Child Support NonPayments When is it enough?

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  1. milleramanda53 profile image74
    milleramanda53posted 10 years ago

    When should the line be drawn for a non-custodial parent who refuses to pay child support? Is there a set amount before something is done?

    1. galleryofgrace profile image72
      galleryofgraceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Itn most states it's all up to you. You have to go tell the courts or child support people you need the money. If the spouse is not working they have remedies for that too it's called  a jail cell. Usually the threat of jail is enough to make them take action.

      1. milleramanda53 profile image74
        milleramanda53posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you I have tried all resources and even they have used the jail threat but still nothing but if I was to say no to visitations I will sit in jail for 10 days on contempt of court while he is 5000 behind in support the worse he has recieved is suspended driver's license. but we live and learn I continue to do the right thing for my child by being the better parent right?

        1. galleryofgrace profile image72
          galleryofgraceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          It's  his loss, he won't get any respect from his child. All you can do is be the best parent you know how, whicj I'm sure you are. I've raised five and there were many struggles but it gave me a lot to write about. smile I used writing as an escape and now it is paying off.

          1. milleramanda53 profile image74
            milleramanda53posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I started writing for the same reasons to help get away from it all now my son and daughter write and illustrate with me really helps put everything in a better light.

    2. AEvans profile image75
      AEvansposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Please do not take this wrong. I am not a believer of child support and I have a son. Children should be shared equally, visitation etc. If the other parent cannot afford to pay a person than that is okay too. Children are not pawns for money, they are children who need love and care.

      To me the person that is given custody of the child should pay mortgage, electric, gas, food, clothing, etc. we are saying that we are the responsible adult.

      We should never dangle our children like a carrot to the other parent. We should provide stability to our children. We should not talk poorly of the other parent and try to create a friendship for the sake of the child. Just because a relationship does not work, doesn't mean we should punish our children by lining our pockets.

      If we cannot afford to care for them financially then custody should be given to other parent ( well if they are financially capable) .

      Being a single parent, sometimes means taking on all of the responsibility ourselves without being upset. Which means we are the more responsible parent.

      Talk to your ex and see what he can actually afford and work it out between you and him. Let the courts know you will work it out between both of you and let the pass support go. He may probably be more apt to handle his responsibility if he knew you would also work with him.

      Kindness is golden and many times it really works.

      1. milleramanda53 profile image74
        milleramanda53posted 10 years agoin reply to this

        While I agree completely I do not use my hild as a money pawn at all however he does I know exactly what he can afford and what he can't he has no mortage or rent payment beause I helped him get a goverment house and he makes 2000.00 a month his support payment is only 80 a week. I'm not a sigle mother my point to the question when is it time to grow up. Me personally I can live without the money could care less if he pays it and he knows that because I talk to him every week about it.

        1. AEvans profile image75
          AEvansposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          If he doesn't want the responsibility or doesn't spend time with his children then walk away. Let the person in your life be the better parent. It's his loss and when the children grow up they can have the opportunity to ask there father why, he was not acknowledging them. Always stay positive about him so he cannot say , " you talked about me to our children".

          Take his rights and cancel the support , just walk away.

          Anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a dad. Apparently he is not a dad at all.

      2. Healthy Pursuits profile image84
        Healthy Pursuitsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        AEvans, given the number of women who've had to get out of desperately bad marriages, and the number of deadbeat dads out there, I found your response to milleramanda53's question a lot of drivel.

        I was in a bad marriage. My two options were to continue being beaten or to leave. I wasn't making nearly the money that my husband was, and the result was a financial struggle for many years. That was a long time ago, but it was a terrible situation, and a lot of women live in that situation today.

        You seem to be saying that money is the criteria for which parent is the better one.  In case you don't know it, women make less money than men do. It's a fact all over the world, and there are few professions where that's not true.

