Why do women take men 4 child support even when they r good dads?

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stacies29posted 14 years ago
I feel that some women are just scorned lovers who are out 4 revenge.
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  Kadmielsposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  yup there are some woman like that. and its toobad some fathers actually want to be with there childern..
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  AEvansposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I have had friends who have used the child support for themselves and not at all for there children. There children are money makers for them! I agree some are scorned women who are out for revenge but there are also those who use it appropriately. Child support should be for the children not for the ex to get her hair and nails done while the children run around in rags.
  I am married with a son and if my husband and I ever divorced I would not ask for suppport the father should willingly assist with school supplies, extracurricular activities, clothing etc. I know that my husband is that kind of man, but there are those who would not which creates dysfunction and argument. Kids need support from both parents regardless if either mom or day cannot stand one another, it is called creating function not dysfunction. Just my opinion.
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Not so. I divorced and we settled on child support for just that. Child support. Don't care what he or I feel like regarding the emotional state of whatever. Fact is we have a child and she needs to be supported.
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  Poppa Bluesposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Maybe. But going through the court insures that money needed to support the child will be collected. Too often the child is not the priority of the father and in tough times he might skip payments the mother, or custodial parent if the situation is reversed, with the intention of making it up at a later date. All too often, those payments are never made up and the mother and child are forced to do without and to struggle needlessly.
  
  In my opinion, it's much easier to just pay the support than it would be to have to raise the child and fathers, or mothers that don't have custody should happily pay this support. Many times their are feelings of resentment when their ex has suddenly taken up residence with a new lover who does help with support. It is wise in such situations to maintain support for the child and not worry that money may be spent on the new beau.
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  Dao Hoaposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Pay the child support because that is your obligation to your child. I think, if your child is well care for, why do you worry about the new beau? She deserve her happiness too.
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  rhamsonposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  That may be true but unfortunately when it comes down to it a judgement is made and whether the father is taken or not the kids are the ones that are the most important part of the equation and they did not do anything.
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  darren0007posted 14 years agoin reply to this
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  shazwellynposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Define 'Good Dad'.
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  Silverspeederposted 10 years agoin reply to this
  Someone who is there (not necessarily living together) for the children regardless of the situation with the mother, someone who puts his children above all others, yes even himself.
  
  There is no such thing as the perfect father just the same as there is no such thing as the perfect mother but it shouldn't stop us striving to be the perfect parent no matter what the situation is between the two.
  
  In my own personal experience I played it this way, providing for my children what they needed to grow and become responsible adults was my priority. I may have been lucky that my ex partner identified and understood this at an early stage after our marriage and broken down irrevocably, after she went back to work she recognised the contribution that I had made and accepted that although it had been hard for her personally to accept that I had left her that I had never left the children.
  
  Amicability is reached by both parties working on it, unfortunately not all people see it this way.
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  SunKissedCheersposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  i know this single dad. The babies mama was a one night rebound girl that had mutual friends with dad. I see it as- she was lonely and couldnt find love and was out 4 revenge, so she had his kid no matter if he wanted it or not. He is a hard working, honest guy and didnt want a baby to grow up with out knowing his dad. At birth she would not even let him in the hospital to see his baby, after staying up all night waiting, until he had to go to work at 6am. So now SHE gets the baby 24/7 and cashes in an $800 child support check from him every month. And the worst part is he gets the baby for 4 hours- 3 times a week and maybe 8 hours one day a week that she does work, and he has a day off. HIs baby is his top priority, but he hates her. She doesnt let him have overnights, has to go along her schedule and makes him drive 30min. to pick up and drop off.They have mutaul custody, but how is this situation fair? Even if the court ordered whatever, make a few exceptions and compromises..I mean give this poor guy a break. He is so emotionally scarred from a random controlling girl having his kid and then not even being able to see the kid ever, but ironically finds it perfectly exceptable taking a chunk of his pay check each month! Not fair, not acceptable..agh
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  psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this
  Because children cost money every single day. Cash money. Non-residential parents should shut up and pay it.
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  Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this
  Perhaps some women just have the crazy notion that BOTH parents of a child should be responsible for providing emotional, educational, and financial support to a human being that they were both responsible for bringing into the world.
  
