Do you think that family nowadays is overrated? Is it more harm than good to have a family?
Of course, you can't choose your own family. I am talking about blood relations here, although of course you can choose your own family, what you consider to be your family should I say. Does the benefit of a family outweigh the negativity at times?
Yes, it is worth it. Both my husband and I had bad childhood experience with family. So when we married we decided what kind of family we would have and we made it happen. We cannot control other people so those relatives that brought drama and ugliness to our lives - we did not spend time with them.
You can control your own life and fill it with people who bring good things to you, love you and support you. You do not have to tolerate those that are filled with ugliness and drama.
One of John Lennon's most unpopular quotes is that 98% of babies are born out of a bottle. I believe it's unpopular because while that percentage is a bit high, there's enough truth to it to make people uncomfortable. Way too many get married and / or have babies with no thought or planning, and when problems arise, they blame everyone and everything but themselves. Anyone who suggests giving the matter thought is considered harshly judgmental, and those who think the matter out are accused of taking the matter too seriously (in other words, JUDGED). I once had a female co-worker in her early 40's who had never married or had children. She told me she'd often get questioned by other women, and they'd ask what was wrong with her. She'd grown up among a lot of family dysfunction; that's reason enough for her to choose not to have a family. In addition, she was a lesbian who had sense enough not to deny that fact to herself.
Do the benefits of a family outweigh the negativity? Only in the cases where the parties have sense enough to plan and make it so!
Smart spot on analysis. Many people do not think before having children and the children suffer.This is evident in people seeking psychological/psychiatric help because of family dysfunction. Also, families oftentimes take each other for granted.
The definition of family is forever changing and evolving. Family used to mean blood relatives; however, the ever evolving definition includes friends and other nonrelatives who love, support, and treat us with respect. Many traditional(blood related) families contain so much drama and have unwritten and unsaid expectations from its members.
Many parents feel that become they have children that they OWN their children and they can treat the latter as they wish. They treat their children disrespectfully and play power games with their children. They treat their children in ways that can be classified as abusive, if not physically, then emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically.
Many parents routinely believe that their children are to unquestioningly and blindly obey them with affording their children a participatory role in the family. They do not value their children's individuality but expect them to be replicas of them in one way or another. If their children do not conform, they use subtle or overt ways to make them conform to the family construct. There are some parents who eject or disown their children because they are not like them or the rest of the family members.
Many parents callously disrespect their children or make them conform by applying the art of comparison. That is, comparing one child to another child. Another byproduct of this art of comparison is parental favoritism. The majority of parents practice favoritism with their children whether they admit or not. Conversely, there is one child in the family that is disfavored by their parents for one reason or another. To go further, some children in families are regularly scapegoated.
Besides the parental relationship, there is the sibling relationship. Many siblings have an animus against each other based upon a combination of factors which include favoritism and birth order status. Some birth orders are treated more differentially and/or preferentially than others. Because of such treatment, some siblings harbor ill feelings towards each other, even into adulthood. Not only immediate families play gamesmanship, extended families also indulge in destructive gamemanship with each other. Many families love each other on certain conditions.
Then there are friends who love and support each other no matter what. They respect each other for the authentic persons they are, not some idealized persons. They also appreciate each other, never taking each other for granted.
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