When is a hug more than a hug between a man and a woman who is NOT his wife?
If a man hugs a woman in front of his wife, where is the line that it has gone too far? The "hug" is fine. Does it cross the line with a kiss on the cheek? A kiss on the neck? Prolonged hugging? A kiss on the mouth? Does it just depend on the woman or on the situation or is it ALWAYS over the line when more than a hug?
Anything more than a quick hug is over the line and I'd rip her hair off her head. Just kidding about the hair, but anything more is just inappropriate. I also feel that there is a sideways quick hug that is better between opposite sexes who are not married rather than a full, front-on hug. A kiss of any type would tick me off and I'd feel disrespected as the wife. Then there are the women who make sure they bend over just so and allow full view down their low-cut shirts to whichever man will look. I mean, if you can steal a man from his wife, do you truly want him? I wouldn't want a man who would walk away from a commitment for me over something like that, because you can be sure he'll turn around and do the same thing to the next woman. Okay, getting off my soap box.
Everytime.... A handshake is just as appropriate as a small hug and it often means more. Anytime more is just foreplay!
A hug can bring a spark to life that would otherwise be kept at bay. It is back to the level of respect in a relationship. A pat on the back can be more than the handshake, yet less intimate than a hug! Thanks for commenting.
I am a man, and I cannot apologize for that, but as for hugging, my wife is always near. The only woman that I care to hug is my two granddaughters, my grandson, but my pastor's wife, and we three know where and respect starts and stops. Plain as that.
It depends on the two people hugging. My husband and I have a mutual best friend he always hugs me and kisses me on the cheek...He actually does it with all of our close friends. Doesn't bother me or my husband. I think we all know when someone is being inappropriate. If you or your spouse is uncomfortable with it, it is inappropriate and should be corrected immediately
Here is a thought, just don't hug another woman in front of your wife all together, therefore, all problem would be resolved.
I agree, unless the male spouse don't mind his wife giving out hugs as well, in front of him.
Totally true, but if not in front of her....definitely NOT behind her back as well please! Thanks for commenting!
I think it is more than a hug when it lasts too long and the context.
Depends on the situation and the other woman! For example if he hugs my grandma and give her a kiss I don't think there will be a problem!
As others have stated; it depends on the people involved and their cultural backgrounds ...
HUG: Frontal hugs between a man and woman who aren't related or intimately involved with each other is considered inappropriate. You'll notice that opposite sex relatives usually hug from the mid-chest and upward. Any hug that includes the breasts and groin areas touching is too intimate and therefore inappropriate for anyone who is not a mate.
Some people don't know how long to hold a hug. A three-count is generally the longest acceptable time for a "hello/good-bye" hug, even if there is some back-patting .... and about that: A quick pat is acceptable, rubbing is NOT.
The one-armed or sideways hug is sometimes used as a solution. I often see a handshake/one-arm hug combo used which states, "I feel closer to you than just an acquaintance, but not so close as to violate personal boundaries with a full hug".
KISSING: Because so many of us come from cultural backgrounds where a kiss on the cheek or corner of the mouth was the social norm, that tradition bled over into North American society. That said, there are still social rules about it. A cheek kiss is for close friends and family members. A corner-of-the-mouth kiss stays in the family. A mouth kiss and kiss on the neck is for a mate only.
All social rules aside: It really depends on the comfort level of the man's wife and it may change depending on who the other woman is. I suggest that every couple have this conversation and if the couple cannot agree, then "No" wins.
Wait, men and women aren't allowed to hug as friends? I don't think that's a rule at all! Especially young people these days happily hug their opposite-sex friends, or kiss on the cheeks. And a quick closed-mouth kiss is not "mate only" either...
good points @Aliasis. You also point out some key things here as well 'I am Rosa'. But keep in mind that it may appear a bit instructional. I think that we as humans are above learned behaviors, and that our innate ability to 'feel' can carry us thru
These sound like rules, because they are. This social etiquette used to be taught to young men and women, both at home and school. Sadly, nowadays most people don't hear about them until they're sitting with a marriage or sexual assault counselor.
