Why do teenagers shut themselves away in their rooms?
We've all been there, but why do we shut ourselves away as teenagers and don't communicate as well with our parents during this time?
Teenagers who shut themselves in their rooms are asking for their space or have secrets which their family members shouldn't know about, especially their parents, also it could be a sign of depression, or bullying at school.
Because they think that no one understands, and want time to think.
They also may fear persecution for something they have done, or simply may not feel comfortable opening up to those around them.
Or they just prefer time on their own to do their own thing... Parents aren't that cool, anyway :p
For me, it was because I had nothing else to do. Homeschooled, my only friends were at church, and I sure didn't want to see my family since I saw and heard them at all times of the day. Going outside wasn't an option. An officer could pick me up and take me to a school that I didn't belong to. So shutting myself away was the best way to be alone. Reading books, writing stories, watching movies, doing homework.
Though after walking around as a student of a huge school, I can understand wanting some alone time when you get home. It's miserable feeling like cattle when at school.
For the same reason as everyone else who locks themselves in their room - to get some space, time alone without someone looking over your shoulder all the time. I know that when I lived through the week at my university city, I didn't have problems with my parents standing behind me all the time when I came home for the weekend - but once I came to live back at home full-time again, it's driving me nuts that my parents wander in my room all the time, and I'm no teenager. I seriously miss the privacy I had - there are things that I do not feel comfortable doing when my parents are breathing on my neck, like writing stories or such.
Separating from your parents is part of the process of growing up and having autonomy as an adult person.
I agree but it didn't stop me from stopping by and "visiting" often. I always would ask "How was your day?" and good conversation usually followed. I believe they want and need us, so we should always be available and make it known.
Two main reasons:
1) Parents let them.
2) Parents model this behavior for them.
When my sons were younger, I often shut myself away from them. Call it an escape to the Dad Cave. The result? Miscommunication and lack of communication. They didn't know me, and I didn't know them as well as I could. I was not only part of the problem--I may have caused the problem in the first place. My boys were trying to be "just like Dad."
I grew up in a family with a "closed door" policy: "There's a reason that door is closed, son. Respect it. We all need our privacy." I transferred this policy to my family without thinking.
Now I'm thinking.
We leave the doors open a crack (except for the bathrooms, of course) in our house. I haven't gotten as extreme as some parents who have removed their kids' doors, and I don't think I'll have to. The door is almost shut, and they get some privacy. There's a crack (a window of opportunity) for communication.
When parents provide locks for their children's doors or tell others, "He needs his space" or "She needs her privacy," I want to scream: "Your child needs your love! Your child needs your guidance! Your child needs your advice! How can he or she get love, guidance, or advice from you if you're on the other side of a closed door?"
I don't always blame myself for what my sons do, but in this case, I have to take most of the blame. My kids were shutting themselves away from me because I taught them how and then let them. Not anymore. We don't always see eye to eye, but we do see and speak to each other, even if it's only through a crack in the door.
When I was a kid I had projects (like drawing, photography, reading) that I really enjoyed doing in my free time; and when I wasn't busy with something like I might have been looking up stuff like what make-up color looked best on my coloring, what the latest fashions were, etc. etc. Then, of course, my girlfriend and other friends, sometimes boyfriend, and I would "need" to have all kinds of long phone conversations to discuss the minor and major matters of life, as well as the meaning of life itself. Free time alone at home felt limited and "at a premium". There was school, a part-time job, out-side-the-house socializing, babysitting, and at least a little TV-watching here or there. Throw in family time (which included a lot of meals), holidays, and any one-on-one time with one parent or sibling; and rule out all school-day mornings, school time, and chance to be out of the house during the day; and it should seem easy enough to understand why a kid would want to use those few after-dinner/before-bedtime hours of free time just to do activities and/or think.
Also, though (and even though I never had a real problems communicating with, or having long conversations with, my parents); teens do have that thing that they can feel most understood, and respected as an individual, by kids their own age. Friends (on the phone or online, behind bedroom doors) have shared interests - plans for college, shared social life outside school, worries about hair-dos and any "beauty flaws" (etc.). Whether thinking, talking to friends, or reading... It was all kind of processing who/what I wanted to be once I crossed that border from being a kid to taking my show on the road as an adult.
All that aside, a lot of parents have a way of lecturing too much, rather than listening; dismissing kids' concerns as "silly" too much, rather than taking them seriously; worrying too much (whether they have to or don't really have to); and not knowing when its time to respect kids' boundaries. As a result, some teens have to cut off some parents more than other kids do. (Of course, the other side to them are parents who are content to let their kids stay isolated for years, only to one day discover the kid is a big anti-social mental-case at twenty.)