        However, the woman is too many times also the parent who wants the children and who will try the hardest to raise them. Granted, there are many, many good fathers out there, and there are some great single fathers. But there are also a lot of fathers who just walk away, dust their hands off and say, "Well, on to new beginnings." while their ex-wives struggle to raise their children.

        If the parent who has the money is also the parent who is the terrible parent, then the money is the thing that makes that parent the most worthwhile, just because he won't part with some of it for child support?

        Now that's where the current thinking in America - that money makes a person more worthy - has reached the height of madness!

        1. profile image0
          april hollandposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          I do not agree with AEvans. However, I do agree with Healthy Pursuits!  I too was a single mother!  My ex left us homeless, I had no job, no car or money.  In cases such as mine, I depended on child support, especially when our second child was still sucking the bottle and in diapers!  I had to move in with my parents. 
          The  father should pay child support.  He half spawned them!!!  And yes, most women make less than men and we are the ones who raise the kids. 
          Get a grip on reality here AEvans.  If the father doesn't want to pay child support, the mother has every right to take his rights, get full custody and the father can walk, staying out of their lives.  Money is a big issue, and it is NOT cheap to raise kids!  Especially when the parent who walks away leaves the wife at home with the kids, when she chose to be a stay at home mommy.

          1. AEvans profile image75
            AEvansposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I am a single parent and do not need support to take care of my child. If there was the ability to stay at home than maybe a degree or education should have been pursued. A woman should never depend on  a man to support the family it shouldn't be about , " But you promised to take care of me" outlook.

            Not all relationships last forever and being co-dependent is unhealthy. If we as women depended on every man to take care of us and our children we would not be self-sufficient. Asking me to get a grip was rude and child support has been used for other purposes besides the child/children.

            If your 'ex' left you desolate and you had to move back home with your parents, I truly hope that you have realized that you should not depend on a man to take care of you and the kids. I am sorry to hear of your horrible plight; but seriously you need to begin to exist and not depend on his money to take care of those children.

            A majority of women are not at poverty level and are able to raise there children without the irresponsibility of the other parent. Mother's who do not have custody are also pitiful too when it comes to evading child support, so its not just about the men anymore.

            All of us know how to create them or adopt them; but when we take on the responsibility of being the full-time parent, we are also saying we are capable of taking care of them financially.

            1. profile image0
              april hollandposted 10 years agoin reply to this

              AEvans, I did pursue my "career" while struggling through with this, thank you very much.  I actually came out of that with a novel based on my true life story that was published last year.  Thank you very much.  And NO, I do not need a man to take care of me nor was that my thoughts at the time, perhaps a little more compassion from women like you would benefit other mothers out there who have suffered the same plight.  And I do exist and I am thankful I went through that, as it made me self sufficient and stronger for my children.  And no....when you take the responsibility of being a full time parent, doesn't always mean you have the ability to take care of them financially all of the way.  What do you say to other full time stay at home mothers out there who fully rely on their husband for support?  I guess they need to learn to exist too?  We sure see you are an independant woman and that is a good thing, considering you pulled yourself up by your own boot straps and survived as a single mother.

        2. AEvans profile image75
          AEvansposted 10 years agoin reply to this

          I am a single parent and do not depend on child support to raise our child. The problem I have with child-support is not that the children do not need the money. Its the parent who receives the money and then does not use it for the child. Support across our Country is being abused and some women have children for the mere purpose of collecting off of the other person.

          When we were in court I didn't see many women who were even trying to help themselves. They were wearing designer clothes, getting their hair done and living off of our system. Their children looked disheveled and when the judge asked, " are you working?" They would say "NO!" They were not even trying to better themselves; but they didn't have any issues with having 5 or 6 little people and they kept sucking the life out of the other parent/parents.

          To make it worse those parents were dangling their children like carrots for more money. I am not saying all women do this; but there are many who abuse the system that cause problems for the rest who need it.