  Crazy thought, that. I mean, responsibility? Today? What an unusual thing.
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  Cherri Jaramilloposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  Bingo! That's the nail on the head.
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  psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Being a good (non-custodial) Dad or Mom involves paying for child-rearing expenses. It is far better to have this level legally established and if necessary enforced than to just hope it will work out for the best. After all there are people out there, and in this thread, who disrespect people and don't act in a civil manner.
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  bubbaralph123posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Yourself included....
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  I myself is divorce and I have 7 year old daughter. I don't think you CAN measure a good father by how MUCH MONEY HE CAN PROVIDE FOR HIS CHILD/CHILDREN. I have seen my father struggle to support me and support himself. He has to work 2 jobs. SPENDING TIME WITH MY dad was impossible. Meanwhile my mother can not hold a job she quits for little nonsense even now. I see unfairness here. Why is my father who work so hard and hardly can not afford to buy himself a new shoes need to increase her child support..why ? i did not understand why would the court punished my father. Do they realized that is my father. My mother said its for my best interest and COURT IS THERE TO PROTECT MY MOM. But really, A father is a parent too. Do they know that this hurts the child ? YES, THE COURT TOOK THE humanity OUT OF MY FATHER. MY FATHER DIED WITH NO MEDICAL INSURANCE WHATSOEVER. I HAD ASKED MY MOTHER WHY did you ask for more money. She said, " I don't have a job and its his responsibility.. I GET IT NOW THAT I AM OLDER " ENTITLEMENT" THE LEGAL TERMS IS ALSO CALLED " MODIFIED INCREASE". ..THEY ARE GOOD FATHERs OUT THERE, my father was AND same goes MOTHERs . I recent my mother for this. I don't think I can ever be as greedy and selfish, vindictive like my mother. JUST THINK, IS IT REALLY THE CHILD WELL BEING THAT MATTERS IN THIS SITUATION OR THERE SOMETHING WRONG IN THIS EQUATION. I really don't understand enlighten me.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  That sounds messed up. Did you ever spend any good time with your dad?
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, holidays....
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  At least you spent some time with him, I felt real bad for you. I myself got a terrible mom as well, I couldn't imagine if I had lived with only her. My dad on the other hand is clearly the better parent.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  How old are you now? And how's your relationship with your mother?
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  Cherri Jaramilloposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  That is very heartbreaking to read, but sometimes the truth is. Unfortunately, there are many states that side with the mother in cases such as this. It is completely unfair, but it is the way of the world. After all, money is the root of all evil. A very good friend of mine was a terrific father, he wanted nothing more than to spend time with his children (he had 3 daughters). However, his exwife had some psychological issues which had been the reason for them separating, and she just went after him like a rabid dog when he left her. He tried to get full custody of his girls, but the courts sided with the mother. I've noticed that most states that are more Democratically ran (no impugn or disrespect intended) do tend to lean toward the wishes and needs of the mother.
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  Jwiles2385posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I am a 35 year old father of two great sons. My sons are ages 12 and 3. I've been married twice. My oldest to my first wife and my youngest to my recent ex. I never cheated on my first wife. She cheated on me and I left her when I fell in love with a good friend. After she had cheated and told me. Once I know a woman has cheated.. I'm done. No second chances. My second wife and I were together 6 years just like my first wife. I have been good friends with my first wife and her new husband for years. My second wife and I did not work out. I'm just trying to explain things here...... I have always gotten my oldest son ever since my first wife and I separated. I've always got him 3-4 days a week. Sometimes more. We had set days, but sometimes he stayed longer or less depending on situations. I've always helped pay for whatever he needed. I've always supported him. Never did my ex make me pay support. If your a good dad and you get your child 50% of the time.. Why should a father pay support. Women out there that make fathers pay support when the father gets his kid 50% of the time is just a greedy bitch. Don't argue with me about it. Nothing to argue about. Although I do let my ex file taxes yearly claiming him. My second wife and I separated maybe two years ago now. Same thing...I get my youngest 50% of the time. No support. I help with half of everything.. Including the babysitter. And of course I told her that she could have the same deal as my first wife...she can always claim him on her taxes!! I see myself as one of the better dads. I get my kids half the time and support them by buying them what they need if not paying at least half for things. Any woman that says I should still be paying child support needs to be locked away or her rights to her children should be taken away. It shows nothing but greediness and meanness. I've never cheated on my wife's and I can understand that some situations call for different scenarios. But if a father gets his kids half the time, and supports his kids half way...then why get the government involved. All that does it ruin a man or woman and makes life hard and at times people go through financial hardships and just can help at times. But I'm sure if the ex understands this...the father will make it up eventually.. Maybe not the exact change... But does it matter?? Not if the father is in their kids life. Greedy, selfish woman just need to give fathers the chance and it will all work out 10x better for EVERYONE!!! Now I understand those parents that don't care and don't see their kids.... Take every penny you can. It's your child guys(and sometimes ladies), support your kid and be there. I don't understand how you can't... Kids are the best thing ever!! There's no love like it...ever!!!
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  Yo Reekposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I agree
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  Cherri Jaramilloposted 5 years agoin reply to this
  Having gone through this, but I can only speak to my personal experience. My daughter's biological father wanted me to have an abortion into the first part of my second trimester, and I think it was because I had discovered he was cheating on me. I was extremely hurt by this, yes, but I got as far away from him as I could as quickly as possible. The reason I requested child support is because he did not want to have anything to do with her, and since I had chosen to bring her into this world, I owed it to her to give her every advantage in life. Hence, he helped me create her, he could help me raise her (financially, of course). In regards to good fathers, child support is generally brought on by the fact the couple had been married or were together for a while. Child support is based on the lifestyle the child would have had had the couple remained married, or had they been married. Was this father the main bread winner? Does he have partial custody, or is the child always with the mother? Was the mother working when she and the father were together, or was she a homemaker? Does the mother have a job now to where she can fully provide for the child? There are many variables to consider.
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stacies29posted 14 years ago
Yes I agree. Thanks for your opinion.
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Uninvited Writerposted 14 years ago
Hey, child support is child support. I don't see it as "taking them" for it. I agree some women ask for way too much and are not really considering the child. However, many women have to fight to get any child support out of their ex-husbands.
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  stacies29posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I agree i just know a lot of people who do the right thing and still get dogged for all the wrong reasons.
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rednckwmnposted 14 years ago
good fathers are financialy responsable for thier children, without complaint, married or otherwise.
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  stacies29posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  very true. but good mothers have to be descent by not playing games for the sake of the child.
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  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Forcing a father to take responsibility for his children is not 'playing a game'.
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  stacies29posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  it is not as long as the father is really a deadbeat and not trying. You should not have to force or even go through courts if he is a real dad.
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  lrohnerposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I don't care if they're a real Dad and they're "trying". "Trying" doesn't cut it in my book. I raised 3 kids by myself, and when they were hungry or needed new shoes, I didn't have the luxury of saying, "Sorry honey. Not today. But I'm TRYING."
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  alekhouseposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Right on! I raised two girls by myself and it wasn't easy. We actually needed the money and it was spent carefully. and on the kids.
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  mlugo1989posted 14 years agoin reply to this
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  mlugo1989posted 14 years agoin reply to this
  My babie's mother left me after two years because she didn't love me anymore.......She claims child support on my 800 month income......let me remind you that i still buy my kid things he needs and she makes 3000 a month and only pays 600 in bills total....explain how she has the right to take my money from me
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Because it is your child too. It's none of your business what she does in her personal life or how much money she makes.
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  SoftCornHippoposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  interesting! she married you when you make 800/mo and she makes 3000? and then she had your babies - MAN you have really got it goin' on - for awhile - I guess.
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  Benz Bposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Wow!
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Okay that came off a little rough edged... non of his business unless the child is being abused and neglected or something like that.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Child suport should only be when truly needed, especially if the non-custodial parent would want the kid as well.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  @ sandra rinck
  Sorry, Court has the right to know how much SHE makeS in case The ex-spouse do not agree with modification. And that Child support is based on each others income...! Its his BUSSINESS...SO LONG AS IT INVOLVES THE CHILD....PERIOD.
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  psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Um, the court totally takes into account both parent's income and who is custodial parent and so pays most in direct costs.
  
