As a parent, if your teenage daughter wanted to date a boy from a poorer background, would you
forbid it? The premise here is that boys from poorer backgrounds have absolutely nothing to offer girls from more affluent backgrounds. In essence, it would be a losing battle to say the least. Going to movies and other activities involve monies which such boys do not simply have. Furthermore, if something disastrous would occur, he would not have the socioeconomic wherewithal to get her out of a difficult situation. In addition to the aforementioned instances, boys from poorer socioeconomic background often have diametrically opposite goals, aspirations, and desires.
can i answer this question even though i'm not a parent? for me, whether a person is rich or not, what's important is his/her attitude and family values. How his family brought him up so well and how responsible he is towards himself and to others. Would you rather date a rich boy/girl who's spoiled, proud and only cares for himself or a boy/girl who is simple, responsible, true, cannot offer you the whole word but a kind hearted one?
Well, I understand your premise on this issue, to put it succinctly poor boys have absolutely nothing to offer more affluent girls. They have nothing in common and such relationships are doomed from the start and considered to be an utter waste!
Do something about it. Work harder to win her parents' trust. If you really want to be with someone, you make extra effort for that person because of love. What matters in the end is the person WHO you are right now, not WHAT you have been made of.
It is SO DETRIMENTAL for an affluent girl to date a poor boy. First of all, the affluent girl will change for THE WORSE. She is more likely to adopt the poor boy's stance/attitude towards life which is often quite negative in nature.
I'm answering this question, and I'm not a parent....yet. If my teenage daughter was so hung up on someone's position in life that she couldn't see people for their real worth, then I screwed up. I am a boy from a "poorer socioeconomic background." Today, I'm a senior network engineer for a Fortune 500 company. My wife married me when I was but a poor sailor in the Navy. It's not a person's station in life, it's what they are willing to do to make things better for themselves. If my daughter was dating the son of a poor dirt farmer, and had good character and a desire to be a better person, I might just give him the money to take her to a movie myself. Money is the WORST indicator of a person's character.
Well, YOU are the minute exception to poor boys who become wildly successful. The average poor boy does not have the drive nor care about bettering himself. Poor boys are harmful all around- a liability which only depreciates as time passes!
gmwilliams, I think it is pretty ignorant to assume all poor people have no ambition.
Not all but the majority of poor people, particularly in the United States, do not have any ambition. They are content living from hand to mouth. They also have a passive attitude towards life and disdain any type of ambition or success!
What kind of disastrous situation could two teenagers get into that requires a heap of money to rescue them? That's our job as parents.
My daughter will be dating boys based on their character (I hope) and not the size of their bank accounts.
Now YOU figure that out. If a girl gets into an indelicate situation while dating a poor boy, she is up a creek without a paddle. This poor boy CANNOT HELP her get out of the morass but an AFFLUENT boy can! Poor boys spell TROUBLE, simple!
So she should date wealthy boys who run around knocking women up and encouraging them to get abortions? Does not sound like a man with much character to me.
A poor boy is like an albatross and a painful toothache, who needs it and get rid of it! No affluent girl in her thinking mind would ever want to date a poor boy! He simply cannot has nothing to offer now and in the future! Avoid him !
I understand the situation you are describing, but forbidding a child to see someone based on their socioeconomic status is giving a terrible message.
1) I hope I raised my daughters to look beyond a young man's economic situation.
2) Forbidding a child to see a person she is fond of is creating a no-win situation for everyone.
3) if she were to stay with the young man from a poorer background, she is still a member of our family and we would be there to help either on one of them if they were in dire straits.
4) I disagree that boys from poorer socioeconomic background would have different goals, aspirations and desires. I think to assume they do not want the same things we all do because he is poor is not necessarily the case.
So no, I would not forbid it.
Duffsmom, while I understand your premise, the average poor boy has no long term goals and aspirations. The average poor boy gets nowhere in life while the average affluent girl has high aspirations and goals. Poor boys are just a bad bet period!
gmwilliams you are a sociologist and your outlook is disappointing. Do you not believe that there are exceptions? Is there no hope that someone can rise above their upbringing? Then you believe in a stratified society - a form of prejudice--no?
I am being totally realistic here. Most poor people do not rise above their socioeconomic level. They are content being where they are. They have a mindset which precludes achievement and success. This phenomena is the culture of poverty!
Would you say then that no one should date, marry or entertain anyone outside of their "class?" Your take on this is so troubling to me.
Why would I forbid my child to have the opportunity to experience what true love is?
I never understood people who would do this to their own children. We are not thousands of years ago anymore, so I hope more and more parents who still tend to do this realise this.
The only thing that should matter is whether the partner makes my child happy. Once they all will have a job (hopefully!) so money will be no problem. Otherwise, I would help them if I could.
Sadly, I think money matters way tooooooo much in our society than it should - people think it is more important than those values that REALLY matter, like love, health, etc.
Money is THE IMPORTANT COMPONENT in society. Without money, one does not survive! No one should settle and only strive for the best and that should include relationships. An affluent girl would be totally unwise if she dated a poor boy!
Who said it is NOT important?
From your comment I see what I have said before: people pay way too much attention to it, it is much more important than anything else.
It's not the money that matters, but the feelings and a possible intellectual gap.
Why not. Poor boys may only have no money to offer more affluent girls but they can have the heart and mind that sums up a good character. Dating is only to know each other and it's up to us parents to teach them what's right and not. Dating does not necessarily have to spend a lot; sometimes the simplest activities of eating popcorn and sitting at the park talking can be most memorable.
