What is the psychological explanation of a man flirting with a woman outside of anyone's view?
I assume it's natural and probably even healthy for men to flirt a little OUT IN THE OPEN, even in the presence of their spouses. But what about a man who would go into the kitchen when a friend of his wife is cooking, put his arm on her back, and tell her she's looking good? I recently found out that a friend had kept this secret after more than 40 years regarding my former husband who subsequently left our family and divorced me. I'm wrestling with understanding the cause and meaning of this revelation. I've also had an old "grandpa" figure do the same to me when no one was around.
As far as your friend is concerned, I question her motives. Why make such a confession 40 years later? Whenever someone comes carrying a bone, I first ask myself," How do I benefit from this information? You must ask yourself the same question. I suspect that this revelation is of no use at all, and only serves to open an old wound and cause confusion. Why would a true friend put such useless poison in your mind?
Concerning the men, surely you must realize that most men are like dogs when it comes to sexuality. Being a man, I have understood this since my libido kicked in to overdrive at the age of 5- 6 years old. Often when a female teacher would hug me (because I was so cute) I would get an erection. Even a man who wishes to be faithful to his spouse can be compelled by the look and the scent of a woman to become sexually aggressive. This is more a matter of intelligent design (God) than a conscious decision to be promiscuous. If your friend is being honest, then your ex-husband was obviously looking for a little something on the down low. Such behavior is not uncommon. It also appears that Grandpa is still "feeling his oats" . For many men , any kind of sex, from any kind of woman is good sex. They are simply made that way.
W, thank you for your open answer. I must clairify - I hadn't seen my friend in years and may not for a long time. I purposely asked her honestly if she remembered anything she noticed about my marriage when we were all young that I couldn't see.
Whether it is done in public or out of view, it is a violation of someone's space to put your arms around him or her by sneaking up from behind. It's only acceptable if there is a prior understanding.
One trainee did this at our clinic to another married trainee. He was immediately let go. Later we found out he lost his license to practice in another state due to this behavior.
This is not intelligent design. This is not normal. It is not caused by hormones. That's all an excuse. It's often caused by a sexual addiction or a brain deficit--like have been in a traumatic brain injury accident.
However you want to define the truth, it remains the same. Furthermore, a sexual addict does not make a conscious decision to be an addict. His addiction is the result of various chemical and psychological factors. My advice: read and learn.
Dr. Billy, thank you so much for your helpful response. As friends around me are facing the inevitable, I'm trying to piece together some of the puzzle of my life, mainly this aspect which is like one of those level 5 Soduku puzzles with few clues.
KatyWhoWaited, lot's of people go through a period of reevaluation of their lives especially at the 0 years (40, 50, 60 etc.). I know I have. It's normal.
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