          1. profile image0
            april hollandposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I do agree with you AEvans, I too have seen women abuse the child support system for more money when the money does not go for the child.  Maybe drugs/alcohol or whatever. 
            And I have also seen women refuse to get out and get a job like you said, so you are right there.
            I, however lived in the literal boonies with no jobs, and finally a year later got a job with the help of some friends!  I kept working there for years until I was able to get my book published and pursue my writing career. 
            It does make it hard on women like us that work hard to provide for our children when other women out there do milk the system, making us look bad.  I do believe the parent taking care of the child should get some child support, because children are not cheap!
            I am thankful I do get child support, because when the kids need things or an emergency comes up it does help.  But it should not be a basis or the sole income of the parent who is raising the kids.   You are right there because the child support should expressely go to help raise the kids!

            1. AEvans profile image75
              AEvansposted 10 years agoin reply to this

              I can see what you have gone through and in your case support should have been given to you. Yes children are expensive and I am glad both you and I agree when it comes to the purpose of the support. I am in a large city and there are so many women who are just lazy! I am a tax payer and this isn't anything like seeing a woman pull up in a brand new vehicle and spending money on herself and the children suffer.

              We as women have to get up and get going because the men are not going to do it for us. Yes, they (men) help pro-create; but some don't want any of the responsibility. We can't think and depend on them to take care of the children, we have to go it alone.

              Child support is a good supplemental; but we should not ever see it as a base income.

              1. profile image0
                april hollandposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                Yea child support should not be relied upon at all by women.  But in the area I live, which is still "country", the mothers here are poor, chose to be stay at home mommy's when the husbands walked out.  Sad but true.
                Economics has a lot to do with a woman being able to find a job, or chose to stay on the system.  Sadly, most women here chose the system and do without and so do the kids. 
                But my advice to any single parent, getting child support or not getting it would be to pray, get off your butt and research what you can do to help your situation. 
                Don't stay in the hole or depression just because your man left you holding the bag.  It is not worth it. 
                Sad but true, AEvans you are horrifically right.  Women have to get up and get going.  Besides, what type of purpose would we serve in life if we give up and refused to do something about our circumstances?  Thanks for your comments!

                1. milleramanda53 profile image74
                  milleramanda53posted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Thank You both I agree with you both I worked for a long time with the public until I could not anymore due to epilepsy now I write Children's books and when I am able to go on book tour I do I take my children with me and allow them to experience the world with me. I come from the small town where stay at home mommies are a big thing but they do not agree with my techniques as I am a firm believer if I can't take my kids I don't go. I don't dump my kids off on anybody and don't abuse the system of child support I have never asked for an increase of support and won't for I know I can take care of my family without it but at the same time it would be nice to have the other parent's help from time to time.

              2. Healthy Pursuits profile image84
                Healthy Pursuitsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                AEvans, it seems that you have a very narrow view of women who've been divorced. The ones you've seen in court sound mostly like game players. The real women who are raising real children are at work trying to make money to raise them.  They don't have the money for court. And they're usually being paid rotten wages.

                If you have made it on your own, congratulations. However, instead of looking down your nose at women who are having a more difficult time than you are, why don't you try a little compassion? I've worked since I was 12, and have lived in both a small town and a couple of large cities. In all places, I've seen divorced women trying to juggle family and work as a single parent. Unlike you, I have a great deal of admiration for most of them.

                When a woman stays home with babies and toddlers, and the husband earns the income, she is usually doing it because she and her husband have decided together that it's the right thing to do to prepare their child or children for their future lives. Those first years are the most important in a person's life, in forming the personality. She's not doing it because she's lazy, by any means. Very often, she's interrupted her own career, or at the least, quit a job, to stay at home with her children. She's the one chosen by the couple by default as she's making less money than her husband. I'm surprised that you don't know this.

                From your comments, I'm getting the feeling that you're one of the people who've, over the last few years, become more and more focused and vocal about the MINORITY of people who abuse the system. This is so troubling, because it means the goggles are on, and you miss the real population who work hard, try hard to be good mothers, and are tarred with a brush that they don't at all deserve.

