What do you do with your teenager in love?

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   MissJamieDposted 11 years ago

   What would you do If your 15 yr old daughter was madly in love with her 15 yr old boyfriend and didn't want to do anything besides spend time with him for months? She's a good student and has great career goals, she doesn't go to parties, in fact her and her boyfriend stay home and hang out at home rather than partying with all the other kids their age.....I understand teenage love, some girls get obsessed wtih love, she's happy and he's happy together...but if you try to make them spend time apart they get rebellious, when previously they were always home where you knew they were safe...????
   
   
   What would you do? How would you handle this? But put yourself in the mother's shoes, don't just judge and point fingers from the outside...really picture this being your child and you know how good they are at making you feel bad for them and if you know they're a good kid/student in every other way...????

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      WuldUStilRemebrMeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Do nothing. You said it above; she's happy, her grades are good, she's considering her future, etc. I doubt I'd try to pull them apart because it could cause problems. I don't have any more to add, except, good luck!

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         MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you so much, I appreciate your reply. And I couldn't agree more. It's tough, as a parent, to see your child grow into a young adult...but obviously necessary and you can't shelter or hinder them or they rebel:(

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      NotPCposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      At that age they are probably more just best friends to each other. They found someone they are compatible with and they are positive influences on each other. I laughed when I read what you wrote about 15 year old kids "partying." The real partying doesn't begin until they go off to college and ditch their obsessive parents that worried when they spent too much time staying at home with a best friend who is a positive influence on their lives. I look forward to the post when your daughter leaves home and starts experimenting with drugs and her sexuality.
      
      What I'm trying to say is, if they aren't doing anything wrong, stop worrying and let them be. You need to save your worrying brain cells for a later time.

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         MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         I'm not worried, just wanted opinions. And most of the kids their age are partying these days, drinking, smoking pot, taking pills. So maybe it'll get worse later but they'll be on their own then. I need to do my mothering now;)
         
         Thanks for your advice;)

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   alphagirlposted 11 years ago

   Wow, I have a daughter that turns 15. I wouldn't leave them alone. I'd tell her about the consequences if she has sex and gets pregnant. No entertaining in bedroom. Movies in the family room. At some point they might sneak to be alone, but the odds are less if you are always around. Good luck.
   Young love....first love is a powerful feeling.

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   elle64posted 11 years ago

   It sounds like you are doing the right thing, and since she is doing well in school -I think there is not much to worry about. Talk to her about  sex though, about protecting herself. I know ,we as parents pretend that young adults dont do it. But it is better to be safe than sorry.
   I am so happy my oldest is only 11 !!!
   Good luck- I think you are doing well.

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   Dan Barfieldposted 11 years ago

   It depends on how mature your daughter is psychologically. Personally - I would say leave them be. Young love is a thing to be celebrated. Of course... it is contextual. If her fella treats her like muck and has no manners then exert all the control you wish to show her the error of her choice (not that she'll listen if she's like any other teenager in the world). If he is kind, considerate, and most importantly in my book, can make her laugh... then their love should be allowed to grow without forcing them to hide it from you. Parents who exert too much control often don't realise that all they are doing is driving their kids to do their experimenting in secret. I speak from experience as I was one of those teenagers once. My parents would be horrified at what I used to get up to quite often out of a sense of rebellion against unecessarily strict controls. I would not have engaged of many of the risky behaviors I did engage in had I been more free to express myself openly.

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   KCMamaposted 11 years ago

   Oh Wuv, young wuv....   And Of course you are a bit hyper aware of what is going on with your daughter; and good for you.  So many parents don't have time to tap into what their teens are doing or they are afraid of what they might find out. I say Watch On Mama!  Be happy for them without turning your back on your family morals and values. Stay in tune with how they respond to one another and with their families as well. Don't set them up for failure by being suspicious of their every move.  Talking with your daughter openly about your concerns and be honest with her about your feelings regarding her growing up and becoming a young adult.  Next: Welcome him into the family!! This is the surest way of keeping him honorable and honest. As he feels loved by you he will want to please you. If he resists this opportunity, keep a more careful eye on them. He might not be the man he appears. (your story does not sound like this is the case.)  Having a 16 yr old daughter myself, I understand where you are coming from yet be aware that the hormones are running a muck causing him to think with his pants (he can't help it) and her to think with a forever heart (she can't help that either). Help her keep things in perspective without disrespecting their experience. And if the dreaded break up comes along, be ready with tissues, open ears, thoughtful mind, and comforting arms.  The first love break up can be a big ouch. (as you know, it could be the first of many)  In the meantime - enjoy the sweetness that this brings to your world. After all it is so very sweet. <3

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   Healthy Pursuitsposted 11 years ago

   If the boy is a good kid and treats her well, I'd say let them have their time. However, I'd also make sure she knows where she stands with sex, and I'd tell her that I wouldn't want her to have sex so young, but if she is determined, she can go to your family doctor for contraception. I know that sounds terribly permissive, but as someone who was a teen mother many years ago, I can tell you I would have given anything if I'd had a mother who would have protected me in that way. 
   
