How can you break a habit of yelling at your kids?
Yelling is not an effective way to get your point across or discipline. How can you stop yelling if you do it all the time? Can you help someone else stop yelling?
I'm not too sure about anyone else but I find when I get my childrens' attention it helps. Try getting down to their level and securing eye contact. If I kneel down and make sure I have eye contact, I get much better results and without having to raise my voice.
The eyes are the window to the soul.
The tried and tested method of counting up to twenty. This helps in calming you down. Take a few deep breaths and you are ready to think clearly. Most parents won't scream if they can control themselves at the crucial moment.
I feel your pain! This is the one area that I am continually working on. I sat my boys down and told them that I was tired of yelling and repeating and they expressed that they were definitely tired of hearing it. I told them that I had a plan that would mean no more yelling for me or them! We all agreed that we wanted a quieter, calmer home. When I say something to them or ask something of them and they ignore me, I issue one warning in the same calm tone. If they still blow me off then the TV, video game, computer, etc that is distracting them will be taken away for an hour. I had to do this quite a few times and first but now it works pretty good..most of the time. I'm still working on my inpulse control though. Good Luck
Yelling only teaches them to yell to be heard and also they develop a tolerance for it and still don't listen. Don't react from your gut when someone makes you mad, stop, take a deep breath and remember you are the adult.
I'm not generally a yeller, I spoke quietly to them. Or got off my behind and walked over to them to tell them to stop doing something. I hate to see parents yell and threaten and yell some more. Tell the child once, then get up and go to them and see to it that they stop whatever they are doing that is wrong. Do it before anyone gets mad.
I also always told them to please look at me when I am taking to them. I also would tell them if they got a little owly with me, that "You know, your dad and I don't talk to you like that so do not talk to me like that." It generally worked.
Yelling should be reserved for am emergency if they are doing something dangerous.
I don't know about helping someone else from yelling, but the trick that has worked the best for us is to count. Basically we make the task at hand a game. We challenge them with, "can you finish before I count to ... "(fill in the blank depending on the task). Then if they beat the timer, you can celebrate with them (high five or something like that). It has cut down most of the yelling, and the yelling that still happens is becoming more and more rare. As long as we remember to start off with specific instructions and a time that is easy to complete then all is good. Of course, our son is 6, so I am not sure if it would work for older kids.
I'm Jewish. We yell. We're loud. It's just who we are. But in my mother's warped world, she calls it "healthy yelling."
Sure, we want to remain calm and quiet and controlled, and we don't have to yell about everything, but it's okay to yell periodically, as long as it doesn't become abusive or your only method of communication. A few quiet words from my dad saying, "You know, you really hurt your mother," can be more powerful than any of my mother's rants. Do I yell at my kids? Yes. But more often, I talk to them calmly and tell them, if they don't listen and move from the computer, the TV, the Wii, or whatever, they lose the privilege. It works.
Children don't have to grow up thinking everything they do deserves an award, a medal, a trophy. You don't have to be perfect all the time, and life does get messy. That's when you may end up yelling. Pick your battles and don't become abusive. The rest of the time, step back for a moment and find a healthy way to communicate.
When your child makes you angry and you find yourself about to yell, stop, breathe and count in your head if need be. Then respond to the situation. Breathing calms us down and gives us a moment to think about a civil response.
If they are ignoring you, take whatever is taking away their focus i.e. headphones, video game or television. Depending on the severity of situation perhaps grounding them from that privilege for a while insuring they pay attention when you talk to them.
Yelling is a habit and we have to relearn the way we speak to our kids.
Oddly enough, if you whisper, they pay more attention than they do when you yell.
When you do it appologize afterwards, doing this will let them know that it's not something they should do and having to say you're sorry everytime will make you more mindful of it and less likely to keep it up.
by David78 7 years ago
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