Breaking up after 8 years

1. 53

   julie93422posted 14 years ago

   My boyfriend gave me an engagement ring at X-mas, asked me to keep it until he felt he was ready to make the move to marriage. But, he wanted to put us on hold for awhile. He had some issues he was trying to work out. That did not work out so well for us as he began drifting away from me. About a month ago he said there was no longer an us, but said we were not broken up and wanted to keep the line of communication open. Guys out there- what is up with that? He wants to have coffee and talk on the phone for now. Any thoughts out there?

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2. 60

   packerpackposted 14 years ago

   Well I am not expert in giving relationship advice but I think he is just looking for some time with himself. Remember it is 8 year long relation and it just cannot end it like that. If you get hurt he too will feel the same. I think he is just looking for some time to settle some issues. Maybe he wants to have a free mind for some time but that does not mean he is going away. Just try to understand what is going on. Give him what he wants, I think he wants a friend, just a friend. Give him that. But do not loose contact. Well just a simple analysis from my end. Have patience.

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3. 53

   julie93422posted 14 years ago

   Thanks for the note. Ok, yesterday we meet for coffee...I made a comment about our status while we were working on things. He said he is not using this time to work on us. So I ask are we splitting up? What's the deal? I asked him if we are seeing other people? He did not want to answer any of those questions and said so! Just that we should keep the lines of communication open. So, some man explain that! Is he seeing others already and wants to keep me nearby? Or is he really trying to get his mind worked out and wants to keep me nearby? It is really difficult when he is so reluctant to clarify things. Do I move on?????

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   1. 60

      packerpackposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You said both the things yourself, he is either seeing someone or is trying to work out his mind out of something. If I were at your position I would have considered the second option. It takes a real long time and effort to build a relationship and that too which lasts for 8 long years. I would never let go from my end no matter what. I would put in all the effort to save it. I would suggest you to give him some time, let him be himself. Try to understand him, what he wants, help him like a friend.
      
      You have been with him for 8 years and it is you who know him best and should think with a cool head about what to do. People like me whom you don't even know can just give you some options to think like but can never take decisions for you. Good luck

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4. 62

   lawrettaposted 14 years ago

   Eight years is too long a time to be engaged to a man. I think something is fishy but he still wants to hold on to you. if you are patient and act friendly with him, you will win him back.

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5. 0

   nazishnasimposted 14 years ago

   I want to be objective here but I can't. Eight years is hell lot of time. If he's worried about financial issues for kids then sure get married and don't have kids for a while. If there is enough love then a shelter, a bed and 3 meals a day with a few clothes to cover up would be more than fine for you two. Plus, if he's supporting himself then your addition shouldn't really bother him. I'd say, talk it out with him; get married or end it.

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6. 59

   logic,commonsenseposted 14 years ago

   He was not commited to the relationship.  Without an anchor he began to drift.
   If I had to guess, he found someone new, fresher in his eyes.
   Sorry to hear about the breakup, it is always sad to see.
   On the otherhand, you were lucky to find out before marriage and kids.
   You also have a great opportunity to find someone even better!
   
   Good luck!

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7. 75

   Eaglekiwiposted 14 years ago

   I am sure he has his reasons ,good or bad but stil his,so the thing to do is ask yourself this
   
   What do I want out of this relationship?
   Do I have a timeline ? to expect changes that will affect me?
   Am I ok with this arrangement? ( he has already stated he is ok)
   What about you ?
   If you dont want this arrangement ,tell him so.
   Be strong this kind of decision affects you both so you have to make some decisions too.
   
   Its not about ultimatums ,its about how this affects you both, and not just him.
   
   Personally it doesnt matter what I think because in the end it will be you going through this ,and you know yourself better than anyone else.
   Be Strong , Your emotions and well being matter too.
   If he is  committed to wanting the relationship , your decision will give him a wake up call.
   If he not committed by now , then he wont be next week or next month ( but you will be walking on eggshells ,never really knowing)

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8. 57

   Dame Scribeposted 14 years ago

   I hope you are not expected to wait around for eight years people in relationships does build enmeshment and one tends to forget where they themselves are going. Maybe he needs to find that path or navigate a new one. Jus a thought.

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9. 58

   aravindhakshaposted 14 years ago

   julie,
   
   reflect on this quote...
   
   "If you love something,
   set it free;
   If it comes back,
   it is yours;
   If it does not,
   it never was."

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