Should adopted children, as adults, seek out their birth parents?
Birth parents, particularly mothers, may be reluctant to aknowledge the child they gave up for adoption and such records are sealed. Is it an invasion of the birth parents' privacy for adoptive children to demand such aknowledgement?
I was in contact with my biological mother when i reached 18, however it did not work out well, and i wish i had took the offer of counselling before hand to prepare me. I do not think it is an invasion of privacy, i think it is only natural to want to know where you came from.
I have an adopted son. He was told that if he wanted to search for his birth mother, my wife and I would help him. He thought about it for awhile. He was adopted in New Orleans and almost all the vital records were destroyed during Katrina. I am not even sure we could find her if we wanted.
He is 28 now and has not express any interest in looking for her.
Regardless, two things have to be considered.
1. Do you really want to meet her.
2. Do you really think she wants to see you.
Sometimes there are fairytale endings, but mostly, the spouse does not know the child exists and she does not think she can face family and friends with you.
Determine what is to be gained by making contact.
I think it is terrible for people not to know where they come from, it's a question of identity. I strongly believe adopted parents must tell the truth to their babies as soon as they grow up as it is difficult to accept it if they are old. I know a case of a boy who learnt about being adopted at the age of 12 and it was terrible for him. The boy, instead of being happy with those parents who gave him the best, he rejected them just for mantaining this lie.
I have an older half-brother out there. He was born in northern New York state. My mother did not have an option to keep him, but was forced to go to an unwed mothers' home, where she basically worked like a maid for a couple. She has tried to find him. Sadly, records are sealed to the birth parents and siblings. I and my siblings desparately want to meet him. We have a loving, fun family and long to welcome him and, if he has his own family, his family.
Having said that, I don't think this is a "should" or "should not" issue. Rather, an issue of what one's heart is prepared to do.
I have sympathy for your plight. There are many registries that try to match parents & children. Some are free, some are not. Do a Google search on the subject. In most cases both the birth parent and child have to be registered and want to be fo
It depends on the child. I was adopted at birth by closed adoption and felt like my adopted family was a perfect fit. I know who my birthmother was and even have her picture. My adopted mom signed papers to open the records should I want to do it. I also know I have several half-siblings and how to contact them. My adoptive parents as well as my birthmom are all deceased now. 30 years ago, I registered w/ Soundex International in case anyone on her side wished to open the file. Out of respect to my birthmom's surviving husband, I have not agressively tried to make contact with anyone- yet. If a child feels the need to meet a birthmom, I say, "Go for it!" If the result is less than expected, then let it go!
by Dawn Michael 7 years ago
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by colp 8 years ago
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by Escobana 6 years ago
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by Becki Rizzuti 5 years ago
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by Simone Sander 4 years ago
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