I find it interesting that we all ask this as adults, yet MOST if not ALL of us did exactly the same thing as teenagers. Do we not remember why? And, why do we expect our children to be different?
I believe (and from what I recall for myself) is a mixture of many things. As a teenager you are becoming the person YOU want to be, or are at least trying to. Seperating from your parents helps for you to be 'different' to them - and, let's face it as a teenager who wanted to be LIKE their parents??? (funny how we end up there as adults anyway!).
Thngs are confusing as a teenager - your hormones are acting up, you feel things you don't quite understand just yet (but KNOW it's too embarassing to talk to your parents about), and you just want some time to get used to it, and yourself.
I often shut myself away because my parents didn't like my music choices (for one!), and I quite like time to myself - It let me do the thinking I needed to do to sort things out for me. And I'm from a family that was open about most things - you just had to ask/tell and it would be discussed etc. But at the time, I needed to know where I stood on things that were going on for me - to be able to defend them should I need to, when I brought them up, or just to be able to figure me out.
Sure, there are things that parents should know - so it's not shut in your room and no-one knows what goes on - keep a healthy relationship about it. There were things I don't think my parents know now that I went through, because I shut myself away....funnily enough, It wasn't figuring out I was gay...that was much easier...and not a shut in my room moment!.
I think it's natural process for growing up, and away from our parents - BUT from personal experience - we need to keep an eye on things as well.
good question. My teen daughter is doing that now. She says that her bro is noisy and yes, he is indeed noisy. She wants peace and quiet to concentrate on her homework and doesn't like anyone lurking over her shoulder when she uses the laptop. Lack of privacy. When i was a teen, i don't shut myself in the room. My mom doesn't allow that.
They do it for a lot of reasons. Preteen and older teens. If there are younger siblings in the household, they may want to have peace and quiet and a little privacy and some time to their selves. When I was a Teen, there was a lot of chaios between the siblings, and I got tired of referring my younger brothers. I would lock myself in my room to rest and to have quality time to do homework to keep up my grades!
It has been many years since I was a teenager but I do remember going to my room and closing the door. It was a spacious, not huge, room where my little things were. I would rearrange, read, listen to music while daydreaming , write in my diary, lie on my bed and watch the boats passing by.
There was usually no great mystery to it. It was my place of solace...where I could just enjoy a few moments with me.
To a teen their room is like a personal comfort zone where they are completely in control.a place where they can be free and escape from the troubles around them.A parent should let them be allowing the teen to cool down.They can later discuss or solve the argument when the parent feels its best.
I myself is a teenager too , so I hope by my answer here you as a parent will understand the reason why . Well first of all I'm just a normal teen (female) . Well tbh I'm not really in a good connection with my mom too . The reason I felt that way is that I'm not her favorite children I guess? My older brother is her favorite children and I'm 100% sure . Sometimes I felt as if I'm not her biological daughter and her behavior towards me is really disappointing . Okay now back to your problem . Teenagers usually is tired with their school stuff and would REALLY LOVE THEIR OWN SPACE . After doing all those works they would like to have some privacy for themselves which I hope PARENTS will really understand , hopefully one day . Teenagers are also on their puberty period which sometimes u may see their actually on their rebel period . And A LOT OF TIMES parents just don't get it . parents tend to make their children's uncomfortable . Parents usually ask a lot of question thats not really nice to hear . parents also tend to stress them out instead of calming them out . thats why as a teenagers usually I love to keep myself always from my parents and to stay at the room too.
im a 15 year old male and i just wanna be alone and listen to my music. it calms me. lol my friends and my girlfriend say that there has NEVER been a time that they have seen me with out my headphones or earbuds on. it just feels nice to get away.
Because when we were" tween-agers" and teen-agers, we felt our parent(s) would never understand us or the things that we liked and wanted to talk about or do. As a teenager I isolated myself away from grown-ups because we were taught not to be around grown or older people. Young people now have the social media, some of which is very unsavory to say the least, so they hide themselves away from their parents pretty much for the same reasons I and my siblings did back in the day.
I think,they like a separation and want to think.some times they are in doubts,confusion.may be hormone act a part in it.it is a natural part of growth.
B/c they want to shift perception from a child role to an adult role. They have now realized the world isn't a bubble and are frantically trying to understand how to fit in (#survive) in it's ever changing social environment.