  What makes you think otherwise?
  
  I have a friend who is both female and the custodial parent, but with the child spending some days a month with each parent. Because her income is much higher she pays some child support to the father.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  First of all, if the money is for the child it should go to the child (or to the child's expenses). If she's well-heeled, it's questionable that the tiny bit of income coming from him is making much difference.
  And no, it isn't "his child too." She has excluded him from meaningful participation in the child's life. She did so upon her own selfish motives. I fully reject your premise that biology is destiny. If she doesn't want him in the child's life (as in, living with the child), then she should accept responsibility for HER CHOICE to be the primary parental figure in the child's life.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Sometimes TRYING is all you can do. If YOU ook for a JOB you go there to get THAT JOB. You do the ACTION But you can not FORCE them to HIRE YOU. TRYING has more ACTION THAN NOT DOING ANYTHING at ALL THAT IS THE WORST.
  I raised my daughter alone with no help from food stamp or from other relatives. Its just me and my mother in NYC. I get Child support from his father. He gives the money I needed to support my daughter and he helped me get back on my feet. Yes, you help the MOTHER Too because it makes sense. Mother MUST KNOW HOW TO SURVIVE AND RELIED ON THEMSELVES INCASE SOMETHING HAPPEN WITH YOUR EX-SPOUSE. THEN WHAT ? i know find a boyfriend and have babies with them.
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  TamCorposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Going through the courts is as much for the father, as the children. Court-ordered child support is handled through the county child support division(at least in my state), and every payment is documented. That way, no mother could ever say they didn't get it-for whatever reason, and at the same time, no father can say they paid it, when they didn't. Both parties are protected.
  
  Bottom line...child support is for the CHILDREN--not as punishment for the father, or to pay for a mom's new pair of shoes....the children deserve to receive this money. It covers the clothes on their backs, the food on their table, the roof over their heads.
  
  If my child support had not been court-ordered, I'd have never received a dime from my ex. Even at that, he was $18,000 behind in his support by the time my two kids turned 18, and support stopped...but that's a whole other story right there...
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  If the father (or mother, for that matter) is no longer living with the child, he (or she) will gradually drift out of the child's life. That's what happens in the overwhelming majority of cases. And it's not because these are bad people, or deadbeats, or any of that nonsense. The noncustodial parent has obstacles in the way of maintaining a relationship that the custodial parent simply doesn't face. Also, it's human nature to seek a cohabiting family, and the father is now stopped from doing so with his child. If the mother wants to be the primary parent in the child's life, she shouldn't expect half the costs to come from someone who has been excluded from that role. Either stay with your partners, or face single motherhood without assistance.
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  Arizona101posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  U must be a baby daddy scorned or not have kids at all because that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. If a father REALLY WANTS a relationship with his child then NO ONE can stop him, so if he's not seeing his kids it's his own fault. And this coming from a single mother, trust me, NO MOTHER WANTS TO BE A SINGLE PARENT. It is the hardest thing on the history of the planet (which the other parent will NEVER comprehend because the don't understand all the sacrifices single moms have to make). But when a REAL mother leaves because she's not in love anymore, there's more to it then that and people like you could NEVER see that. Because when you are unhappy, miserable and depressed because your are stuck in a loveless miserable relationship, it's NOT POSSIBLE to be a good parent to your children. You take out all your misery and anger out on your partner and worse of all, your innocent child. If affects YOUR CHILD. So if your saying that is what your want your child to learn, that it's better to be a miserable, depressed, angry, hateful (I could go on) person, instead Of being alone and happy, then by all means, do your thing. But a GOOD mother knows that staying in a unhealthy relationship is the WORST thing you could do for your child. And your statement is just plain ignorant.
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  blondepoetposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Unfortunately even though dads can be good dads, when there is a divorce a lot of times there will be war between the divorcees,and it stems down to the children. I know so many guys even though they are good dads be stubborn to pay child support as a "get back" at the mother. If everything can be rosy of course that would be the ideal.
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  C.J. Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I really don't think thats Stacies angle. I think her point is that if the Father is there, participating and not harrasing, why do some women give them hell.
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wesleycoxposted 14 years ago
As a man that is heading into divorce I have absolutely no qualms about paying child support, because my daughters deserve to have everything they may ever need. Plus if I can manage some extra money I will continue their college fund. The basis for me is taking care of my daughters, which also includes taking care of their mother.
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  earnestshubposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Well said! A real man should not need any persuasion to look after his children or their mother after divorce.
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Lisa HWposted 14 years ago
Much of the time the problem is that divorce is that the income(s) that was fine for one home, one set of utilities, etc. turns into one that needs to support two separate residences and everything that go with that. Both parties often end up in far worse financial situations. The wife may have legitimate needs for more child support. The husband may have genuine struggles trying to pay what he's supposed to pay. I know that sometimes one party or the other isn't "guilt-free", but a good part of the time neither one is a horrible person (only someone who can't "get blood out of a stone"). It doesn't go that way in all divorce, but - boy - it's a common thing.
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kysnoopyq42posted 14 years ago
My child's father doesn't pay support and she suffers for it everyday.
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Mine too.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  You're a bad person and you don't deserve any help.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  That is when you take his Ass to court....You have to survive and your kids. YOu should do something.
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pgrundyposted 14 years ago
Most women never receive child support even when it is court ordered. My children's father and I 'shared' custody and the expense of raising them after the divorce, which translated into me paying for most things, but he didn't pay child support and the kids saw lots of both of us. It was hard though. They are all grown and have found nice partners and ok jobs, but it was a long haul.

