Why do family members have so many problems after the death of a loved one?
Inheritances seem to cause huge problems, literally tearing families apart. How can a once loving family become so blinded?
A death of a loved one is a dramatic change for some families, especially if it is someone head of a family or one all are very fond of. It is an absence never to be replaced and may never be the same.
First of all the emotional loss is huge when a family member dies and quite often no one is thinking as clearly as they might if not under stress/grief. Those left are the ones to make all after-death decisions as to burial, place, etc. and quite often everyone has a different idea of how this should be handled which can cause great dissention among family members. Then there's the deceased's property which is often a bone of contention whether there's a Will or not. If some family members feel slighted or left out as to the deceased's belongings and how they're doled out this can cause family tension for many years. Once loving families can become riddled with grief, dissention and yes, greed. Inheritance is usually the biggest problem even if all family members knew who gets what before the person dies. It's gone on since the beginning of time and if there's a solution, ie. putting a loving family back together I've seen it but rarely -- and it's so very sad.
Grief by itself stirs up negative emotions like fear, anger, hostility. Add to that the love of money which make people irrational. It might not be so bad if the money issue could be shelved until they all get sane again.
There are other reasons besides inheritances to tear families apart and one of them is when the loved one took his/her life. At that point there are mixed feelings working together - with the grief comes the desperation, the guilt, the question what if... This is the worst cenario.. It takes a long time to find the path of peace, compassion and love, acceptance.
I think endings are the hardest things to do - epecially for us in the west, who invest in staying young and avoiding the gracefulness of old age. All of our cultural drivers seem to be around maintaining things around us and within us and trying not to think about the time-limited nature of everything. Consequently we become obsessed with trying to control things, sometimes to the effect that we don't enjoy what we have.
I think the families that have most problems with money and things following a death are the families that are most interested in things, rather than relationships. People invest huge amounts of time ingratiating themselves with older members to try and "get" things from them after their death. The aquisition is the important things rather than the person.
A previous partner had parents like this and it made me feel disgusted to see how they treated his grandfather - I thank god I didn't marry into that family!
This is so true. I was attending a memorial service for a friend's mother today. At one point she stood at the pulpit with her older brother and sister, for some reason I thought she would have a very hard time with these people even if she was the one looking after her mother. It happens in most families and it can be sad to watch. Sometimes (many times) it is over possessions, but at other times it is because a family is really not all that together. When my paternal grandparents died (5 years apart), there were no fight over anything. It is outsiders who fought us about different things, our family remained intact. There has not been a death in the family that set us against one another, even if a few have had the potential but the unity and respect we had for one another exceeded that. Most of the conflicts arise because of possessions and one cannot say whether those who are richer or poorer suffer more from that. It is just a human thing to want more for ourselves than for others. I hope my friend will be fine with her family. For families like this, the conflict would arise more so from blaming one another for not caring when they should have or for not caring enough! We fight because somehow behind our minds we are angry and feel like we can stop death. It is not so much the death that causes trouble but the fact that we are helpless over it...
by Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 17 months ago
What makes you proud of your family members?
by syras mamun 9 years ago
I would like to know that in your opinion which type of problem has no solutions.I think all problem has a solution.If there were no solution problem would not manifested in front of us.
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