Also, they are growing. Hormonal fluxes make them crazy and sleepy all at once. It's horrifying.
I used to do this, as a teenager. I'm sure there are various different reasons, but for myself, I mostly did it because I wanted to be alone.
I wanted some peace and quiet away from everyone (having 3 younger sisters), and after what felt like a long, hellish day at school. I wanted to work on writing, and listen to music. I wanted time to figure myself out; who I was/am.
I also didn't want to talk to my parents because I didn't get along with them. And I wanted to live how I wanted to live... I didn't want to be what they wanted me to be (a nurse). I just was enjoying time, alone, thinking in those areas. And I loved it.
We all need privacy, and especially those who are at the age of developing relationships outside of their family. We become those who influence, rather than direct, as our children mature.
They are differentiating themselves, evaluating their origins, adopting some values and discarding others. Becoming. They've heard from their parents and are now listening to other voices as well. It isn't conscious, of course, but it's easier to achieve without distractions.
And some kids are more introspective or introverted than others, but they don't want to include family in everything they do anymore. They want to be with friends and not have us know all that entails.
I am a teenager. I think, I know it better. We need some privacy. But our parents don't give this always. They will be busy for the whole day, and when we will be in some important work. They will come to us to show their "affection". Only privacy we can get in our room. So we don't want to leave it. Parents don't try to understand their child's problems as they are always BUSY. Parents must ask freely to their child what they want. It is also a change in puberty. So, they must not be rude to their child at this time. Good behavior is always preferred by children. Please be friendly with your child and pay attention to them. Also think about their maturity. So, you can make them feel better. We are some step ahead than your generation. So, don't judge us as your parents judged you. Thank you
When I was a teen I remember just wanting to be alone with no specific reason. My parents weren't the most talkative people so I just wanted to be in my room listening to music. It was nothing personal towards my parents or siblings.
That is how i feel right now but my parents ask to many questions and i get sick of it. like i will be just sitting there on the couch and my mom will ask me like 10 questions is like 3 seconds then i yell and storm off to my room and she gets mad
My dad remarried a woman who lost her 4 kids. I went and lived with them for about 4 years (visited weekends since I was about 9). After all the chores, if I went to my room to write poetry or something creative, my stepmother would tell people, "She's gone to bed." So much for encouraging creativity. I am a much better grandparent than I was as a parent. I am willing to listen to children. They give me hugs, even if they hardly know me. They are little grownups -- and someday, they will remember whether or not you were kind or not. I like kids.
They are going through hormonal changes and are trying to figure out who they are. They just want some privacy during this delicate time. It doesn't necessarily mean they are doing anything bad. They just want their own space to think for themselves.
As a teenager, my parents really did "freak out" on me, and my siblings. Suddenly they had all the visual, audio, smellogenic, and other cues that a STRANGER was in the house, an ADULT stranger. They had signed up to have roly poly children, not PEOPLE. Somehow they managed to put 2 and 2 together just enough to realize that these strangers were their former roly poly children, or they may have just thrown us onto the street. They suddenly had the urge to shout strange advice at us. And threats. For things we hadn't done. Yet. But once someone has accused you of something like "shooting up heroine" when you're 11 in God's Country, USA, You're at least going to smoke pot, which to your parents, is the same thing. You must be open to young children, and answer questions when they are asked. (yes, even when a three year old asks you where babies come from, avoid saying "the stork" but also don't get gross and too graphic. Just tell it like is from the beginning, don't punish for "inappropriate questions and statements" and your child will still probably want more time alone, but will not be a stranger to you, and will smile and talk when he or she comes out of her room.
Blaming harmones, sometimes they make us all act in a way we later think back and ask why we did that?
They want to get away from all the that's going around. They want to be in their own world and don't want to deal with bullshit ( according to them ).
One reason is that we want to do things behind the closed door that we don't want our parents to know about. Things we don't think they would or even could know about - like they never talk about such things - bet they would be too embarrassed - and that makes us embarrassed too.
I would shut myself in my room because it was my place of peace. I wasn't a graceful social butterfly. I lived with an alcoholic father and mean grandmother. She never cared for me.
As I'm sure we can all remember, the teen years are a very difficult time for the individual. There are so many weird bodily changes and feelings of dislike towards many things including yourself.
I believe that teenagers are only starting to develop a real sense of privacy in this phase of life. Yes, parents try to teach their children about privacy from a young age, but they may not understand this factor until they become more aware of their own bodies.