Somebody has to raise kids and pay for kids. Nobody seems to want to take responsibility anymore. You shouldn't have to *make* fathers support their children. It's sickening to me that it is necessary to force men (and women too) to do this.
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  I know right. I think what frustrates me more then him not wanting to help support her is that he still wants to be dad... but like it was when we were together.
  
  He is dad on his own time, when he wants to be, when he says etc... Me, I am mom all the time and that never changes.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Have you offered him full custody? Have you offered to be the one who gets visitation and pays child support? I didn't think so. So stop your whining. You're not entitled to anything.
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  Arizona101posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  So if you are in fact the baby daddy scorned, if your child's mother offered you full custody u would take it? I can guarantee u that u would not accept it. And if ur dumb ass said yes just out of spite, ur selfish attitude shows that you wouldn't make it 2 weeks as a single dad. Like I said before, being a good parent is about being able to make sacrifices, and selfish people (ur kind) don't know how to do that. On that note, good parents don't make life changing decisions like that because they know how it would AFFECT THEIR CHILD.
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  C.J. Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Its a difficult issue. I think the support system is too one sided. All of the support by each states "office of human services" is directed towards the costodial parent. I feel for all of those who were not able to get the support they needed. I on the other hand have experienced the other side. Being gamed by a costodial parent who's only objective was cashing in. Its ugly, its painfull, its expensive. I do see some improvements though. For one most states no longer allow a divorce to be finalized with out a "parenting agreement". Also some states are taking controll of the payment delivery from the very start.
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  Goddess2021posted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Hell has no fury like a women scorned. Many cases that’s the issue. Mother deny the father visitation. Children prefer to live with dad, so mother upset cut off all contact. But wants a lot of money in child support. When she makes over 100,000.00 year. Puts father in jail for 6 months + claiming medical bill money etc. Father disabled veteran that offered all his disability. Mother still want more , so father sits in jail cause he do not have $40,000 they’re demanding. Many women are EVIL, vindictive & greedy. Claim to love the father of your kids but do that too him. I wouldn’t want a mom that treat my dad that way. Plus kids do find out the truth in life. Mom was wrong & kept your dad from seeing about you. Spending time with kids is very important. Angry selfish women don’t see that. Woman can not teach boys how to be men.
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Frugal Fannyposted 14 years ago
I believe that, in most circumstances, separated parents should pay equally to support a child they created together. However, I think that if the separation was bitter and one half sucked as a parent, or if one party is experiencing financial problems, I think it's best if the slack be picked up by the other party. In that case of one parent being a deadbeat, I think the separation should be complete, for the good of the child, leaving no ties to the deadbeat parent.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  @ Frugal Fanny you are absolutely right...
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  psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  That is the way the system is interned to work--the parents contribute equally to a standard of care for their child that is consistent with their joint income. If it is doing anything else it is by malfunction, not design.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Nonsense. The custodial parent should find a new partner.
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  psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Um, no. The parents should parent, not demand that the person they broke off with find someone else to do it. You made the kid, you deal with it.
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Ms Chievousposted 14 years ago
During my divorce the Judge did a really fair thing.. he did not order any child support as our salaries were almost the same. This was supposed to keep the bitterness out of the relationship. It didn't keep out the bitterness form my ex who was upset about not getting money from me. Now I am afraid he is going to go on disability to try to get child support from me.
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  C.J. Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Thats exactly what I meant by "gaming" the system. You know what to do....get photos of your "disabled" ex bowling, playing golf, mowing the yard, etc and turn them in!LOL
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  Ms Chievousposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Believe me the thought has crossed my mind.. but what better defense then "Gee how can he take care of our son if he has back problems" did cross my mind..
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Oh yeah, my x decided that he won't get a legitimate job so I can't get child support from him.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Judges only do the "real fair thing" when women are the ones that would be forced to pay.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  and Then Karma strikes back. When the woman remarries or has partner who has an ex-Wife whose as equal as them...hahahaha...!
  Better yet, your brothers, your friends, your son someday will get that payback...
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TMinutposted 14 years ago
When mine left me with four kids after I'd been a stay-at-home mother for 15 years, I had to get food stamps and medical assistance; that requires getting child support paid through the courts.

The things that happened with the courts was so bizarre though that I finally had to tell them I didn't want them involved in my finances.

Just buying things for the kids when they need it (school supplies, clothes) doesn't cover the necessity for help paying for their home, heat, and food.
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  sandra rinckposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, I think that some people get the wrong idea about child support, thinking that the money paid to child support is supposed to go into a saving account or is to purchase you kid toys or whatever the kid wants.
  
  Nay. Child support is to help support the childs basic needs and extras if you can afford it. ie: rent, food, utilities, clothes etc...
  
  Child support hardly puts a dent in obligatory bills. In my mind extras come out of your pocket as a nicety. And I also think that some outsiders get the wrong idea about mothers or fathers who struggle to pay the bills but when the extra money comes around they do something for themselves.
  
  I see this. I pay for it all. He decides he will finally make a payment. Great, now I can get that sweater I have been eying for the four months because all my money is going to the bills and my kids necessities. I put off getting myself, with my own money, what I want because my child is first.
  
  She is taken care of. So x finally pays, he sees I just bought a new sweater. He know thinks that I am using the money on myself.
  
  Why?
  
  Because deep down inside, he wants me to be miserable like him. What he doesn't see, because as a mother it is my job to make sure that she doesn't know the struggles. In my eyes it is pretty unnecessary stress to a kid, is that...
  
