone involved in some things; but also being very much someone who tries to be the "peace-keeper" (the books say middle children often are). For me, because I wasn't "the big cheese" at home, I think I found my "big cheese-ness" outside the house, making friends, being a little bit of leader among them, and having a great time. I get along with pretty much most people and enjoy socializing with a close friend or two. At the same time, I also enjoy my alone time.
I think if you're happy being alone you shouldn't let anyone make you think there's anything wrong with that. Then again, if you're not happy being alone and wish you could be different; maybe seeking help would be a good idea. Either way, go with how you feel within and what's in your heart - and forget about the books (in my opinion). (Part of being a middle child for me was knowing that if I needed someone to tell me I was "OK" or "a fine person", I had better be the one to judge myself, hold myself to my own standards, and then tell myself if/when I measured up. My mother was always kind of looking for non-existent problems because I was a middle child, and it irked the heck out of me that she didn't just see how OK I was. So, to me, being a middle child made me strong, independent, and able to define who/what I am for myself. )
I have good news. If you are productive and happy doing things alone that should be OK. However, if you are worried about doing things alone and the way you feel is having an impact on your quality of life then I would suggest that you consider talking to someone like a specialist who can get some information from you to determine if your concern is well founded or not.
For example, sometimes people think that they have a serious disease. If they want to feel better they go to a doctor. The doctor asks some questions, perhaps gives some type of test. The diagnosis was just a common cold, not to worry. If they do have a condition that should be treated, then the doctor can prescribe a cure. In yet another example, somebody feels alone. If they do not want to feel alone, then the prescription is to reach out. One way to reach out is volunteer energy and time to some type of civil organizaion, for example, the Red Cross, a local hospital, a homeless shelter, serving meals at a senior center. Many organizations are looking for volunteer helpers- an excellent prescription for not doing things alone.
Some of the other suggestions offered by other writers here are good and insightful. It is an excellent idea that you decided to write about the way you feel. Getting feedback and response from others is the first step in not doing things alone. How did writing feel?
We all wish you the very, very best!
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