Like easyspirituality said, its difficult for teenagers to talk openly about their feelings, because most of the time they don't even understand their own feelings. Most adults even struggle with their feelings.
Even as adults, we feel that we can't discuss EVERYTHING with our parents and sometimes we need an outside opinion on the matter. Now if we as adults can't talk to our parents about everything, why do we expect our teenage children to do so? We all know teenagers always know better anyway.
The best way forward for parents of a teenager is to set strict family time rules. Be it that your family time means no tv, no cell phones or simply sitting in the same room together. My parents had a nice long chat with me before dinner, and after dinner we'd watch an episode of a program we both enjoyed. After this they'd release me to be on my own.
Being 26, I'm completely aware and remember what it was like to be a teenager, because it feels like yesterday to me.
I think it is totally normal at times if you feel you need to be away from the world for awhile and just be in your room alone. Sometimes you need that alone time especially when you're a teen in your developing stages. I believe if you are a parent in a situation where your son or daughter slams the door and stays in their room, I believe you should just let them be and let them figure things out alone because the world is a tough place....no matter how hard we try we are going to hit rough patches in our life and there are definitely days where we all want to slam the door and stay in our rooms! So to get back to the question, I believe teenagers do it because they want to just be alone and not have to deal with the day to day Interactions or social connections. They just want to be alone and away from the world because when you're growing up you get taught that the world is such a magical place and you'll find your happy ever after but when you're growing as a teen there are days when you realize the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows, we will have bad days and when we finally learn that, let's face it, it's pretty hard. I believe teenagers have every right to slam the door once in awhile and be themselves.
Not every child is an extrovert, and some children work best in quiet environments. Growing up, I lived in a house with a loud mother and a very loud older sister. Shutting the door and playing some mellow music was the only way to drown out the constant shrieking. Other children are very studious and like to organize their setting a certain way. Closing a door is also a more polite way of letting people know you do not want to be disturbed. That being said, many children communicate very well with their parents. The tone is set by the parents. One also needs to understand that children learn from their parents that certain actions signify adulthood. So for instance, when you are young your parents don't even think twice of just walking in your room, going through your bookbag, etc. However, they set rules that you never go into mother's purse. If mother is on the phone you wait until she is off to talk to her. If daddy has the door closed to his office he is busy. Well, as children get older they want to be treated more like an adult. If they can't interrupt you on the phone or demand to know who you are talking to; they want the same rights. If you can close the door to your room, and others must wait, they want that same right. It is pretty much a right of passage.
The interests, liking and disliking are different for parents and children.
Example: Children would like to watch a SCI FI Movie, but parents at the same time would go for News Channel.
Actually this happens, when they think everything is got messed up and they don't know what to do, they shut themselves in their rooms to avoid the situation. It also happens when they feel like they are ignored or no one is listening to them.
Hi there !
Growth and development are essential for a normal human being. And teenage is one time where the hormonal interactions go in for a roller coaster ride.. ! It is a difficult time for the children as well as the parents. They have their lessons to learn and we have ours !
As babies , they are always afraid of "separational anxiety" .. but when they grow up to be a teenager, they wish for separation from parents. I think its largely due to the fact that they wish to prove to themselves as well as the rest of the world that they are capable of doing things by themselves. Its their kind of "survival of the fittest" !.
Its psychological. Kids tend to hide themselves even after doing a petty mischievous act. I guess they should be tolerated and parents must take care of their kids until its weird or dangerous.
Well, I think adolescence is about establishing one's personal sense of identity. That means they need a lot of time separated from family to contemplate many of their personal dilemmas about dating, friendship, school, etc. They have a lot of questions, but being "big" compared to little kids, they feel the need to try to figure them out by themselves. Let's face it, it's uncool to go to a parent for help after 14. It's like admitting you failed to come up with the right thing to do on your own. So, they're probably facing something difficult they don't want to talk about because they want to think about it for themselves. Or, they work really hard at school and afterschool activities and when they come home they just don't have the energy left to talk to anyone. School can get to be very demanding in high school, especially if the teenager is planning to go to college. They might just be tired, and withdrawing is a way of conserving their energy and de-stressing. Or, they may also feel sad, angry, or upset with their parent, but prefer silent treatment type stuff to open confrontation, because they fear the consequences of confronting their parents openly about what they're not happy with. But it doesn't always mean they're mad either. Like I said, it's most likely about being tired, not being sure how to relate to the parents/feeling like they're too different to "get it", and wanting to think about their own problems to work out solutions by themselves. Also, they're masturbating!