  If he really did care about his child, he would pay the child support. If he paid regularly like he is supposed to, then our kid would have much more than I alone can offer her.
  
  So I say cry me a friggin' river for buying a sweater and be happy that I am able to keep a roof over her head, food in her belly, cloths on her back and toys in her room.
  
  The only time I think anyone should get involved in the financial affairs of their friends or family when it comes to child support is if they see that the child is not being taken care of.
  
  Other than that, no one makes separate financial accounts for their kids and we don't keep track of serial numbers on a buck to make sure that dollar when to the kid.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  HAVE YOU OFFERED HIM FULL CUSTODY??? If he refuses to accept custody and you're stuck with it against your will, then I can have some sympathy for you. Otherwise, stop your moaning.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Late comments here, but Avelokiteshvara you are totally correct.
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prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago
thats why we have the courts to determine the amount of child support,
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h.a.borcichposted 14 years ago
My husbands ex left him after she was cheating for a year.
He pays more than 28% ($20,000 a year) and she tells him and the kids it is a pathetic ammount.
She made visitation painful, but he never missed any - he wanted to do homework with them, see school plays, etc.
The courts allowed her to move the kids across the country.
Now she threatens to impede visitation because he won't give her more money than what the courts order.
And she has the kids call her husband daddy.

What she has done is far beyond a woman scorned.

He keeps the kids interests top priority, but she has told him she wants him out of thier lives and that he owes her everything he has.

It is sad.

I never got a penny in support for my son nor did his dad ever make a visitation. What him or I would have given for a dad like my husband is.
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  C.J. Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Been there done that....its tough.
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caravalhophotoposted 14 years ago
Simple answer to this question.

It took two people to make this/these children and it does not matter what the parent who has physical custody makes, that child was use to a certain lifestyle and that child deserves nothing less.

Child support is used to support the child, that includes rent, utilities, food and clothing, that money isn't for "college tuition" to be saved till the child is 18, it is used to "support" the child. To put a roof over their heads and food in their bellies and clothes on their backs, heat and light.

Once that concept is understood, the answer is simply...life is expensive and so is raising a child. It takes both parents and sometimes, the help of family and friends.
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  This is garbage. If you end the relationship and want the kids, you should accept the responsibility.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Yep
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  ThatPersonThereposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Very rude way of saying it, but yeah pretty much what that guy said up there. The only thing I disagree with is if you are married to that person. If you have both made a predetermined agreement to raise your kids, then that's what both of you should do. Of course in the far more common other event you ladies are on your own. If that guy says "Nope, I'm out" It isn't right to force them to take care of that kid when clearly you had plenty of notice he wanted nothing to do with it or you.
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Len Cannonposted 14 years ago
Child support isn't punishment, its money to pay for the kids.
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  Ms Chievousposted 14 years agoin reply to this
  Yep that is a concept many people don't get... Unfortuanley the adults act like kids and want to try to get as much money from each other as possible. i still think the judge in my case did a good thing by stating there would be no child support for either party! That way each parent can truly spend money on their child.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Its so funny when You Go to a wedding is so beautiful full of LOVE and Then YOU GO to FAMILY COURT HOUSE..COUPLEs DON'T EVEN SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. EVERYBODY LOOKED SO ANGRY. THESE couples have HATE AND RESENTMENT, HENCE THEY ARE GETTING A DIVORCE, RIGHT?
  
  PUNISHMENT ?.......YES, REALISTICALLY IT happen most often than NOT
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Wise words from Jane, btw I emailed you back.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  i respond back..k have a good Spring.
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  ThatPersonThereposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Sadly... I believe that the reason for that is the children in the first place. Trust me, plenty of the couples there aren't married and never were. The ones I have seen are more often than not pissed off boyfriends/men that fucked up by getting someone pregnant and an angry ex who's pissed off that he doesn't want to be there for the child he never wanted in the first place. That's just my experience though.
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samsbrposted 14 years ago
At first you need specify you question Men means what? Becoz Men is to be your dad, brother, cousins etc. So, why you were telling like this? If anybody's brother or cousins taking care of your child what is the fault in this relation got my points...So pls specify you question at first..thanks
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Christopher Floydposted 14 years ago
Thank you for asking this question and raising the debate. I have always made every possible effort to provide for my kids, often to my own detriment. I think a man isn't a man if he is calloused against his children.
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Jewshavemorefunposted 14 years ago
Fair enough if a woman is asking for too much child support or if she is mis-spending the money intended to help with the costs of raising the child but not all women "take" men for child support. My father hardly ever paid child support for me and my mum, foolishly in my opinion, let it slide and worked harder to provide for me. She had tried previously to get him to pay it but due to his reluctance she did not want to depend on whatever amount he decided to send our way whenever he felt like it so when she stopped chasing him for the money he took this as an opportunity to just stop paying. If a man is a good dad then he will pay the child support based on the amount specified by the child support agency.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  exactly......it should be a natural thing to parents to raise their child/children no matter what...
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Ghost32posted 14 years ago
It's a warring Universe.
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TheGlassSpiderposted 14 years ago
Some women take advantage, but being a good dad emotionally doesn't necessarily add up to his whole responsibility. Kids are expensive, and dads need to help with that part too.
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eschneiderposted 10 years ago
Keep in mind, some men want their kids and were force to not have them. It's not my fault she was a lying cheating whore. But she gets the kids because the system favors women. I'm ordered to pay over 30K in support + maintenance; I refuse to pay maintenance, and the support is way too much. Give me the Kids, I don't want any support from her, she's useless anyway. I rather sit in Jail...
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  Avelokiteshvaraposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Right on!!! If she can't handle the responsibility, she should hand it back to you. And that means you get FULL CUSTODY.
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  ThatPersonThereposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  See, I can't understand why this is such a big debate. He won't pay! She keeps the kids! I do it all myself! Well you're never there. Guys. It's simple. If being a single parent is THAT hard for you that you have to cry about it all the time, then hand them over to the other parent. Otherwise, shut it. Or at least stop keeping them from him if it bothers you so much. Dump them on him for a while and take a break. If you divorced someone and you had an agreement to raise the kids, just shut up and help out it won't kill you. You made this choice, live with it. It's not the kids' fault. For those women who are single unwed moms and pissed off about the deadbeat ex, I have one question for you. What was his reaction when you told him you were pregnant? If you had early notice he wanted nothing to do with that child, you can't logically be pissed off at him for not being around. I mean come on, you WERE warned...
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  Arizona101posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Wow. Another stupid comment from another stupid person. Being a single parent IS THAT HARD. The other parent will never ever understand what a single parent has to do. Pay for daycare (FYI starts at $800 for infants and decreases a tiny bit by year till in actual school) Work more then one job at a time (one just for daycare), work around ur CHILDS daycare hours (because you no longer have friends when your constantly working, not to mention having to find a sitter on holidays that daycares are closed, having to call off work when u can't, have to call off when ur CHILD is sick (daycare spreads germs), have to call off when U get sick from ur CHILD, request days off for ur children's appointments (doc, dentist, ect.), responsible for EVERYTHING involving the child, like finding docs n dentists, schools, finding a sitter is hard enough but try finding a consistent sitter, have to drive an hour when the only person who can watch ur kid is really that far away, not sending ur kid off with strangers because u actually worry about people like child molesters and drug addicts, instead of just asking complete strangers to watch ur kid. ALWAYS do what is best for ur child. (I could keep going but I would be here all night)
  
