What would you do if your friend flirted with your spouse?
While on vacation with a few other couples, I watched in disbelief as one friend blatantly flirted with another friends husband.
I could not understand why his wife said nothing. Being good friends with the wife I finally got up the nerve to ask her why she didn’t put a stop to it. She said that it was her husbands responsibility to respect his wife, ignore the flirting girl, and focus his attention on the wife. At the end of the trip, my friend and her husband ended up arguing about this. It didn’t end well.
I am not sure how I would have handled this. So what would you do?
If the woman doing the flirting was a friend of mine, I would take her aside and ask her what's going on and why she's doing it. The best response that would put a stop to it would be for the husband being flirted with to take the gal aside and tell her to knock it off, that is making everyone uncomfortable.
The ‘flirting girl’ has always acted in ways to get the attention of men. She is the type of girl who can not stay faithful… always has a number of men on a string. On top of that she is a ‘social drunk’. But, …she has never flirted with anyone’s hus
Some people do this in order to start fights. She may have wanted to see if her own husband would go ballistic or be hurt. Regardless of the motive, it's a sick puppie.
I watched the ‘flirting girl’s’ boyfriend too. He didn’t seem to care about what was going on, …but he is used to her actions… and he knows that she has cheated on all of her boyfriends in the past, so I’m guessing that he expects this to happen.
I know it is not right, but a lot of women feel insecure around groups of people or others in general and I think that they might feel better by themselves by getting the attention of others, even if its a friends husband. They might not mean any harm, but of course it is going to be hurtful.
Instead of making a huge fight over it and ruing your relationship with your spouse and your friend, I would first let me friend know that I am not comfortable about how she is acting and let her know that it is hurting my feelings.
If she then realizes what she is doing and stops, I would probably let it go that time and just keep an eye on her behavior.
And remember not to get really mad with your spouse without discussing it first. If she is the one doing the flirting it does not mean he is flirting back, and if he is being friendly he might just not know how to respond since it is a friend.
They ended up in a fight because the wife waited until she was very angry before she said anything to husband. It wouldn't have be an argument if she told him sooner.
-If it were me, I would have said something the minute it started to bother me.
Well, if somebody start flirting with my future husband I would do nothing about that. It's just a flirt. It's fun. The flirt does not mean anything. It would be funny to think, that man's attention must be concentrated on his wife for the whole life. Everybody need attention from opposite sex. So flirting is a good way to test your skills again. I would be angry if my husband would be unfaithful to me, but I would let my husband to flirt, because true feeling to each other can be revealed.
I would have to confront the person about it. I would become very jealous if a friend flirted with my wife.
As a matter of fact, my girlfriend actually flirts with other guys. I'm perfectly okay with that because she's so beautiful. I'm used to guys flirting with her because she's so irresistable. Not to be a braggart, but quite a few women flirt with me as well. She already knew this was the case. Before she and I got together, one agreement that we had was that it's okay if guys flirt with her and if women flirt with me. At the end of the day, we know who both she and I are coming home to (and it ain't none of them). So when my friends flirt with my girlfriend I just laugh and chime in. I add a little this and that and we all have a good laugh. She does the same. I don't get offended when my friends flirt with my chick. I respect my girlfriend and she knows it. I don't ignore women who flirt with me. My attention is focused on my girlfriend, however. We have never had one single argument about this. In conclusion, I'm perfectly fine if my girlfriend flirts with other guys because I know that she and I will be participating in fun extracurricular activities when we get home.
There is a difference between friendly, playful flirting and intense -I want you now- signals. In this story it was not ‘all in fun’ flirting. I understand why the wife was upset. I just think that I would have handled it differently than she did.
There's a movie called "Guide to the Married Man" from the circa 1967 starring Walter Matthau. I own it and it's one of my favorites. In it there's a part where Walter's sexy married neighbor flirts openly with him in front of his wife when they gather for parties, in their house, no less. After one of these parties, Walter's wife asks him who the sexiest girl in the party was that night. Of course he picks the least attractive one and the wife asks, "Then why were you dancing with Irma Johnson all night?" She quickly told him that it's okay, she is very attractive and can't blame him for flirting with her. Then they kissed and screen fades to whatever they kept from us in 60s television. lol
That's exactly how I would have handled it. No harm, no foul. Men love attention from the opposite sex. Some women are naturally flirtatious and can't help themselves. It doesn't mean they will take it any farther.
It's all about trust you have for your spouse, the morals your marriage is based on and the confidence and self esteem you have as a woman.
Of course there is a line that should never be crossed and that's if the flirting continues when you're not around, or physical contact such as sitting on his lap. That's just disrespectful and should be addressed. Otherwise, don't sweat it. You should play the game and not give it any more importance or you will turn something like friendly flirting into the forbidden fruit. And I think we all know what door that opens.
