As a parent, if your teenage daughter wanted to date a boy from a poorer backgro

Jump to Last Post 1-16 of 16 discussions (47 posts)
  1. gmwilliams profile image82
    gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

    As a parent, if your teenage daughter wanted to date a boy from a poorer background, would you

    forbid it?  The premise here is that boys from poorer backgrounds have absolutely nothing to offer girls from more affluent backgrounds.   In essence, it would be a losing battle to say the least.   Going to movies and other activities involve monies which such boys do not simply have.   Furthermore, if something disastrous would occur, he would not have the socioeconomic wherewithal to get her out of a difficult situation.   In addition to the aforementioned instances, boys from poorer socioeconomic background often have diametrically opposite goals, aspirations, and desires.

  2. profile image0
    kiramitanposted 6 years ago

    can i answer this question even though i'm not a parent? for me, whether a person is rich or  not, what's important is his/her attitude and family values. How his family brought him up so well and how responsible he is towards himself and to others. Would you rather date a rich boy/girl who's spoiled, proud and only cares for himself  or a boy/girl who is simple, responsible, true, cannot offer you the whole word but a kind hearted one? smile

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Well, I understand your premise on this issue,  to put it succinctly poor boys have absolutely nothing to offer more affluent girls.    They have nothing in common and such relationships are doomed from the start and considered to be an utter waste!

    2. profile image0
      kiramitanposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Do something about it. Work harder to win her parents' trust. If you really want to be with someone, you make extra effort for that person because of love. What matters in the end is the person WHO you are right now, not WHAT you have been made of.

    3. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      It is SO DETRIMENTAL for an affluent girl to date a poor boy. First of all, the affluent girl will change for THE WORSE. She is more likely to adopt the poor boy's stance/attitude towards life which is often quite negative in nature.

  3. thejeffriestube profile image71
    thejeffriestubeposted 6 years ago

    I'm answering this question, and I'm not a parent....yet. If my teenage daughter was so hung up on someone's position in life that she couldn't see people for their real worth, then I screwed up. I am a boy from a "poorer socioeconomic background." Today, I'm a senior network engineer for a Fortune 500 company. My wife married me when I was but a poor sailor in the Navy. It's not a person's station in life, it's what they are willing to do to make things better for themselves. If my daughter was dating the son of a poor dirt farmer, and had good character and a desire to be a better person, I might just give him the money to take her to a movie myself. Money is the WORST indicator of a person's character.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Well, YOU are the minute exception to poor boys who become wildly successful.   The average poor boy does not have the drive nor care about bettering himself.    Poor boys are harmful all around- a liability which only depreciates as time passes!

    2. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      gmwilliams, I think it is pretty ignorant to assume all poor people have no ambition.

    3. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Not all but the majority of poor people, particularly in the United States, do not have any ambition.  They are content living from hand to mouth.  They also have a passive attitude towards life and disdain any type of ambition or success!

  4. emmy1980 profile image59
    emmy1980posted 6 years ago

    What kind of disastrous situation could two teenagers get into that requires a heap of money to rescue them?  That's our job as parents.

    My daughter will be dating boys based on their character (I hope) and not the size of their bank accounts.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Now YOU figure that out.    If a girl gets into an indelicate situation while dating a poor boy, she is up a creek without a paddle.  This poor boy CANNOT HELP her get out of the morass but an AFFLUENT boy can!  Poor boys spell TROUBLE, simple!

    2. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      So she should date wealthy boys who run around knocking women up and encouraging them to get abortions? Does not sound like a man with much character to me.

    3. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      A poor boy is like an albatross and a painful toothache, who needs it and get rid of it!   No affluent girl in her thinking mind would ever want to date a poor boy!   He simply cannot has nothing to offer now and in the future!  Avoid him !

  5. duffsmom profile image60
    duffsmomposted 6 years ago

    I understand the situation you are describing, but forbidding a child to see someone based on their socioeconomic status is giving a terrible message.

    1) I hope I raised my daughters to look beyond a young man's economic situation.

    2) Forbidding a child to see a person she is fond of is creating a no-win situation for everyone.

    3) if she were to stay with the young man from a poorer background, she is still a member of our family and we would be there to help either on one of them if they were in dire straits.

    4) I disagree that boys from poorer socioeconomic background would have different goals, aspirations and desires.  I think to assume they do not want the same things we all do because he is poor is not necessarily the case.