The sense that a girl would want to date even a poor boy means there is something in him that she likes. To me, the good treatment we as parents show the boy can be so valuable to him and in turn will take good care of our daughter so he does not break our trust. This can even encourage him to strive in life that he may have something to offer the girl he has his eyes on.
Yeah I have to say, I've dated "well off" men and they all had entitlement issues. They are used to getting what they order, so they buy you dinner and expect first date sex. I prefer men with character built by having a normal life.
C'mon now, sitting in the park and eating popcorn and holding holds will only get a date so far. THAT becomes QUITE TIRED after a while and poor boy gets dumped in favor of a more acceptable and affluent date-AFFLUENT BOY wins HAND DOWN!
Sorry, but I'm engaged to a man you'd consider "poor". I dated many wealthy men and not a one of them had any character or personality. Just spoiled selfish brats.
There are plenty of wealthy men with character and personality! What are you talking about? Don't you want the best for yourself! Smart dating is the name of the game!
I do want the best for myself. That's why I am with a man who loves my children rather than seeing them as a problem. And I never dated a wealthy man with character or personality. They're hiding I suppose?
I would rely on her judgement. The more you say no, the more dating behind your back would occur anyway. To measure a person based on another families income is just wrong!
Yes, say no and explain the negative consequence of your daughter dating such a boy. I , for one, see no positive outcome whatsoever in a dating match between an aflluent girl and a poor boy! This boy has NOTHING TO OFFER your daughter !
You're assuming, because the boy's family isn't affluent, that the boy will Never be successful. I taught my kids not to stereo type!
Yes, in a majority of cases. Boys from poor homes have an entirely different mindset from boys from affluent homes. Boys from poor homes are NOT taught to strive and be successful. They are often inculcated to just settle and just to get by!
@Gmwiiliams, Actually poor boy and girls are more hard worker than spoiled rich kids, they have everything handed to them in a silver platter. @Gmwilliams my grandpa was poor but later own his own business and made 1000s dollars a day.
My oldest daughter dated a boy from a much different (poor if you will) background and I had no issue with this as I really cared about the boy too. The issue was - he had no long term goals and she wanted to go to college. I told her that I felt she would have issues because the intellectual gap was there and when she started working and having a career they would no longer have much in common. She dated the boy for a couple of years...and eventually she grew up and went to college. He is still working at a local restaurant and happy to do so. It wasn't his lack of funds as a young kid - it was that he had no ambition to rise above it. My daughter kind of needed to find that out on her own though.
@gmwilliams - I think you have "eloquently" misunderstood what RealHousewife was trying to say. The daughter stopped dating the boy because he had no long term goals, not because of how, "affluent" he was. It is down right naive to assume that just because someone is poor, that they have no long term goals. There are millions of examples proving you wrong. Maybe you haven't heard of a man called Abraham Lincoln. DESPITE growing up poor he had dreams and goals (CRAZY, HUH!?), and in case you haven't heard, he would later be regarded as one of the greatest U.S. Presidents of all time. I really think your question should be rephrased to, "As a parent, would you let your son date a girl who has your materialistic shallow outlook on life. My answer would be no.
My father-in-law was given up for adoption when he was around 10 and literally was street-poor living on mayo sandwiches (mayo was the only thing between slices). He could not afford college so he enlisted in our military (7th Cav) and was shot and injured during the Korean War. He fell in love a beautiful woman (my mother-in-law), one from a higher socio-economic bracket and although they struggled; they are still married and in their late 70s. There oldest son, Thomas is a medical doctor who spends half his year in Africa working along side the Nobel Prize winner in AIDS research trying to find a cure for AIDs. I think it is a mistake to forbid based on socio-economics; the real issue is if they have a drive for success, are they hungry for success, motivated or just living for the moment. Get to know their personality...
God forbid! I will never allow such relationship to take place. But if I discover she wants to have her way (which I may not be able to undo) i will let it be but warn her in the presence of one or two witnesses (family relations). May be she could reason and retrace her steps before it is too late.
Not all poor people lack motivation! And I would hope I raised a child that could choose someone without running a financial background check first. The assumption that boys need to pay for everything is outdated and sexist to me also.
I have a son, who even though he was not raised in poverty, was also not setting the world on fire with his accomplishments or motivation. Then he met "the girl"! She motivated him to work hard and succeed, now twenty years later they are happy and have a good life.
So assuming that someone’s current socioeconomic status dictates how they will turn out is way off in my opinion. Take a look around you just might see some middle class college educated kids, living at home with mom doing nothing!
I don't have a daughter yet but maybe I could answer this in a daughter's point of view plus I have a niece as well. I'll probably get to know first the guy that she's dating. There are poor people who is willing to study hard, to look for a proper job so that they can have a better future ahead of them. If you see the guy is hard-working and persevering then I guess it's okay for the daughter to date the boy.
money or lack thereof is not the problem... I've met and dealt with males who were more affluent than myself with no ambition. Ambition is not based in money or economics but in personality, support systems and exposure to more than just money.
No. Take it from the once teen age girl who's dad did forbid it. all it did was lead to running away to be with the boy. Getting married behind the parents back. and Not talking to the dad for 8 years later. Forbidding something because of money or anything like that might take you down a road you do not want to go. In the long run by allowing it with terms she will more then likely get board and dump him when can not do the cool stuff she wants to.
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