I believe a lot of people underestimate the effects of hug, careful. Chest, groin, arm rubbing can wake a desire that will lead to trouble. Just stay on the safe side, drifting, misinterpretation, etc… can lead to jealousy, wrong desire, cheating.
I am a court qualified sexual assault expert and victim's advocate. I've never seen your rules anywhere, nor would I equate this question with assault or violence. I'm completely baffled by your answer. I think these are your rules, not everyone's.
I and my boy best friend hug but that were just a friendly love hug, no other meaning. That's just a sign of comfort.
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This is a loaded question. If you want to make an enemy for life, reject a hug from a woman who is about to hug you. She will never forgive or forget the embarrassment you just caused her in front of her friends and other people, ie; a woman scorned.
I LOVE your answers, each and every one! I agree, the situation, the persons involved, and the type of hug are all crucial components to the equation. I observed an event that brought on my curiosity. I too feel that a man should NEVER hug a woman that is not his wife (except grandma maybe) in a frontal position and NEVER a kiss. My husband of 12 years may hug my mother and daughter (not his child) and even add a forehead kiss, but it is still a quick squeeze and go. I just got to thinking that maybe I was a bit old-fashioned, but your responses reinforce my beliefs that respect and commitment dictate the appropriateness, or lack thereof, of hugs between the sexes! Thank you all for your responses!
On a side note: I made sure my own husband knew I would rip HIS head off if he EVER kissed another woman an the neck or even the cheek....unless she is over 90...and then.....maybe still yet!! Wink!
In addition, I would like to reply to another comment within this overall thread. No. I do not cheat, have not ever and will not cheat. I personally do not condone sex outside of marriage and intimate touches belong at home with your spouse.
Just loved the condition of being 90+ to be KISS'able..lols
A brief hug with no personal body parts touching followed by a little pat on the back or a handshake should be about it. People who do more than that are people who want to create issues or build their on egos at somebody else's expense.
Pardon the pun, but this is a "touchy" subject LOL!!
My rule is generally to avoid touching a woman whom is not a member of my family. A handshake is appropriate. Hugging is treading dangerous waters especially with human sexuality and false claims of abuse anywhere downrange.
I dunno...as a gentleman, I do not hug any woman that is not my wife, mother, grandmother, sister, or daughter (if I had one).
this is a funny and tough question to answer. I don't ever recall a situation where there is more than meets the eye in a casual hug.In France, like everyone probably is aware, kissing both cheeks is a fairly common practice. That's what make the people uniquely French.This hugging will be considered inappropriate in a lot of countries.So when do you draw the line? If a couple is hugging more explicitly in a public arena, then I would suggest , they should go somewhere more private and do their business instead of offending other people's morals in the public eye.
I do not think a hug is fine if a man is married especially if the woman is gorgeous and coming on to him! It should never occur to a man or woman to kiss someone they are not married to on the mouth. I am thinking at a party or something like that, and it certainly should not happen when the mate is not present. It never occurs to me to hug a man other than mine. This is not being jealous it is out of love and commitment for the one you choose to spend your life with.
It is always over the line when more than a hug, or a HUG EVEN! Why do we know that divorces are happening each day every year, when people think anything is ok, with all kinds of sexual connotations they are going to try and get away with it, get away with it, and lose that one that is there for them every day, in every circumstance and thru all the hard times and good times that come in life. I think you did well to ask this question. Hugs or kisses or both to someone other than the mate, I insist are off limits totally and should not even be entertained by the beloved. Love and commitment are to be taken seriously by man and woman. No other person should or will be involved in a marriage when the before mentioned are at the center of the marriage.
I do agree that our social acceptance of any contact has played a significant part in the destruction of the respect of relationships. If you touch, kiss, hug ANYONE, then what makes your beloved special? Thanks for answering.
Do you really need to hug a woman who's not your spouse/ mom/ sister/ relative?
If you need to, you should be aware of your limits.
1. You should not hug the lady intimately.
2. Yes, you can kiss her cheeks. For heaven's sake, don't even think of kissing her neck/ mouth. That would obviously seem odd.
3. Say "NO" to prolonged hugging.
Well, sometimes you just can't control the situation. Say for example, consolation. But you should control yourself always especially when you have someone else in your life. A hug is simply not a hug when it is prolonged and intimate, from my perspective.