    So no, I would not forbid it.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Duffsmom, while I understand your premise, the average poor boy has no long term goals and aspirations.   The average poor boy gets nowhere in life while the average affluent girl has high aspirations and goals.  Poor boys are just a bad bet period!

    2. duffsmom profile image60
      duffsmomposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      gmwilliams you are a sociologist and your outlook is disappointing.  Do you not believe that there are exceptions?  Is there no hope that someone can rise above their upbringing? Then you believe in a stratified society - a form of prejudice--no?

    3. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I am being totally realistic here.   Most poor people do not rise above their socioeconomic level.   They are content being where they are.    They have a mindset which precludes achievement and success.   This phenomena is the culture of poverty!

    4. duffsmom profile image60
      duffsmomposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Would you say then that no one should date, marry or entertain anyone outside of their "class?" Your take on this is so troubling to me.

    5. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      People date the same or up, never DOWN.

  6. zsobig profile image84
    zsobigposted 6 years ago

    Never!
    Why would I forbid my child to have the opportunity to experience what true love is?
    I never understood people who would do this to their own children. We are not thousands of years ago anymore, so I hope more and more parents who still tend to do this realise this.
    The only thing that should matter is whether the partner makes my child happy. Once they all will have a job (hopefully!) so money will be no problem. Otherwise, I would help them if I could.
    Sadly, I think money matters way tooooooo much in our society than it should - people think it is more important than those values that REALLY matter, like love, health, etc.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Money is THE IMPORTANT COMPONENT in society.   Without money, one does not survive!   No one should settle and only strive for the best and that should include relationships.   An affluent girl would be totally unwise if she dated a poor boy!

    2. zsobig profile image84
      zsobigposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Who said it is NOT important?
      From your comment I see what I have said before: people pay way too much attention to it, it is much more important than anything else.
      It's not the money that matters, but the feelings and a possible intellectual gap.

  7. Tonipet profile image83
    Tonipetposted 6 years ago

    Why not. Poor boys may only have no money to offer more affluent girls but they can have the heart and mind that sums up a good character. Dating is only to know each other and it's up to us parents to teach them what's right and not. Dating does not necessarily have to spend a lot; sometimes the simplest activities of eating popcorn and sitting at the park talking can be most memorable.
    The sense that a girl would want to date even a poor boy means there is something in him that she likes. To me, the good treatment we as parents show the boy can be so valuable to him and in turn will take good care of our daughter so he does not break our trust. This can even encourage him to strive in life that he may have something to offer the girl he has his eyes on.

    1. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah I have to say, I've dated "well off" men and they all had entitlement issues. They are used to getting what they order, so they buy you dinner and expect first date sex. I prefer men with character built by having a normal life.

    2. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      C'mon now, sitting in the park and eating popcorn and holding holds will only get a date so far.     THAT becomes QUITE TIRED after a while and poor boy gets dumped in favor of a more acceptable and affluent date-AFFLUENT BOY wins HAND DOWN!

    3. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Sorry, but I'm engaged to a man you'd consider "poor". I dated many wealthy men and not a one of them had any character or personality. Just spoiled selfish brats.

    4. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      There are plenty of wealthy men with character and personality!  What are you talking about?   Don't you want the best for yourself!   Smart dating is the name of the game!

    5. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I do want the best for myself. That's why I am with a man who loves my children rather than seeing them as a problem. And I never dated a wealthy man with character or personality. They're hiding I suppose?

  8. profile image0
    screamingposted 6 years ago

    I would rely on her judgement. The more you say no, the more dating behind your back would occur anyway. To measure a person based on another families income is just wrong!

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, say no and explain the negative consequence of your daughter dating such a boy.    I , for one, see no positive outcome whatsoever in a dating match between an aflluent girl and a poor boy!    This boy has NOTHING TO OFFER your daughter !

    2. profile image0
      screamingposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      You're assuming, because the boy's family isn't affluent, that the boy will Never be successful. I taught my kids not to stereo type!

    3. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, in a majority of cases.   Boys from poor homes have an entirely different mindset from boys from affluent homes.  Boys from poor homes are NOT taught to strive and be successful.   They are often inculcated to just settle and just to get by!

    4. profile image50
      janeanrichardsonposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      @Gmwiiliams, Actually poor boy and girls are more hard worker than spoiled rich kids, they have everything handed to them in a silver platter. @Gmwilliams my grandpa was poor but later  own his own business and made 1000s dollars a day.