  Ur telling me that the other parent who never even initially goes to court to get visitation with their own free will is going to be able to do all that? I can guarantee u they can't. Because if that was possible you wouldn't have to go through the courts to get visits and child support. Parents should be focusing on CO-PARENTING their children together. Their children ALWAYS come first and no new girlfriend or boyfriend could get in the way of that. But unfortunately there is usually one immature parent who doesn't see it that way so yea, they end up in court. Or u have two stupid people having one child and that's even worse.
  
  U say to OFFER him full custody, but why isn't he ASKING For joint custody? And I don't mean to the child's mom, but to a judge. If someone wAnts to be in their child's life they would do WHATEVER IS LEGALLY POSSIBLE. (I will let u in on a secret) And there is nothing the custodial parent can do about it unless ur absent or dangerous to the child. Non custodial parents still have RIGHTS, it's up to them to enforce them. But when u know u can go anytime to court to see ur kid but u still don't do it and then claims the other parent won't "let" u see them, what do u call that?
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cjaroszposted 10 years ago
It simple. It took two people to make the child. They should both pay for its raising. Its not a matter of is the guy good or not. Its about doing what's right. It shouldn't be left up to one person solely to take care of the child. In reality, its not about ripping one off for the other. Its meant to actually take care of the child. Whether it be bills, clothes or food.

Some of the parents do take advantage of doing whatever with the money. Yes, thisis sad that tthey do that. It is not what the money is for.

However, not all moms are like that. People see child's support as a way to support the mother. When its not the case. There are a lot of moms who actually do it the right way. It just depends on the person.

It takes more to raise a kid than just seeing him/her on the weekends. That's what being an adukt means. Taking care of your responsibilities no matter what the situation is. Its his responsibility to take care of his kids, just as much as t is hers.
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  Todd Denglerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  doing what's "right" is a two way street. if the mom gets a new man and never gets a job, the dad shouldn't have to continue to pay for her NEW lifestyle. i want to be able to provide for my kids FUTURE as well as their day to day, but i'm struggling w 2 jobs (i make over $50k/yr!!). just seems like the laws are favoring the mom, and that's crap.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Government is funny. There are a lot of stuff that should be illegal like gambling but yet despite how many people lives have been destroyed. Family, friends, jobs, the high percentage of suicide among pathological gambler have increased incredibly for the last years. It is STILL LEGAL.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  @ cjarosz, Yes, Supporting the child is what really matters in Child Support. If the mother needs support yes if it for the child well-being. The big picture here is that it does not matter whether both parents is divorce or not leaving together. They are still bind because they have a child. It is not traditionally a family, but they are parents. Both parents SHOULD BE ABLE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER TO PROVIDE THE BEST CARE POSSIBLE FOR THEIR CHILD. ITS A TEAM OF TWO trying to make the best for their children despite the separation. The children should see this value of togetherness despite the fact that their parents don't leave together as a unit but as supporting team who love their kids and be a good model of good parenting....
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psycheskinnerposted 10 years ago
Part of being a good Dad is paying your court mandated child support. It doesn't matter how often you take them out for ice cream of you don't pay a fair share of their every day bills.
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  Todd Denglerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  my ex doesn't HAVE any bills! her new hubby pays for everything. she's just a full time mom again (not that that's not a job, it is...) but i shouldn't be required to write this new hodad a check every month for his mortgage!
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Right
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Tony Rodriguezposted 10 years ago
too many women scam men, treat their kids wrong, and sit on their butts collecting checks. It should be up to both parents to provide. My ex never used my money on my kid, always on her self. Never worked, and gets another child support payment from another guy. Cause if one guys slave labor isn't enough, just get another. Getting a job and helping fix the mess you made, by spreading your legs, is the last thing on a mooches mind. No one cares because the state gets it's 3-6% of your check. Everything is money motivated, the government owns our souls.
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Tony Rodriguezposted 10 years ago
Granted a child needs caring for, and it is part my responsibility, but these judgments are unfair. 800,2000,50,000 a month.... Getting divorced, is like hitting the state lottery. There should be a flat expense, between food, shelter, and clothing... I'm a grown man, and I don't spend 800 bucks on myself a month to stay alive.
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  psycheskinnerposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  A rich man, in my opinion, should not be given the option of having a poor kid.
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  That is exactly why the man should get custody of the child if he wants to then.
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  ThatPersonThereposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Bingo.
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mylittlesofyposted 9 years ago
Not all women. Sometimes some guys, not all, are also the same. I guess some people don't realize the good things in front of them.
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Todd Denglerposted 9 years ago
hey folks.
i'm kind of in the same boat here. my ex and i separated and before the end of that month she was dating a "friend" of mine. (within 18 months, they were married.) once the divorce was final, my ex sold her father's riverfront cottage for over $400k (split w her brother). She's never worked (since our 2 kids were born), and she hasn't worked since the divorce. She was living off the money she got from the sale of the marital home (which i worked 2 jobs to get paid off) before she got re-married.

