My fiance' is going through some issues with the mother of his child where he is paying child support but she will not let him see the child unless they are in a relationship and I am out of the picture. She has served him with papers claiming that he threatened her just so that she can get a CPO to justify not letting him see his son. He is so fed up that he wants to sign his rights over. What can he do?
First, he needs to step back and think about his children and not his own feelings. How does he think they would feel knowing that their father gave them up for another woman (and that is exactly how their mother will put it...no matter what the truth may be)?
If he really cares about be a father to his children, then he has to prove it by taking the steps needed to remain a vital part of their lives:
-Document every instance that he has been denied visitation.
-Document any conversations with the ex.
-Document all support payments made.
Get a lawyer familiar with family law to deal with the ex and the court system.
You didn't say if they have a formal custody agreement. If they do and he has been granted visitation he can appeal to the court if she is denying what was awarded in terms of visitation. If they don't have a court order he needs to get to court to formalize custody, support and visitation.
DO NOT confront the ex, things said in anger could and will come back to bite him in the arse in court.
Bottom line: those are his kids, and being a parent is a lifetime job; not one you get to opt out of when things get rough.
In most cases a judge will not terminate a parents rights unless it is in the best intrest of the child. Can you imagine how many people would rush in line just to avoid child support on children they could do without having any relationship with because they're deadbeats to begin with? A termination of parental rights is normaly used for adoption cases where the child has been neglected or abanded from one or both parents.If a parent is proven to be unfit and the state steps in ect.If your boyfriend has visitation rights he should enforce them if it is the best thing for his child.If it is not in the childs best intrest to see him on a regular basis it still does not relieve him from his responsability to support his son or daughter. The State will not pick up his tab just because he can not deal with his ex or because he is fed-up. I believe if you speak with an Atty. you will find this to be true.
If he loves his child he will be prepared to fight false allegations about him, and he'll be prepared to find an attorney who would be willing to help him remain in contact with his child. (If money is a problem he can probably get an attorney who will work without charging him.)
A strong parent with a strong love for his/her child would be willing to do, or put up with, whatever it takes to assert his right to be the child's parent. If he's young and overwhelmed and doesn't feel he has the strength to fight, he needs to do what other tired/overwhelmed parents do; and muster up the strength to keep fighting to be in his child's life. No parent should ever let the legal system wear them down. Aiming to wear people down is what lawyers and "opposing parents" often do. Does he want to let someone else win?
Support does not equal visitation.
This means that the child's mother cannot withold visitation for non-payment of child suport and a father cannot sign over rights just to get out of paying support.
That being said, do you have an actual order of custody? If this is in place then the only way to change it is for either of the parents to go to court and ask for an order to modify the custody arrangement.
If it is informal, then it may be in the his and the child's best interest to formalize the agreement through the court. That way if she refuses - HE will have the law on his side.
I worked child support enforcement for 3 years in my state - and we had a saying when asked if there were general rules on support and visitation. "It all depends on the case"
Here are a few that I learned over time:
1. Document, Document Document - write everything down - times dates, things said that you heard.
2. Decide what your end game is - full custody, partial custody, reduce child support? Each has it's own prerequisites and each case will move hrough the courts differently.
3. You -not the child- or the other parent will be gone over with a fine tooth comb. Live your life like it is always in the public view - it will be.
These are the most complicated cases in our legal system today. It does take a lawyer, in most adversarial cases, to get anywhere. Although the law states that "it is in the best interest of the child" not one judge has ever made a formal ruling as to what a "best interest" is. There's a lot of bias still against men and an ocean of wiggle room in that little phrase.
thanks for the advice. he went to court on Friday and by the grace of god he got visitation starting today. she was very mad because they told her that she can not be around when he is with his son but she wanted all of them to spend time together.
by SparklingJewel 10 years ago
they claim this is a bi-partisan group, or at least current proposed legislation...i am just starting to read this sites stuff...let me know what you think...http://parentalrights.org/index.asp?Typ … 4490912E8}
by Mom Kat 9 years ago
If a couple has joint custody and one parent decides they want to take the other to court for full - what exactly does that parent have to prove as a substantial enough reason for the courts to order the change?Is it up to the person being brought to court to prove they still deserve to have rights...
by Libra 8 years ago
Why are some men bitter about paying child support and should he pay if he is denied visitation?
by milleramanda53 7 years ago
When should the line be drawn for a non-custodial parent who refuses to pay child support? Is there a set amount before something is done?
by Joan Whetzel 7 years ago
How do does one parent deal with false accusations by the other parent during a custody battle?
by gteri 9 years ago
i am a mother who had her son taken away and the controlling father got custody. where's this world coming too? mothers don't get chances anymore?
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