(This is what happens when people don't know how to express themselves clearly!)
Church Ladies with Typewriters
They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced at church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans,
bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things
not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
Don't let worry kill you off
- let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again, giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
Next Thursday there will be
try-outs for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were
married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight,
the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -
prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn
singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'
by Stevennix2001 9 years ago
Okay, well the title of this explains it all, so please tell me which athlete would you love to meet if you could only pick one, then say why you'd want to meet them.
by Linda Bilyeu 8 years ago
Which day do you dislike the most?
by momster 8 years ago
What brings you back to church every Sunday? What is the reasoning for you to go back. Sunday School Classes, Bible Studies, Sermons, Singing, The Congregation,Your Faith in God?
by crankalicious 7 months ago
Here's a pastor in Louisiana, a state really struggling with this outbreak, actively encouraging people to gather in large groups. He doesn't believe the virus is real.Detain him?Jail him?Hold him personally accountable for anyone who contracts Coronavirus and dies?
by Alem Belton 6 years ago
Why do Black preachers dress in expensive clothes, drive expensive cars and live in expensive homes?i am not being racist or stereotypical here, this is a fact. I am a black man and I can tell you that this is a fact. Most of them do. But why? Shouldn't they be using this...
by ngureco 8 years ago
Should Tithe and Offerings Be Based On 10% of Net Earnings or Gross Earnings?
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