I have every-other-weekend with the girls, have a nice home, and the kids have plenty of clothes and toys at my house, which i bought. i want to be able to buy a home and establish a life for not only MY kids but, if I remarry one day, for my future wife and family.

My ex calls herself a "Christian" -- but she demands I pay the child support (I've never missed a payment) -- even though she knows she doesn't need it and the girls are well provided for when they are with me (and her). And she knows I want to be able to provide a good future for the girls as well as for myself.

Any legal advice, happy thoughts, or anything else to help me wrap my head around this spiteful, bitter extortion? I think child support should only be required IF the mom NEEDS it.

Mahalo
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  Alberto Lunaposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  "Child support should only be required if the mom needs it"
  
  Obviously, but the courts are usually very sexist so I doubt this will ever change if men don't stand up for their rights, join the Mens Rights Association.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Hi Albert, Most of the time mother needs support. Support is not only Financing the needs of the child but also attending to the child daily routine. Maybe helping out take the kids to the park, help with their homework, picking them up at school. If the other caretaker which is always the mom must have that support so that she can go to work. Vise Versa. Me and my ex-husband work on schedule. I have to work weekends therefore he is there for her. If we get someone say a babysitter "We" both loose because it cost a lot of money and why get a babysitter when you can spend time with your child. Instead of giving the money to a babysitter you don't even know why not spend it toward our daughter, like taking her to the movies..You have to think about this thing. Children needs love the love that they feel. It is as important as money. This is the stage where they're development depends on. They don't see money as an adult sees it. Remember that.
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  gooddad2kidsposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  Reading these posts hit close to home for me. I am a father of 5. Two of my children live with me and the others with they're mom. I actually have 3 mothers to contend with. The 2 who live with me are 18 and 17. Theyre younger siblings live with their mothers. They are 16, 12, and 7. The 16 and 12 year olds are for 1 woman and the 7 year old lives with his mom. Complicated i know. So this is my story. I got married at 18 and was lost in love, lasted 3 years. After my divorce i began paying $500 per month for court ordered support. I have paid every dime until they moved in with me. I collect no support from their mom though i should. I am currently being sued by my younger 3 kids mothers. All of their lives i have paid for 90% of their care. I buy ALL school uniforms, daily clothing such as shoes, under clothes, outfits etc. I also pay for extracurricular activities such as band for 2, track and field, foootball, etc. In caring for them, i also pay for medical expences such as dental, prescriptions, vision, etc. I have no insurance. All of my kids have close relationships. They come to my house every other weekend, all holidays, and nearly all of the summer. I am single so i do all the cooking and cleaning at OUR house. I rent a family home that is owned my my mother. For years i have battled my ex and she constantly finds reasons the kids cant come. They are punished for misconduct by not being allowed to come to my house. I have given my children everything i have. I do not go to clubs or gamble because those funds are better spent on my kids. The agreement i had with their moms was for me to do as i have and all would be well. Things took a turn for the worst when my ex discovered ner new husband was already married. Her misery tricked down to me and she became friends with my other ex and now they have both sued for child support. I will have to pay for 3. I work odd and end jobs for myself such as cutting grass, painting, and other handy man type projects. I have no food stamps, welfare, or assistance whatsoever. Im basicly being crusified and have been a stellar father. Their mothers do not need the support, but have chosen to do so basicly to punish me because i will not pursue a relationship with them. It is what it is. I know all the wise cracks about having "all those kids", but i wanted a big family so my children were intentionally concieved and have always been what i wanted in my life. Unfortunately, the kids will have to suffer for their mothers actions. I have to decide if i will allow their mothers to break me or walk away. I love them deeply, but the stress and strain of fighting for years have taken a toll on my health and well-being. If i continue the back and fourth fighting, i will end up either in jail or a mental institution. The cost of support will completely break me and leave me with out enough to support the 2 that live with me. I am forced to make a decision that a father should never have to make. I will pay what ever the support the court orders, but no more. Theyre will be no more weekends, holidays, and summers at my house. I simply can mot afford it after the support. Basicly, my kids have lost their father. I have no choice but to pay the support and walk away from their lives. It is seriously unhealthy for them and myself to continue this lifestyle. The kids love me and i have been clearly a better parent, but mom always win. Theyre are cases when dads have crazy women who do any and all possible to cause the dad the most possible grief. I am a guy that has always been there. I am the parent that the school knows and calls when needed. I go on field trips with the kids, volunteers at school events, you name it. But now things are going to change for the worse for my kids. I feel so bad for them, but it is not my doing. Men should support their children that is a fact and i intend to pay every dime of my obligations ordered by the court. But my children have lost a major part of their lives. They loose dad because mom has driven me away. So when the women on this site boast about how men should pay and how no good they are; they should consider the fact that they're are good men...fathers who are unjustly beaten and robbed by the greed of no good mothers who care more about a few dollars than they do about the welfare of their children. I can not be called a deadbeat dad cause i alway have been there and always paid. In the future i will pay, but unfortunately the kids will have a price to pay as well.
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  Jane Carigposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  @gooddad2kids.... not seeing my dad for a lot obvious reason part of it. Is the struggle. Chaos with my hostile mother and time schedule.
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Chriswillman90posted 8 years ago
Money and vengeance seem to be the most common answers but she still deserves to get something back from the father. I have relatives where the father owes thousands in child support payments and never pays anything on time. They do have a responsibility, and think true vengeance is when the mother wants sole custody of the children. That definitely is a sign of more spite than simply financial protection for the children.
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agatap89posted 8 years ago
Hi, My five-year old daughter loves this coloring book. She likes to learn numbers and letters
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awareposted 8 years ago
A woman can chose to kill the baby .and the father has no say. But if she choses to have it the man has to pay. Most times for someone else to raise their child.its agregious
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rebellious-tyeposted 8 years ago
as a unwed father facing child support let me start off by saying I have no problem paying child support but what I do have a problem with is paying child support to a mother who doesn't co parent and refuses to let her father be a father and for mother with no job not even looking for one sitting at home on section 8 just collecting child support and benefits from Social Service in for the courts to to mandate good fathers who will do anything for the kids to pay sometimes ridiculous child support orders and if they don't pay on time as expected or fall shorts and can even face jail time it's so unfair now I understand everybody needs to own up to their responsibility when it comes down to their childrenbut in this case where is the mother's responsibility
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psycheskinnerposted 8 years ago
The "revenge" of having the father pay a fair share of the costs of raising the child that lives in her household all of the time, not just when he feels like being "a good father".

