jump to last post 1-9 of 9 discussions (22 posts)

Should my rich uncle help pay medical bills for his sick sister?

  1. rfranklin09 profile image49
    rfranklin09posted 8 years ago

    My uncle is very capable money-wise to help out my aunt who has a lot of medical problems and bills. He is a millionnaire. It is sad that my uncle will not lift a hand to help my aunt pay for her meds, household bills, really whatever she needs.  My mother and other aunts and uncles are disgusted with him. This was the man that I looked up too but not anymore.  He has really disappointed me.  What is your opinion of my situation?

  2. profile image0
    Justine76posted 8 years ago

    it stinks when someone you look up to letsyou down, but you need to remember, its not your problem. as mad as you may get, its between them. good luck

  3. Misha profile image75
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    You shouldn't count money in foreign pocket.

    1. Ivorwen profile image73
      Ivorwenposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Great advice Misha.

      It is your uncles money, not the families.

      I have an aunt who has tried to get money from nearly every member of the family for her bills at one time or another.  She thinks her siblings all have more than she does because their bills are paid and they own thing of value.  In reality, she spends on her fun instead of paying her bills.

      1. rfranklin09 profile image49
        rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

        You have to remember my aunt is handcapped and on disability. She has very little income coming in. I just think if you are able to help because you can afford it then you should for family. This is his sister. Don't get me wrong I don't want him to support the entire family.

    2. Anamika S profile image56
      Anamika Sposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with Misha. If your Uncle is willing then let him pay but you cannot force him. Otherwise its his own Money and he has the right to do what he wants.

      There are several Organizations who help out people like your aunt and it would be a good idea to approach them.

  4. Paradise7 profile image83
    Paradise7posted 8 years ago

    I know what I think but it's what your uncle thinks that counts.  He might have a reason you don't know.  Or, he could be just a really kinda miserly sort.  After all, it's his sister.

    But really, that Misha thing...it's your uncle's money.  He does what he thinks right with it.  No one else can say a word about his dispositions, in fairness to him.  I can't tell anyone what to do with what's theirs, personally.

    1. rfranklin09 profile image49
      rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Uhm...you can look at it that way because it is his money. I guess I will always be bothered by it. Your point of view is making me think about the situation more. I really thought I would be bombarded with "he should definitely help your aunt" and you know what it is on him. It's his money and his actions will be on him. My family and I will probably just have to let it go.

  5. Pearldiver profile image81
    Pearldiverposted 8 years ago

    It is amazing how common it is that one person's good fortune is potentially hijacked by family members who have realisticly had the same life opportunities; but have worked toward different desires. sad

    To post such a question in a public forum; shows that you are completely out of touch with the basic rule of investing; Never spend your principle; spend only a % of your interest, of which you can gain tax advantage on. smile

    Surely the passion that you have on this issue would drive YOU to pay the bills? hmm

    1. rfranklin09 profile image49
      rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It's little extreme to say that the family is hijacking his good fortune. That is definitely not the case. Noone has ever asked him for anything until now because my aunt is sick and the medical bills are piling up.

      You are right the passion I have has committed me to give to my aunt a monetary gift to help her and I am a single parent taking care of my bills and in no debt.

  6. Lisa HW profile image72
    Lisa HWposted 8 years ago

    There's at least the chance he has committed his money to things he's not saying (because he thinks it's his own business).  There's the chance he doesn't have as much to spare as some think he does.

    Also, there's the chance that he believes his sister wouldn't want him supporting her.  Maybe he thinks she needs to have her own life, receive whatever income she receives, get whatever assistance is available to her for things like medication, and live where she can afford to live on whatever her income is.  Maybe he believes (or even knows) that his sister wouldn't really want to make a "lifestyle" based on help from him...   Maybe his sister has said or done something to create problems in the relationship.  Maybe he's just a jerk.   Just some thoughts.  (I agree with Misha's thing too, though.)

    1. rfranklin09 profile image49
      rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the thoughts Lisa. I know you can't tell anyone what to do with their own money but when you are fortunate enough to help out others, isn't that the humane thing to do?

      1. Lisa HW profile image72
        Lisa HWposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        I agree that it's the humane thing to do, but there are times when it may not be the wisest thing to do.  For example, there are people who are "millionaires" on paper only and may have to sell something that offers them long-term security in order to come up with big cash.  If I understand it right, there's also the thing that if he were to give her money she may lose some or all eligibility she has for disability-type assistance; and that would mean someone may potentially trade having her "own thing" with whatever she's got for money with being completely dependent on others.

        I'm not against anyone who can help helping.  I just know that people don't always know the details of someone's financial situation.  My only thing is that people shouldn't judge him unless he says something like, "Sure, I could help if I wanted to; but I don't want to because I want to keep all my money to myself."  If he doesn't say something like that then nobody knows if he has a million dollars but owes a hundred million dollars in debt.  I just think there's more to his story than people know.

  7. Len Cannon profile image89
    Len Cannonposted 8 years ago

    I do think begging a family member to help save the life of his sister is a little bit different from everyone and their cousin asking for a "loan" to buy a new speedboat or something.

    1. rfranklin09 profile image49
      rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Finally a hint of support for my point of view! Kudos to you Len!

    2. Misha profile image75
      Mishaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Asking him for money to pay the medical bills definitely is different than asking for a luxury item.

      However, feeling entitled to that money is altogether different animal. As Lisa mentioned, he may have a whole bunch of reasons to say no. And whether you think those reasons are legitimate or not, this is his money, and only he knows all the details.

      BTW, question to OP - did your sister actually asked your uncle to help her?

      1. rfranklin09 profile image49
        rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

        My aunt asked him for a new wheelchair and I do believe she asked him to help out on some bills. She is not the type to ask for anything really. I admire her because she is paralzyed from waist down from the removal of a benign tumor but she has not let that stop her from doing anything. She is very independent and stubborn never begging for anything.

        1. Misha profile image75
          Mishaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          Oops, sorry, for some reason i thought it was your sister, not aunt. So, did he help with a wheelchair? And the rest is not clear to me - did she ask and he declined, or she did not ask?

  8. Pearldiver profile image81
    Pearldiverposted 8 years ago

    There is nothing extreme in what I said earlier. It was merely devoid of emotion; which is exactly what you need to leave out of the equaton, if you seek a practical solution!

    Rechannel your emotiveness into practicality and you will deal with the 'problem as you see it' more proactively.

    Set up a trust for that party and rather than harrass the man for his financial support emotionally; ask him to become a trustee on the basis of his practical fiscal ability. hmm

    In that way; you solve a problem if he agrees and you do so in a far more respectful way.

    1. rfranklin09 profile image49
      rfranklin09posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your suggestion of a trust. Never thought about that...thanks...that may be a way to go. I do have a lot of emotions tied into this whole situation. Of course I love my aunt and I want the best for her. I will research the trust idea more and pass it along to my family.

      1. Pearldiver profile image81
        Pearldiverposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        My legal beagles that are on the net and specialise in this sort of work. www.kickarsetowellforyou.com lol

  9. Dame Scribe profile image60
    Dame Scribeposted 8 years ago

    Wow, that's very sad. I can see refusing if she has been constantly asking for $ but if not, then now is time to step up. My parents help my brother when he has chemo and can't pay his mortgage but we somehow manage to come together at times like this. hmm