How to reassure your toddler when you have more than one child?

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   brittvan22posted 13 years ago

   How to reassure your toddler when you have more than one child?
   
   Ok, well my sister's bday is coming up Monday and everytime I do something for my sister my daughter expresses her dislike. However, I'm now Mom to my sister, too. How do I divide my love so each child feels loved equally?
   
   

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2. 80

   KevinTimothyposted 13 years ago

   Since you cannot exactly "pull back" love from one to give to the other. I find that training yourself to become more selfless will help with this in your home.  As a father of five it works surprisingly well.

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      brittvan22posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your input, Father of five, I thought you were like 19 lol, thanks once again.

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   Motherbynatureposted 13 years ago

   First, I commend you for being a sister-mother.  You were very brave and selfless to answer that call.
   
   I have 5 children.  My first 2 were born a year apart and so were my last 2.  If you are looking to do something that will totally stop your daughter from showing any signs of jealousy, forget it.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Competitiveness is natural to humans and it doesn't mean that you are not doing a good job of tending to the needs of either child.  Siblings will show some kind of jealousy toward one another for the rest of their lives.
   
   For myself, I try to focus more on making sure that I have a unique and special bond with each child.  For my oldest daughter (13) it's nail art.  That's what we do.  One of my sons loves music so I spend time sharing different artists with him and he shares some of his with me.  My other son loves cars so when we take drives we always keep a lookout for classic cars and talk about them and the paint jobs, chrome, etc.  Find something for each girl that can be "your thing" together.  You will drive yourself crazy trying to eradicate signs of jealousy.  I made that mistake as a young mother.

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      brittvan22posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing, I will definitely try that, you saved at least 3 years of heartache.

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      Motherbynatureposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for voting my answer as best. Love and luck to you and your girls

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      brittvan22posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      In my opinion it was the most helpful!

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   annerivendellposted 13 years ago

   I agree with Motherbynature, and I would also appeal to your daughter's empathy (although she may be too young, you don't say how old she is) With my children, I'd ask them to play a game with me. "Close your eyes tight, and pretend it's your birthday today (Or you're feeling unwell or whatever) Now, tell me, are you excited? (Sad?) "Do you need a cuddle? or "Are you hoping you might get a gift or a treat?  Don't just ask "how do you feel?" because children often find that question difficult to understand. Be specific, as above. Then I would explain why their sibling was getting more attention, or a gift or treat, today-and that next time, it will be their turn. It worked more often than it failed-and they've grown up without much sibling jealously between them. And yes, I also agree with Motherbynature in her commending of you. That takes bravery and love in equal measure.

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