If he wants to shoulder the responsibility and not make payments, he can seek custody.
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  bubbaralph123posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  lol...you are joking aren't you?....In a feminist run court system the woman still gets custody even if she's a drug addicted street whore that's never worked a day in her life & can be shown to be abusive & neglectful of the children...whilst the father could be shown to be hard working & a credit to society with his children wanting to be with him.....and he still loses out.
  
  A lot of fathers walk away because the deranged women with the court system in their back pocket FORCE them to walk away.....pathetic really when women account for over 40% of child abuse with men at 18.7%.
  
  Would love to see the day when the media stop running scared of women and actually run a campaign to highlight this fact and actually help protect children.
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  psycheskinnerposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I know multiple separated couples with children (four, to be specific), and where the father sought shared custody he got it. In one case there is shared custody and the mother pays child support because her income is higher. In most states shared custody is in fact the default if both parents serk custody (which is actually a questionable choice for the wellbeing of a young child).
  
  If a father gets zero share of custody, not even the occasional mandated weekend, it generally means he did not apply for it or he is not able to demonstrate gainful employment and responsible lifestyle. Any custody he does get reduces his bill.
  
  Yes there is a bias but many guys just wave that excuse around when they never did a damn thing to get custody.
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brimancandyposted 8 years ago
Don't leave out the women who marry to get child support. My cousin David married a lady who already had a child she was getting child support for. She divorced him after 2 years after having a daughter with him. She got alimony and child support from my cousin and her first husband.

The last I heard, she was on her 7th husband, and she had a child with the first 6 husbands, She was getting alimony and Child support from her previous 6 husbands. In the area of around $3,000.00 a month. She didn't have to work, and spent a majority of the money on stuff for herself, and not her kids. Only 3 of the kids lived with her, and the others were supposed to be with her, but spent most of the time with their dads.

My cousin's Daughter has not seen her mom since she was 7, and doesn't care if she ever sees her again.
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psycheskinnerposted 8 years ago
There is a really easy solution to being tricked into fatherhood, it's called a condom.
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  mrpopoposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Are you implying that all of these cases of unwanted fatherhood are men being irresponsible with contraception? Or that condoms are some sort of foolproof solution to fatherhood?
  
  A survey by Durex that said about half of Americans have sex at least once a week, or 52 times a year. Condoms only have a 98% success rate. If all of these encounters used condoms that's 1 failed condom right there per year for half of the American population. That's with perfect use of the condom, that failure rate will increase with incorrect storage and usage. According to CDC the typical condom use failure rate is 12-18%. Do you honestly think that's good enough for men to prevent unwanted pregnancies?
  
  This isn't even getting to what some women have done to trick their partners into fatherhood, like flushing birth control pills down the toilet or inseminating themselves with the contents of a used condom.
  
  Let's say a pregnancy does happen, what recourse does the man have if he doesn't want to have the child? Nothing, he's at the whim of the woman's decision. Compare that to the woman's options of emergency contraceptives, abortion or putting the baby up for adoption.
  
  The real solution is to give men the same right women have to opt out of parenthood.
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  Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Oh they (men) can be proactive on this matter (opting out of parenthood) all they want. Have at it!!! Please!
  
  ( I am talking very PROACTIVE: as in not having sex until a child is wanted. Wouldn't that be a strange world?)
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  mrpopoposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, usually after the condom "solution" comes abstinence shaming. Both men and women on average have sex well before being able to raise a child. Rarely is this consent to sex also a consent to parenthood. All you are doing is levying another unrealistic and unequal requirement on men. I doubt you'd do the same to women.
  
  (Incidentally, avoiding parenthood via abstinence is not "opting out" of parenthood. To opt out of something implies you are already involved in it, like an email subscription service. Your suggestion is not an opting out of parenthood, it is an avoidance of sex.)
  
  Women have 4 or 5 different options when it comes to relinquishing motherhood. Men don't have a single one. Why don't you want to give them the same rights in opting out of parenthood?
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Deborah Demanderposted 4 years ago
Women don't "take" men for child support. It is court ordered. Historically, men earn more money than women. Historically, women take care of children. Historically, in a divorce situation, the women get the kids and the men make more money. This is why the courts typically order the husband to pay child support. To help support his children.
Not all women use the money for their kids. And not all men pay child support. Both men and women do things that are damaging and harmful to other people. And both men and women can be kind, loving and healing.
It is a matter of choosing to be kind, choosing to do the right thing for your kids, and choosing to respond in love rather than fear and anger.
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Why do women take men 4 child support even when they r good dads?

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Why do women take men 4 child support even when they r good dads?

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