A hug is more than a hug when your spouse hugs someone longer than 2 seconds, especially if that person is a female. Also if your spouse have a history or a bad habit of flirting, most likely his or her lusty feelings will make a hug more than just a hug.
But if the two people that are hugging are in a potential relationship that is going to grow their relationship than the intentions should be alright.
A hug with a kiss on the cheek is fine, anything more than that is questionable.
Interesting about hugs and kisses traditionally in CROATIA hugging and kissing on the cheek is a way of welcoming someone to your home or a friendly moment embraced by individuals. Men and women hug each other but mostly if family friends don't hug the women just a handshake and no kisses. One would cross the line if the kiss and hug felt intense and was not such a brief one
Really does depend, for some people, hugs and a kiss on the cheek are the equivalent of a hearty handshake, I think it depends on the culture and country that you are in, and also on the person doing the hugging.
That being said, out of respect for my spouse, I would not do anything that made her uncomfortable, if she thought nothing of it, neither would I, I have traveled quite a bit and found that different people in different countries, greet each other in different ways.
I knew a girl who was a hugger, she meant nothing by it, and I took it the same way.
None of my partners have ever minded me hugging a women hello or goodbye, and I would not mind if a male friend hugged them,
A hug and kiss on the neck or mouth, I cannot imagine a situation where that would be appropriate.
I recently moved to Croatia, and a lot of people here hug enthusiastically and do the kiss cheek.
After reading all the comment, this is obviously a cultural thing. In my country, we hug and kiss almost everybody. Some of the answers are shocking to me, specially extremist ones like NEVER hug or kiss other person other than your wife/husband. LOL
Thanks for replying! I think it IS often a cultural thing! I wondered about a gauge on the level of intimacy insinuated by the actions. I am a hugger, but very i am very conscious of the intimacy level of what KIND of hug is used on each person.
I believe that many cultures are very promiscuous and don't really meditate or observe where that obsessive desire comes from. Humans are sensitive, have emotions and feelings linked to their bodies. I French, kiss hug, not everyone or every way.
C'moonn! Must be the culture or something cause I have lots of great female friends that I hug and kiss when I see, and it doesn't bother my wife at all. I think there's too much overanalyzing here over things that are supposed to be simple.
The point in question is more the kiss on the neck than a mere hug. Analyzing began with that being more of the focus. This was in fact my point; there are many different conceptions and misconceptions regarding what is appropriate. Good point!
If that was the point, then why not make that the question instead of making it about hugs? A kiss in the neck is obviously something far more intimate and not as casual as a hug or a kiss in the cheek.
To put it very bluntly, a hug is not a hug if it causes "tightening of pants" in the man.
I think this depends on the woman, the man, the relationship in general. I feel like a couple that should be together will know the lines and when they have been crossed.
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Any time the hug is more than shoulders touching shoulders and not the lower part of the body it's okay for a man to hug a woman who's not his wife.
Any kind of interaction is fine as long as nobody gets emotionally hurt.
This requires people to be somehow aware of each others limits, and that is not too much to ask from someone in a relationship!
But the point is that the limits are individual - no general rule can be made
I couldn't say for sure as far as other peoples standards or per societies rules. I would personally say if either party harbored ...um special feelings, any sorta...well heck even a look could be somewhat over the line?kinda sorta at the same time the whole thing could be nothing and then there is the 'its all good' way id need more variables i apologize if I just confused things 8-) k sorry and happy hubbing oh ps good luck 2 whom ever
Depends on the two people involved in the hug. I am married yet have managed to fall inlove with another, we have not acted on this, but our hugs and kisses are a meshing of two into one, we may not have been intimate physically but when we hug the chemistry is so strong. We kiss on the cheek or on the mouth, and even then for us we feel these strong emotions. So in answer to your question if the two people involved are in pre-existing relationships such as marriage and they have feelings for another and do hug and kiss them then yes there are strong feelings and passion involved it is wrong but love has no boundaries especially when chemistry exists between the two people.
I think the intimacy of touch is so powerful and so dangerous to a relationship when given to someone outside of that relationship. Good luck with yours!