I'm a teenager. I like my space, I like my privacy, and frankly, sometimes I just can't stand the people around me.
I am also an introvert. I am at my best when I am alone, I am more comfortable that way.
Not all teenagers shut themselves away for the same reasons.
Get to know your teenager.
Growing up I would go into my room because it was quiet and I could focus on important things. I never gained much value from being around my parents. It was small talk and to me that's a waste of time. I didn't like wasting my time.
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Teenagers really shut themselves in rooms, no doubt they close the door and put down the curtain but we forget one thing that they take with them a whole new world of internet and explore the universe. Yeah! But it can't substitute for the time they must spend with family and friends.
There are many reasons why, it never boils down to one main reason.
I'll tell you my reason.
Growing up, I was sheltered, unlike many other teenagers, parents allow them to go places with their friends. I had acquaintances in my school years, until senior year of high school. I moved twice, isolated myself from people. My childhood was absolutely chaotic. We live in a city that is pretty infested with gangs and sex offenders. My mother was in a gang, my uncle was in a gang, and did drugs. My other uncles were as well, except for one.
Growing up having to witness a lot of terrible events is not something any child should have to experience. Due to my mother being in a gang, and having me at 16, I was pretty much neglected by her till I was 14. My grandparents went through hell, and had to raise me as well for their daughter.
With so much violence, neglect, and treating me more as a property and not a person/family member, at such a young age I wanted to run away or attempt suicide.
I grew up to be crippled with severe depression and anxiety. I have trouble socializing without having a panic attack or a mental breakdown. It's exhausting, and being alone in a room doesn't quite help but it definitely makes me feel safe. Although, I didn't want to ever use my disorder/illness as a excuse to get away with things, like finding work and what not. I want to use it as a hurdle to overcome. It's a difficult and long journey, but in order to live a satisfying life, I'd have to take baby steps and get better. Everyone has their own stories, we all have to take different paces. It is okay to take your time, because telling someone or yourself that you have no time left makes it all the more worse.
Everybody needs to grow at their own pace.
Teenagers and young adults suffer a lot as well, and so many parents do not see it. They question their kids a lot. Here is a common conversation that occurs, and have occurred with me with my family.
Teen: Confesses their problems and depression.
Parent questions: "Why do are you depressed? You have a roof over your head, food to eat. Kids are out there starving, what do you need to be depressed about?"
They are not ungrateful, they have feelings and thoughts too. Everyone has a battle to fight, no matter what age. Try to understand and be there for them when they need you most. If they ever took the courage to tell you about depression or suicidal thoughts, seek professional help. Don't shrug it off, ever.
i think its because they are overwhelmed with what is going on around them, a lot of changes including their bodies are happening every day so they are prone to getting confused and misunderstood by the people around them.
Again they tend to feel mature and some sense of pride gets into them so they will shut themselves away in their rooms trying to think over what they are feeling and trying to understand themselves more. they also want their alone time to do their stuff and avoid distractions.
Actually in most of the cases, we cant blame the teenagers for that. As an individual we all need privacy and space. By the growing age when interaction with outsiders begins we started liking it. This is the human nature.
I think many teenagers feel like they are not understood, and want to isolate themselves because the amount of change they are going through. They are discovering who they are as individuals, and need time to develop themselves.
Sometimes teenagers may feel like their parents don't understand them or don't listen to them.
Speaking as a teenagers perspective, we don't necessarily shut everyone out. It just depends on what kind of situation the teen is in. They might just want to spend time by themselves or just trying to figure out what they want to do in life. Don't take it personally. We need our sleep and space. We don't like when we are constantly questioned. We know that you care for us and want to be there as a parent but sometimes its just best to let them figure out certain things on their own
We as teenagers usually do that when our parent tries to give us some rules and we disagreed to them we ague with our parent and to avoid any further agurments we then run to our bedroom and shut ourselves
I don't recall my parents ever been interested enough to have a converation with me. Besides, it wasn't a problem. The library was down the road and I spent my school days reading books.
I'm now in my 60s. I still shut myself in my room reading books, even though I generally share with other people.
It's just an introvert thing.
The reason to this is simply that we teenage is the time when we start facing the world and it's difficulties everyday plus sometimes its because we are afraid to communicate with the world or even our parents because some secrets are the most deadly. Therefore we need some space and it is found only when we live in our own thoughts without any further interactions that we'd be willing to avoid.
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