I need some good advice! What should I DO?

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   sassydeeposted 13 years ago

   I need some good advice!  What should I DO?
   
   this morning my 14 yr old daughter came to me and told me that my nephew who is 13 yrs old peer pressured her this morning to smoke weed with him.  It broke my heart because I talk to her about peer pressure and bad effects of doing drugs, all the time. I also was very upset because I pick up my nephew and keep him with me because my sister is a single parent who has to work a lot.  I already knew that he was going down the wrong road but I figure if I show him how much I care and love him and occupy his time that eventually HE will choose a different path.  I feel like I let down my daughter.
   
   

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2. 61

   chef-de-jourposted 13 years ago

   Sometimes it's very tricky to know what to do as a parent when loved ones - especially daughters - are involved. You've put so much time and effort into raising them right you feel like rock bottom when you find out what they've been up to.
   I'm a father of two teenage sons and I've had some interesting times trying to dissuade one of them from a certain habit he got into.
   You have to calmly and sincerely approach both of these young people and try to get things out in the open, especially for the young nephew and his mother's sake. I found keeping things under wraps was not the way forward. I think you should get talking, quietly and helpfully, with everyone concerned. The sooner the better.
   You'll start to feel better, your sister will appreciate you clearing the air and the young people involved will listen up because you care. Keep at it, persist and try to gain trust all round.
   I wish you well. You have to get this issue out in the open but you'll need tact and understanding. Eventually you may need an agreement of sorts, verbal or otherwise.

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3. 61

   sethpowersposted 13 years ago

   It's not your fault. You can't control the decisions of other human beings, even (and probably especially) those of teenagers. Your daughter chose to experiment on her own volition. If it was a mistake, then she probably won't do it again. If it wasn't a mistake then she will and that's ok because it's her choice. Whatever happens, neither of them are doing it because of something you have failed to do. Love your daughter no matter what she does and explain to her that you disapprove of what her cousin is doing. It's a good sign that she came to confess to you, which indicates that she obviously felt guilty and believes enough in the relationship you have to confide in you. Don't let her down by being unempathetic.

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   1. 68

      sassydeeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      it was really hard to pick a  best answer almost all of the answers some what gave me the same message thank you all for the great advice

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4. 85

   sadie423posted 13 years ago

   I think it says a lot about your daughter that she came to you and told you. I hope you gave her credit for that. Communication is key. All of you- your daughter, nephew and sister need to sit down and talk. New rules need to be formed until trust can be regained. Kids make mistakes but they need to learn that there are consequences for those mistakes- such as loss of privileges and freedoms. Yelling and angry punishments probably will do nothing, but clear, matter of fact consequences and love should help steer him back on track.

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   1. 68

      sassydeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      wow thank you all for your great advice you give better advice than my signicant other thumbs up to you all!

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5. 62

   Ramsa1posted 13 years ago

   Talk to your sister about her son and stop babysitting him. Tough, I know, but your daughter is your first priority. Your sister has to do whatever it takes to get her son on the right path, and that's her job, not yours.
   
   Your nephew is a terrible influence. You and your daughter should start associating with better people.

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6. 59

   Chen Suenposted 13 years ago

   Your nephew ultimately is your sister's responsibility.  I commend you for trying to help her out.  There is only so much you or your sister can do.  Unfortunately, the majority of his influence is at school, and it is a shame that he has brought it home.  I would have to agree with some of the other comments and separate your daughter and nephew.  Work it out with your sister and figure something out.  I wouldn't necessarily abandon your sister and nephew all of a sudden, but you have to take care of your daughter.  I also commend you on trying to educate her as best as possible.  She will, in the end, make her own decisions.  I feel that the fact that she came to you with this information shows a lot from your parenting.  You guys seem to have a great relationship.  Continue that.  You're doing the best you can she you shouldn't feel that you let her down even though it's natural. 
   
   Good luck and take care!

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7. 86

   Angel198625posted 13 years ago

   First of all, don't feel bad or beat yourself up.  You did not let down your daughter.  Some times, children will do things regardless of how their parents (or aunts) try to prevent them from doing it.  You are obviously a wonderful mother, who has raised an exceptional daughter that feels comfortable talking to you about such things, which is great.  Not all parents can say honestly that their children would come and tell them about things.  Try to seperate and supervise them a little more.  Not saying that you aren't supervising them, just that maybe when he is with you guys you could try to do things with all three of you more.  Try to avoid having your daughter around him as much when you are not there.  Also, take this as a learning opportunity.  Talk to your daughter about what happened, why she would up smoking weed, how it made her feel, and ways that she can avoid giving in to peer pressure now.  Peer pressure will always be there, and, even if you completely seperate yourself from your nephew, your daughter will still come across it again.  Use this as a chance for her to learn.  Talk to your sister about it.  If she doesn't talk to your nephew, ask her if you can.  Good luck, and I'm sure it will all work out

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   1. 68

      sassydeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thank you angel and I already did everything you mentioned and everything is ok for now thanks again to everyone

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