My family has the 2 second rule. After a "2 Mississippi" count, you better disengage. Then again, were a bunch of crazies hahaha.
Culture, past history with that person, level of friendship, etc all are huge contributors as well. My Italian side kiss each other over and over before disengaging. It all depends.
Also, some people are sensitive to being touched/hugged by a stranger or mild acquaintance.
First of all, let me start out by saying that my husband has always been really "weird" in this department; he has always been concerned about being "perceived" as doing something wrong so he's not a big hugger; however, I have no problem with the hugs. Going overboard, however, would be a lingering hug that just "seems" wrong. That would include a hug that includes a hand that is further down toward the butt than what is definitely considered "normal", or a kiss on the cheek that keeps those lips on that cheek juuuuust a little too uncomfortably long ....or if the hand or finger "grazes" the butt or any other nearby parts...I hope that you got good answers, this is a great question and necessary to think about. Three years ago I found out that two years earlier my husband had an affair with my best friend; and get this: my best friend also just so happened to be my brother's wife...so the affair destroyed my family: my brother hasn't spoken to me or allowed ME to see my two nephews in over 3 years and our holidays are no longer together. It also destroyed my marriage and caused me to begin drinking heavily...and a car accident the night I found out nearly killed me...I can tell you that you never can imagine the depth of the pain involved in a betrayal of this magnitude until it happens to you, and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's the most painful thing I have ever gone through.
I am SO sorry you have experienced all of that. I believe we have slacked on the training of what IS acceptable. We have more divorce and immorality than ever before. A hug is fine. Kissing IS intimate. Respect in relationships WILL preserve them.
WOW! thank goodness that you're alive and well now. Too bad a man's selfishness destroyed so much. Men only think in the moment and us women take all the hits. A hug more and a couple of second is wrong ... especially if you aren't hugged him!
Very sorry to hear about what you've been through. Hopefully things have gotten better since.
I think, however, that I can relate to your husband's being uncomfortable with this social situation. It is weird to begin with!
It all depends on situation. It can means something or otherwise just a gesture of friendliness. So, before jumping into conclusion, we need to know the situation such as whether or not they know each other for a long time, is it a common practice that they were doing it since young, etc.
when the person feel it. don't matter how feel it for one may and the other don't. it the reaction after the person feel it and the responds that matter,
When you do anything more than just a hug. A kiss on the cheek is still more, but again, its just a kiss on the cheek so if that's something that is fine with the wife than there is no problem as it isn't a sexual gesture.
A kiss on the neck or the lips is more sexual leaning so in MY opinion, that would be a no-go right there.
I agree..anything beyond a hug between a married man and another woman is inappropriate and a brief hug at that. I think it's an issue of respect and shows the value one places on the relationship with their spouse. Thanks for responding!
When there is a little bit tooo much bracing on each other.That is what i believe.Its a sad thing that our other half can do these in front of our face and thinks it will go unnoticeable .
Trust your gut...whatever is troubling you...you already know the answer.
Hugging someone means, it is owing to some mutual understanding between the two people and there is nothing sexual about it , if a man is hugging a woman, who is not his wife. When we hug someone, it represents that we are greeting him/her like we use to handshake, or kiss on the cheek in other cases. In my view, there is no point of assuming that it is inappropriate, but the only thing is that the wife should have trust on her husband.
The new odd fad of hugging everyone is actually an excuse to have a feel. Unless we are giving a hug to our own children or spouse/relatives we are fooling ourselves into thinking its OK to hug a stranger.
Hard to answer. In India if a man hugs a woman who is not his wife, mother or sister, then it will be a great issue. The thing is the Indian culture is different from that of the western. I think it depends upon the culture.
The western culture however, has gotten so "loose" that some feel no need for respectul boundaries. Thanks for commenting!
Ya I agree, Indian culture is something different than a Western culture. If someone do then it will create a big issue.
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I think real "kisses" in such situations are outdated.
I can't remember ever actually kissing a woman in such social situations, and instead, it is more of a "I am placing my cheek in close proximity to yours and making a kiss sound while perhaps joining in an awkward semi-hug for a split second.
But to actual put lips to skin? The face, I suppose, is the normal and intended target for that traditional male-to-female (and vice-versa) greeting, so I guess we have to consider that "normal" or at least still socially acceptable.