   Your only other choice to keep her completely safe is to lock her in the master suite and feed her through a little slit in the door until she's ready to go to college. Rumor has it that they don't like that.

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      Pixienotposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think you are in a good position. They want to stay home. You know they are good and you trust them. It takes trust to be trustworthy. I find kids always live up to your expectations. Well, almost always. So expect the best and reap the rewards - a good healthy relationship with your daughter. Losing that is like dying.  I wish you well.

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         a Kennedy Tareotuposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Teenage love isn't a crime, just let them understand that sex is not one of the chapters they should unfold at their tender age. without sex they are good to go

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            MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I totally agree and my daughter and I talk about everything (well all teens have some secrets) and she has not had sex! We talk about it often and openly so I do believe her. Her bf is like my son, I talk to him about it as well. I know it'll happen eventually but she's smart about it. Thanks for your response;)

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         MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you so much;) my daughter actually hated my guts most of her life cuz her psycho father brainwashed her but now since I left him he made her his emotional punching bag. She begged to come live with me and at least once a week she'll make a fb post about me or write me a letter telling me how much she loves me, she's sorry for listening to her dads lies, and we are best friends;) it's heaven and I want to preserve this forever, definitely!!

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   taburkettposted 11 years ago

   My suggestion is that you speak openly with your daughter.
   During discussions, you need to determine if you can handle the fact that she has already reached adult maturity.
   This includes her ability to abstain from sex until they are ready for marriage.
   From personal experience, I can tell you what happens if you intercede incorrectly.
   At the age of 14, my girlfriend and I had already discussed our deep feelings about each other.
   We became best friends as we fell in love over the next 2 years.
   At the age of 16, my girlfriends parents made her change schools because they thought we would do something wrong.
   They forbid her to see me.
   At the age of 18, I was drafted and sent to Vietnam.  I then asked my best friend to marry me, but her parents convinced her that I would probably be killed in action.
   By the time I returned home, she had married another man.  As it turned out, he was abusive and hateful.  He really hurt her in many ways.
   Naturally the marriage did not last.
   At the age of 38, I  was at a birthday party for another mutual friend and my best friend showed up there.
   I kept my distance at the party because I knew that my best friends husband had been violent with her and did not want to create a problem.
   As I gathered my jacket to leave and said goodbye to the birthday boy, my best friend came to me and asked why I had been so distant all evening.
   I explained that I did not want to cause any problem with her husband.
   She quickly told me that they had divorced.
   My best friend and I then spent all night at a local truckstop talking and talking, and talking.
   Six months later, we were married.
   We have now been together for over 28 years.
   And, we have been 16 again ever since.

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      Pixienotposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Dear Taburkett,
      What an awesome and sad story.  It amazes me the credit parents do NOT give their children. I will repeat... if you expect the best you will usually reap the best. Expect the worse and , well you will probably reap that as well. This is especially true of children, but also true of anyone.
      
      I say, don't be angry, upset or judgmental until it is proven time to be. Even then, don't judge. Unless you are in that person's shoes and walking the walk they walk every day.
      
      God made us better than that.
      
      You are a fine parent MissJamieD. keep up the good work! Let the busybodies be.

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         MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry pixienot, I replied to what you wrote, thinking it was Taburkett's response. Please read the reply addressed to Taburkett, that's for you:) Thanks doll.

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      Pixienotposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Dear Taburkett,
      What an awesome and sad story.  It amazes me the credit parents do NOT give their children. I will repeat... if you expect the best you will usually reap the best. Expect the worse and , well you will probably reap that as well. This is especially true of children, but also true of anyone.
      
      I say, don't be angry, upset or judgmental until it is proven time to be. Even then, don't judge. Unless you are in that person's shoes and walking the walk they walk every day.
      
      God made us better than that.
      
      You are a fine parent MissJamieD. keep up the good work! Let the busybodies be.

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         MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Taburkett, thank you so much:) I believe that I am a good parent but like most parents, we sometimes wonder if our decisions are the right ones. I appreciate your response. Again, thank you:) Have a great day!

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That is such an adorable story:) Thanks for sharing. Congratulations, by the way.

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry I was replying to the wrong posts:( I love your story it's adorable. Thanks for sharing.

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