I have a step son who has some sort of handicapp that he nor his father wants to address he is...
23 yrs old....he goes to work when he wants, does at work and at home as little as he can....his fater thinks we need to continue to help him to maintain his job and home as necessary...I feel we are adding to the problem by always being there to bail him out...he now does not have a car and we had a motorcylce i wanted to sell to help pay bills and his father wants to give it to him as long as necessary to use till he can afford anoter car this is the same bike we bought and he was to pay for and did not...my question is when does helping him stop
I have a friend who went through the same thing with her son. It sounds like maybe he's lost in a way, like he's in his own world and can't see past himself. If I had a little more information I could really say. But I also think because I'm close to his age I might be able to provide a different perspective. He sounds a lot like my friend's son, does he have really bad mood swings? Because it's possible that he's bipolar.
Part of it too, is that if he feels that you guys will always be there to take care of him, why should he take care of himself. I know a guy in his 30s that still has Mommy cleaning up after him and bailing him out of jail constantly. So it could be as simple as making him grow up and take care of himself or as complicated as getting him counseling and putting him on medication.
Either way do a little research on webmd and see if they can't give you some kind of diagnosis and then take him to the doctor to see if he is ok. And if he is ok then talk to him about his future and get him motivated to move out. I hope that helps some.
I think you have a couple of different issues there. One is any disability (or even depression) that he may have. He may actually be trying to do what he should be doing, but if he has some disability or depression that makes it difficult for him to do what he should be doing; there's not much he can do about. With regard to helping a person with a disability or depression, I pretty much think most parents ought to do what they can to try to help their kid get on his feet. (He's only 23. Even a healthy 23-year-old can have trouble getting on his feet these days.)
I think helping him is his mother's and father's job, though. I don't think it's really right for anyone to expect you to kick in on helping him. He's not your kid. Understanding that your wife would want to help him is another thing.
If he has no way to get to work without transportation, maybe it's reasonable for his father to hope you'll let him use it (if you're not using it). If you bought it, though, and if the deal was that he'd pay you for it; nobody could blame you for wanting to sell it. If he's going to use it for getting to work I think you should expect him to start paying for it out of each paycheck (even if it's a small but regular payment). If he's already getting himself to work (when he goes) or isn't going to use the thing to get to work, then I think you ought tell him he can start kicking in some money or you'll need to sell it.
If he's got something like depression, his parents could tell him he needs to get professional help. Maybe if he's get that and sticks with it, you'd feel better about giving him a little more time with the motorcycle.. There's not a simple answer if a kid (and he IS still a kid) has some disability or problem like depression.
It should have stopped when he was 13. However, it sounds as though he has not been equipped or trained to be a man. His father enables him and as such the burden is still yours to train him. Encourage your husband to take the time now to train his 23 year old boy to be a man.
I have helped a lot of people by allowing them to stay in my home when they are in hard times. The main thing I realized is that 90% of the time nothing changes in the way they live unless it is demanded by me. They are at a wronng state of mind, thats why they ended up homeless and needing help. We loved them all but had to make and enforce help with exspences and move out dates or help was very limited.
I would say pray for your husband that he will see that he is keeping his son cripled. By praying and trusting God to move your husband will not be fighting your responces as much and Holy Spirit will get to him.
Even myself need to see things as a desperate need before I will take action to change things in my own life and the lives of others
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