      3. nmdonders profile image76
        nmdondersposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        I agree with every point here.  It's too bad there wasn't a better system.

    3. Mandy24 profile image59
      Mandy24posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You can make that choice in most places. I am having this issue with my ex now. He has always paid the support he is required by law to pay. That was until April of the this year. I got the check like normal and then a stop payment was placed on it and it was taken from my account along with a fee. My account was then (-) and one of my bills did not go through. I don't always depend on it but getting it and having this happen when it is needed is all bad. I asked him about and he knew nothing of it. But we all know you have to request it from the bank. But he said he would take care of it. To date he has nor even tried to talk to be about. After that I recieved a few more checks from him and tried to cash them through the bank they come from and they were all bad checks and couldn't be cashed. Now I am not recieving anything so he is in violation of a court order. Since he has been unable and or unwilling to talk about. I chose to file and report it to child support services and they will take it from here. They will find his money and get it me from this point on. I promise I am reasonable person and truely the money always went to my son's savings or at least half of it, if a bill need to be paid. Right I pay for everything for my son and he is with me 4 1/2 days a week or more everyweek. I have always paid for everything and his father only does what he has to when he has him. My son is 9 years old very smart and knows where he likes to be more but have not had any luck getting him with me fulltime. Anyways, do what you feel is best for you and your sistuation. It took me a long time to not let him walk all over me anymore.

  2. milleramanda53 profile image74
    milleramanda53posted 10 years ago

    Thank You all for your replies this is a very touchy subject and while it is a personal issue I am dealing with I know for a fact I'm not alone. I do not talk down about my ex nor do I lie to my son about this issue at hand for one he is very smart so it makes it hard for me to sugar coat things especially when he asks "Mommy why can't I have this?" which are the hardest moments for me to hold my tongue however as he grows older and wiser he watches and learns on his own where he is better takin care of and has made it no secret to me or his father that he is better off with momma.

  3. aware profile image65
    awareposted 10 years ago

    children are either  a choice  . or a monetary demand for some women.

    1. Mandy24 profile image59
      Mandy24posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Your right. For me it was a choice and sadly I made a really bad choice in my first husband, I regret that marriage. But i have never regretted my son as he was the only good thing to come from it. I am now married to  my best friend I grew up with and we have 1 year old little boy. My 9 year is in heaven with his little brother and I tend to get passed up when he returns from his dads to go see his brother first and all I can do is smile. I am a very lucky mom i that respect.

  4. aware profile image65
    awareposted 10 years ago

    custody  becomes a kidnapping  far to often in the family court system .

  5. Keshabrown profile image60
    Keshabrownposted 10 years ago

    If there is not court ordered child support it is very difficult.  With the court order, the child support agency sets an amount on what is past due and immediately initiates steps to resolve or the non-custodial parent will have fees and other penalties.  In some states, it is 30 days.  In some it is a dollar amount.   I have dealt with this on both sides in five different states and they are all different.  I receive child support and my husband pays child support.  It really depends on the agency regulations.  If you do not have court-ordered child support, that is your first step!  Even if you've had a 'verbal agreement' for years, it doesn't matter.  The law can only assist with that order.  The child support office in your state has a website that should assist you in applying to get a court order.  Unless your child has a trust fund, every non-custodial parent needs to pay their share!  Best wishes.

  6. Amberjewell profile image59
    Amberjewellposted 10 years ago

    It depends on the state. In Missouri, a lot of times the custodial parent has to fill out paperwork requesting child support. I know of cases where the custodial parent never cared about child support and the state did nothing to enforce payment on the non custodial parent.
    If you have already filed and the non custodial parent is still not paying, generally the prosecuting attorney for your county will persue payment. If payment is not made up to a certain amount, further action may result in loss of non-cutodial drivers license, fine, and jail.
    I would encourage you to look up the laws for your state and county, as each county is even different. You can also call the child support enforcement line in your area.


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