Is it wrong to deny a toddler a hug and kiss for the 20th time in a row?

1. 93

   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   Is it wrong to deny a toddler a hug and kiss for the 20th time in a row?
   
   My 2 year old is using the I want a kiss trick to get us back in the room after bed time. I know what she's doing but I feel wrong denying her basic affection even if it is repeated. How do I make it stop?!?!

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2. 87

   innerspinposted 11 years ago

   Persistence, peeples. She's using the technique shamelessly. Play her at her own game. Do not engage in attention seeking behavior. In your heart, you know what she's doing. It's about control. Who's the adult?
   
   I know you've asked about potty training issues recently. There's a lot going on. It's not wrong, it's not cruel, this girlie is testing her boundaries. Show her what they are. Be consistent . Regular bedtimes are important for health and wellbeing. You're a lovely mother!

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   1. 93

      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you. It's just hard when they're so sweet about it. I rationally know what's going on and am weak. Bedtimes were never an issue until she turned 2. Since, not so easy!

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3. 82

   peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

   My boy who is 6 years old love the Kissing Hand trick which i learnt from youtube. It is a great idea to have the boy enjoy kissing the hand in order to remember that mummy loves him wherever he goes,even to school. I only limit him to 3 times in a row. 20 times seems overboard. 3 times is the maximum for me.

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4. 0

   KEPitzposted 11 years ago

   It really IS adorable when they do that, isn't it? LOL... Unfortunately, at age 2, she's figuring out that you think it's adorable, and she's pushing your buttons by being cute. All kids do it. Mine did. Her kids will do it to her when she's a mom, too. It's just a matter of setting boundaries. I'd let my son get away with that maybe 2 or 3 times, then gently but firmly tell him that Mommy has things that need to be done, and it's time for little ones to dream wonderful dreams. No need to feel guilty about telling your 2 year old "No". It's necessary and healthy. If you don't set boundaries for a child, you're not preparing them for life in the real world!

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5. 75

   ExpectGreatThingsposted 11 years ago

   I LOVE 2 year olds! Their little antics make me smile so much. And then they exasperate me. I have complete confidence that you will find something that works. What worked with us is that when I left the room the first time I gave several hugs and kisses and told my kids that that was all they got until morning. And then there were tears, and I didn't give in. The next morning they still loved me just as much
   
   And the next week, they moved on to some other tactic to delay bedtime!

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6. 61

   momfirmsposted 11 years ago

   My son use to do 'the hug and kiss trick' for breast milk... He was breast fed until he was almost two when I decided that enough was enough. My plan was to do it for 1 year exactly. I felt that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when he would cry and then hug and kiss my face... then he would reach for the boob five minutes later, and I would know for sure that I was being played.
   
   How much is too much? I was not hurting him by stopping, in fact I feel that I hurt him because I continued for so long. The point of being parent (I think) is to lead your child into an independent state (teach a man to fish***)
   
   My husband tells our toddler all the things we do when we are not with him and it seems to calm him down. He tells our son why I am no longer able to breast feed and all the alternatives. We have a small refrigerator that he is able to use at any-time and we fill it up with his cups and bottles with juice and milk and he is able to take one whenever he wishes and we let him know it's because he will no longer be getting milk from me and that this is what big boys do.
   
   Communication and alternatives works for us and it may also work for you and your little girl. Like the promise of extra hugs when she wakes up or just anything extra special that she likes to do as a reward in the mornings, just for being a big girl... Good luck with it.

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7. 95

   cat on a soapboxposted 11 years ago

   Our sweet kids are adorable manipulators, and the bedtme tricks are the hardest to resist! My suggestion would be to tell her to give you the biggest hug and kiss she can because it will have to last until morning wake-up time when there will be another BIG one waiting to say "Good morning!!!" You can make a fun game out of it if you want to, but stick to your word in the end. Even if she cries, you have to stick it out and be persistent. Once she sees that you mean business, she'll give it up. Good luck!

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8. 56

   OutWestposted 11 years ago

   I would give a hug and a kiss every time while getting them back to bed.  I could never deny affection to my 2 year old.  I'm sure she would keep finding new tactics even though I would give her affection anyways, so what is the difference.  Denying affection to me is one of the worst things you can do to your child.  They need constant bonding no matter what the situation is.  And I have to put them back to bed anyway so why not with a hug and kiss.

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