If I were the wife, I would've spoke up and said something to the flirting woman in front of everyone. I don't care if it would've caused us to end a friendship. I'd trust my husband to not cheat but still, I'd expect him to act the same way if one of his guy friends came onto me. Besides, if she were truely a friend of the wife's,she wouldn't have been flirting.
At that point, nothing. My husband doesn't recognize flirting 98.9% of the time, and I wouldn't want to embarrass him by pointing it out on the spot. You can bet that there would be a confrontation later with the flirting friend. That's openly disrespectful to both me and my husband, and he'd be just as hurt as me if he'd realized what she was doing. If she persisted, then we simply wouldn't be spending time with that friend anymore, as respect is extremely important to both me and my husband in relationships at any level.
On the flip side, my husband would and has dealt with it immediately -- I do recognize flirting, and alert him immediately if any male friends act inappropriately.
You have lost the opportunity of handling the situation at the time of its occurrence and now if you react, it will not leave a serious impact on your friend. In fact you have not chosen a right person to be your friend. A true friend will respect your spouse and will never go wrong with her. Before something serious happens, you should break the friendship or stay away from him as far as possible. Your friend will come to know of your move and might feel guilty if he is a real human being..
Your wife is right telling that it was your responsibility to protect her. So don't be careless if next time it happens.
I'd call them out on the spot.
"Sally, are you really going to let your husband flirt with her?"
Name made up, of course, but you get my gist.
Then again, this may not be the answer for everything, but I'm one to usually call it as I see it, and my friends all know me well.
Well...that's not much of a friend to begin with especially if she is flirting with a married man. I would agree that it is up to the man to step away from the situation. If the man continues to flirt back then there were issues with this relationship long before the trip began. The man seems a bit needy if he didn't walk away, perhaps he liked the attention. Nonetheless this is very poor behavior on behalf of the flirtatious women.
I would be upset, upset, upset! Because I trust my husband like he trusts me. And I want him to 'flirt' with just me. Talking is okay. You have to talk to other people. But if it is 'noticeable' by me, and I become embarrassed, I won't like it!
Stop seeing that person as a friend. They are a danger.
Put a great distance between yourself and such a "friend".
I would and have come right out and as the wife and said I do not appreciate you flirting with my husband, and don't try to call it just fun, or kidding, when a woman is suspicious she is probably right. I would then in front of her tell him I expect him to put a stop to it out of respect for me and our marriage. Actually this has happened to me and it ended up in an affair and ultimately a divorce.
It appears as though the majority here so far, are much younger than I am.......generations apart. It also seems that "flirting" has a different meaning now-a-days. This is not surprising to me, but it IS disappointing.
Despite however "flirting" is perceived, in reality it is a dangerous practice for MARRIED people to participate in.
All this talk of "ignoring" and/or "tolerating" it is totally disingenuous, as well as irresponsible. Can we get real here and be honest adults?
Behind all actual "flirting," there is INTENTION. Can anyone think of a single possible case of infidelity that did NOT begin with FLIRTING? You cannot. I'm certain of this.
My first logical question to married individuals would be, "What's your point?"
It also looks as though, in addition to having a slanted view of flirting, the term, "friend" seems to be used very loosely. In my 60's now, I cannot think of a single REAL friend I've ever had, who would be bold enough, rude enough and cheap enough to make a visible, intentional pass at my husband. Truly respectable friends simply don't do this. Time to seriously re-evaulate your choice of the people you associate with....immediately
Sound silly to some? Well, what I'm reading here is fairly foolish to be discussed back and forth, as if there are so many various options on how to handle this.
The reality is there is ONE. Confront, comment and put a stop to it, right there and then, face to face with the insecure idiot who needs to be taught several social, moral and acceptable modes of behavior.
Some things are cut and dry. Being low enough to make an intentional move on the spouse of someone else is OFF LIMITS in just about every scenario or culture we could name. Further, how outrageous that it's done in full view of one's own spouse and a group of other couples. The word insult and disrespect ring loudly here.
What would I do? I'll just say, it would be quick, deliberate and simple, but believe me, my actions and words however restrained, would be powerful enough to leave an indelible memory.
Just be rational about it. Sit down privately with whom ever and speak with them about your predicament. Tell them you don't like their actions around your spouse and if they could please not flirt with them. Be level headed about the situation and if it progresses ask the person to stay away from your spouse until the problem is resolved.
The best thing is to let that woman keep the man for good. That is the helthiest solution for all such misbehaviors.
I have to tell my husband when someone is flirting with/attracted to him. He will say, "The waitress? What did she look like?" or "Poor woman, she needs to take cooking lessons from you." We have a laugh about it. So no, I do mind. I would trust him to avoid temptation even if he did notice.
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