Well... Joe, from the Galactic Federation, dropped by.
He informed me that we have exceeded our population quota. The limit is one billion; but unfortunately we are just shy of seven. Six billion people must die immediately.
He also apologized for not getting to us sooner, but our file was misplaced.
He has put me in charge of this problem. I must select six billion people to be killed within 24 hours. I only have to select them. Joe will take care of the actual killing logistics.
So, who do I choose?
Start with everyone not smart enough to brown nose. There will not be that many; but, those people have no sense of survival anyway.
Second, set up a bridge to a safe area for the right people to gather. The correct people must answer three random questions. Reference Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. Exactly what is you favorite color anyway?
Joe sounds like a bureaucratic type of soul. You could find out what he means by people. We might not fit the standard definition. Of course, you run the risk of being treated like cockroaches. At best, we might gain enough time for us to depopulate on our own while his superiors decide how to handle the issue. Bureaucratic types loves it when things go away on their own. I know he has superiors. Anyone that loses a file has superiors. Superiors never admit losing files. That is the job of middle management.
Needless to say, Joe (and his superiors) saw your post. He now informs me that I have 2 hours to submit the specifications. Oh, well...
Oh. i thought we had a chance of not qualifying as people. I still have some doubts along those lines. Maybe a format along the lines of the Gong Show would be appropriate.
Let him know the UN will require an environmental impact study by the brother of the UN President before he can proceed. That should buy us five years unless he bribes the guy.
I tried. He's not buying it. We now have an hour and 35 minutes.
Then is is Time to party. End of the World, last chance. You are invited; but, I understand if you have to finish work.
Choose anybody or nations, the rest will take care of themselves without the help of mighty Joe.
Randomness is an option. But this is a one-time shot at instant Darwinism. Do we really not want to avail ourselves of this opportunity?
I would have to side with the idea of randomness. Any criteria that you use will be inherently bias. If you select by age, it would be descriminating by age. There are old people that are more useful than young people, and vice versa. If you select by illness condition, there are sick people who have ideas and solutions in their head that can save humanity, etc.
For whatever criteria you select, there will be an argument against that criteria. Hence the only right choice is no criteria -- ie randomness.
I understand that randomness does not enhance Darwinism evolution, neither does it impair it. It is neutral. It will take out the good as well as the bad. It will keep the good as well as the bad as well.
If Joe has that kind of ability, it might behoove you to make things easy for him.
Logistically, it might be easier for him to work in one or two geographic areas. What is the population of China? India?
On a closing note, include yourself - you won't want to live with yourself after making that kind of decision.
Joe's technology is quite advanced. He can do it without the destruction of property. Also, he has the capability to utilize any criteria that I may suggest.
Heck, I've had a good life. I'll volunteer.
There is a Catch-22 rule here, right?
No tricks. 6 out of every 7 of us must die.
Age could be one criteria. If so, do you have a specific number in mind?
I haven't given this great thought cos that is a lot of people to waste. I think we could start on Republican and Coservative supporters, Christian fundamentalists and rabid atheists. Gosh< it would be a hard job.
Everyone over age 59.
All career criminals.
All individuals with terminal illnesses.
All individuals with hereditary diseases.
Unfortunately, we are still probably a few billion short here...
Anyone who was going to die in the next 10 years anyway (yep, the Galactic Federation is really, really technologically advanced).
Anyone who has been addicted to drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes for more than 5 years.
We are still probably a billion short...
There are certain professions that inherently unethical people gravitate to. I'm looking for suggestions...
Can you up the age limit by seventeen years, kinda partial to ma you know.
Anyone who has littered more than 10 times in the last year. This activity is considered a reliable character indicator. Criteria won't apply to locations where there is already rampant litter.
Uh, I think that approach might wipe out everyone running the farms. Can you image one billion people without a clue on how to grow food or certain recreational herbs. Tense and hungry.
How come I'm the only one adding to this list?
All self-appointed world policemen.
All underdeveloped countries, I mean come on if they haven't figured out how to develop by now they never will.
You do know that the PC police are now circling...
well kinda thought that if 6 billion people are going to have to go being Politically Correct is not an issue.
Besides all those politically correct people spouting their crap needs to go as well.
All telephone solicitor managers. That's right. Not the telephone solicitors; many are young and know not what they do. Just their bosses/managers. Well, then again... Also, any telephone solicitor who has been doing it for more than 5 years.
And that's a very good question.
Should there be an IQ criteria?
I had an ex boyfriend named Joe, guess he's up to his old tricks again.
Include me in this anihalation.
I don't want to live in a world where Joe has this much power.
There is no relation. Trust me. Joe has tentacles.
List addition inquiries:
Certain national banks management?
All pay day loans shops owners?
Virus writers and users. Though I suppose that would be under criminal.
All American medical billing personal who have been in the business for more than 5 years. I mean after that long, they are no longer innocent and know exactly what they are doing.
okay well let me me say goodbye all to the 1 billion who are left, I want to say Good Luck!
You'll need it.
It's getting serious...
All unemployed in first-world countries.
All unemployed in second-world countries.
All unemployed in third-world countries.
How about all real racists and sexists? I'm not talking about people who say a joke; but the ones who really do believe that non-whites are inferior and women are property
This concludes paradigmsearch's unpaid forum posts.
Then again, he'll probably be back tomorrow.
Sorry for not getting back to you all sooner. I've been in various meetings with Joe and the gang.
I am happy to announce that Joe has postponed implementation until 12.21.12.
I'm late picking up this thread, but I love it, so have to comment! I really like Leroy's comment about getting rid of brown-nosers; agree there probably are, if not 6, several billion. Next, find me an older Fiat w/double-overhead cam or an older (smaller), Z -- both manual and I'm sure I can manage to eliminate one of us in the mtns if I try NOT to drive! I'd ask for a Lotus or Isuzu w/Lotus suspension, but I'd never pull it off--the car would let me!
Came back to this, and discovered my comment wouldn't make sense to anyone else; however, I like Alastar's comment (which I'd missed!) since I'm older, and would also point out that, As Far As I'm Concerned, Leroy, "bureaucratic souls" is a horrid oxymoron! Lol!!
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