But I think a kiss on the neck (as in, from my perspective, another man literally touching his lips to my wife's neck) is going way too far. I thought it was the cheek and not the neck? Am I that out of touch? (Probably!)
I think if one is worried about a hug or a kiss on the cheek then they don't trust their partner which is the real issue. Especially if this hugging or kissing is done in plain view of the spouse.
I have a friend who best friend is the opposite sex they hug and occasionally kiss on the cheek but they are both happily married and no intention to cheat so it really comes down to how secure you are in your relationship.
I agree. The security of the marriage makes a difference. The kiss in question is on the neck. A simple, quick hug and a peck on the forehead of cheek could be okay given the closeness of the "friendship". A relative stranger..different story.
For him... even the hug is always too far. For her... I don't have a clue, but the one "too far" is enough. It isn't the act that matters, it's the mind and the thoughts behind it.
Well it depends on several factors.Like
1 The type of touching the body.
2 Place of hug.
3 Body language during hug.
4 Relationship of those both persons.
I think it fully depends on a person. Some think that hug is okay, other don't like it. In some countires it's normal to hug each other and kiss.
As for me I don't think that hug is wrong or bad, but I don't like when people kiss each other on the chick or on the mouth. I think it's little bit immoral
When his wife starts worrying that the hug was more than just a hug.
A married man should only hug women who are relatives.
One reason is so he does not hurt his wife, the other reason is to prevent any temptation. This goes for women too. If we do not allow temptation we won't be tempted. No one can tempt us but ourselves. But many let themselves be tempted
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A friendly hug, in my experience, has consisted of collar bones, or shoulders touching, hands above the lower back and brief duration. The parties would try to keep their lower halves apart from one another.
Additionally, in my experience, the position of the face, during the hug, is also important. If the face is pointed inward (toward the neck) it is more than a hug. If the face is straight (over the shoulder) or facing away from the neck, it is most likely a friendly gesture.
The most telling sign would be position of lower body. If firmly pressed together, there's probably some tension going on there. Duration of the hug also factors in. A friendly hug between a man and a woman won't last very long. A hug that is trying to convey feelings other than friendship will last a lot longer.
That's a difficult question. The meaning of the hug is in the eyes of the beholder, but I'd say as long as their isn't inappropriate touching or whispered intimacies then a hug isn't crossing the line. A kiss on the cheek? ah, OK, but I'd say a kiss on the mouth or neck crosses a line. It's very dependent on culture though. In some cultures these things are acceptable between friends.
A hug becomes more than "just a hug" if one of the parties become uncomfortable for any reason. When a man hugs another women in front of his wife a lot of things have to be considered. What part of the world are you from, for instance in France people are very affectionate and it is normal for a man to hug and kiss his friends wife, his wife's girlfriends, or a woman he knows in front of his wife with no implications. But in America not so much. There are so many situations that would have to be considered. Does the wife know the women? If not, were they introduced prior to hug? Does the wife have problems with emotions such a jealousy? Is the hug taking place in public - public displays of affection differ depending on culture - however, an adult should be able to recognize if the hug contains sexual intent rather you are watching the hug, giving the hug, or receiving the hug. If the wife or husband feel uncomfortable about the situation they should talk about their feelings in a private setting and try to explain each others views and understand them even if they differ. Love is what makes the World go round and hugs are a very lovely thing for humans.
You answered your question yourself to some extent. It depends on the person. A hug is not a hug when it involves kissing. Kissing is in a different category I think.
Some would argue, O, well, Aunt Madge kisses me when we hug, well, that too is different. It is unlikely that Aunt Madge gives you a big sloppy kiss on the lips!! At least I would hope she doesn't .
Hugging is an embrace that lets someone know they are important. If of course the hug is out of control and involves full body contact then perhaps it is more than a HUG in the friendly, loving sense of the world. Perhaps then it is too much.
If the wife is uncomfortable then it has gone too far. She needs to talk to her husband privately afterward and tell him how what he did made her feel. He should respect her feelings far more than his own desire to show affection to a friend. If he doesn't, the marriage has bigger problems than jealousy and hugging.
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