He still wants to be friends even though I was so mean?

1. 48

   junegirlposted 14 years ago

   I have an online friend. He used to like me a lot, he sent gifts, I was mean to him then he sent gifts again, then I was mean again, but he sent another gifts.
   
   I'm from the Philippines, in my 30s, he has plenty of filipina chatmates who are too young for him, he is 44 yrs old.
   
   I was too mean, I thought he gave up on me, but still he wants to be friends? Well, crazy but I felt jealous that he talks to very young women, we have lots in common/interest/ we're on the same page. he was fooled by his ex pinay gf who is too young for him too.
   
   I dont know why he wants to be friends again, do I continue talking to him?
   
   He is always my priority online, but I am not his priority he has many very young chatmates from the Phils. He doesnt want to have relationship online coz he learned his lessons coz he was fooled, His age preference is 18-31. I asked him about it, he said it doesnt matter.
   
   We've been talking for more than a year already but he is busy with his business. Do I give up on him?
   
   There are many men but too old for me, his age is appropriate for me. I am the only gal in her 30s he talks to, and everybody is way too young for him.
   
   He webcams a lot with these girls. I told him what does he has in common with young women, some are old enough to be his daughter.
   
   He collect girls he said he is just pals and will never have an online gf anymore, he wants to meet his chatmates in person but not all of them.
   
   In person I am not bad, I am flawed sure. I called him many names like lolita lover, player but still he still wants to be friends?
   
   What do you think?

   replyreport
   1. 69

      Pensive Pagesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If he makes it clear he wants to be friends, sure! be friends! But dont ever try to make something out of it that he clearly does not want. My best advice: stay friends, but don't be afraid to go out and meet other people!

      replyreport
   2. 60

      Olyenkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Junegirl,
      
      You know the answer yourself. Stop fulling your emotions and lying to yourself. Do not waste your precious energy just like that.
      
      Clearly state to your 'friend' what is it that you want of him and why. If he does not agree or he does not meet your expectations, close the relationships and get on with your life.
      
      Most importantly - start being honest with yourself.

      replyreport
2. 65

   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   I don't have experience with chat room friendships; but from what I know about, it looks to me as if he's just socializing online (and maybe thinking he'll meet a potential girlfriend along the way).   People who talk with other people, and build online friendships, don't necessarily care how old friends are.  Maybe he's just got that certain age-range in mind because he thinks he's more likely to have something in common with people younger than, say, 40 (and maybe he's got it in mind that as long as he'd be open to finding a girlfriend he may as well rule out everyone over a certain age).
   
   Online or off, we all tend to have people we socialize with, as friends, but know they're not people we'll have have any romantic relationship with.  For the most part, anyone we know and talk with is pretty much a friend unless/until we decide we'll become more than friends.
   
   It just seems to me he's someone who has an online social life, and he's decided you're someone he has "ruled out" as a potential girlfriend.  (At least he's someone who is smart enough not to want to be "just friends" with someone who has been "mean" to him.  He probably enjoys having some conversations with you, in view of the fact that you seem to have hit it off in the past; which is probably why he's decided you make a good friend but not a potential girlfriend (at least not for him).
   
   People are friends with people of all ages.  People who'll post their pictures (one kind of another) and be on web cam online do so for any number of reasons; but that gets into the "it's their business" thing.
   
   If you can't be a friend without being jealous of the other girls/women he's friends with (or more than friends with), maybe your best bet would be to "be too busy" (find another chat room and another friend). That's always a good way to back off socializing with someone without hurting their feelings and without destroying the chance to talk with them once occasionally if you still want to.  This is just my guess, but I think if you're looking for a potential boyfriend, this guy probably isn't one to keep focusing on.  If you can be his friend without being jealous then enjoy having him as a friend online.

   replyreport
   1. 48

      junegirlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      We met on a dating site.
      
      He said he never send these women gifts except me, do you think he still likes me?

      replyreport
      1. 60

         Olyenkaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Junegirl,
         you are clearly mixing material value with emotional value here. Can your emotions of a younger woman be bought with presents? which have no value to the person on the other end?

         replyreport