  9. RealHousewife profile image73
    RealHousewifeposted 6 years ago

    My oldest daughter dated a boy from a much different (poor if you will) background and I had no issue with this as I really cared about the boy too.  The issue was - he had no long term goals and she wanted to go to college.  I told her that I felt she would have issues because the intellectual gap was there and when she started working and having a career they would no longer have much in common.  She dated the boy for a couple of years...and eventually she grew up and went to college.  He is still working at a local restaurant and happy to do so. It wasn't his lack of funds as a young kid - it was that he had no ambition to rise above it.  My daughter kind of needed to find that out on her own though.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      THANK YOU, you have eloquently my premise regarding the issue.   Poor boys are liabilities to the MORE AFFLUENT GIRL.   Such boys simply have opposite goals to that of the more affluent among us.  AFLLUENT GIRLS should only date AFFLUENT BOYS!

  10. securityproducts3 profile image39
    securityproducts3posted 6 years ago

    @gmwilliams - I think you have "eloquently" misunderstood what RealHousewife was trying to say. The daughter stopped dating the boy because he had no long term goals, not because of how, "affluent" he was.  It is down right naive to assume that just because someone is poor, that they have no long term goals. There are millions of examples proving you wrong. Maybe you haven't heard of a man called Abraham Lincoln. DESPITE growing up poor he had dreams and goals (CRAZY, HUH!?), and in case you haven't heard, he would later be regarded as one of the greatest U.S. Presidents of all time. I really think your question should be rephrased to, "As a parent, would you let your son date a girl who has your materialistic shallow outlook on life. My answer would be no.

    1. emmy1980 profile image59
      emmy1980posted 6 years agoin reply to this

      lmao, yeah I'd be horrified if my daughter wanted to date someone like gmwilliams. Frightening.

  11. connorj profile image79
    connorjposted 6 years ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/7071925_f260.jpg

    My father-in-law was given up for adoption when he was around 10 and literally was street-poor living on mayo sandwiches (mayo was the only thing between slices). He could not afford college so he enlisted in our military (7th Cav) and was shot and injured during the Korean War. He fell in love a beautiful woman (my mother-in-law), one from a higher socio-economic bracket and although they struggled; they are still married and in their late 70s. There oldest son, Thomas is a medical doctor who spends half his year in Africa working along side the Nobel Prize winner in AIDS research trying to find a cure for AIDs. I think it is a mistake to forbid based on socio-economics; the real issue is if they have a drive for success, are they hungry for success, motivated or just living for the moment. Get to know their personality...

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Beautiful, loving, and touching story!

  12. micadeolu profile image44
    micadeoluposted 6 years ago

    God forbid! I will never allow such relationship to take place. But if I discover she wants to have her way (which I may not be able to undo) i will let it be but warn her in the presence of one or two witnesses (family relations). May be she could reason and retrace her steps before it is too late.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Micadeolu, you are a woman after my own heart.   Many young girls realize TOO LATE how perilous such a relationship is.   Such girls enter into quite sorrowful situations.     A poor boy can only mean NO GOOD, HARM, and A RUINED FUTURE !

  13. profile image0
    Justsilvieposted 6 years ago

    Not all poor people lack motivation! And I would hope I raised a child that could choose someone without running a financial background check first. The assumption that boys need to pay for everything is outdated and sexist to me also.

    I have a son, who even though he was not raised in poverty, was also not setting the world on fire with his accomplishments or motivation. Then he met "the girl"! She motivated him to work hard and succeed, now twenty years later they are happy and have a good life.

    So assuming that someone’s current socioeconomic status dictates how they will turn out is way off in my opinion. Take a look around you just might see some middle class college educated kids, living at home with mom doing nothing!

  14. sparklingcrystal profile image75
    sparklingcrystalposted 6 years ago

    I don't have a daughter yet but maybe I could answer this in a daughter's point of view plus I have a niece as well. I'll probably get to know first the guy that she's dating. There are poor people who is willing to study hard, to look for a proper job so that they can have a better future ahead of them. If you see the guy is hard-working and persevering then I guess it's okay for the daughter to date the boy.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      In many cases,a poor boy is a risk for an affluent girl.She has been inculcated w/different priorities & life choices than the poor boy.The poor boy in all likelihood will be anti-success & anti-achievement.His goals will be DIVERGENTLY diffe

  15. royalblkrose profile image61
    royalblkroseposted 6 years ago

    money or lack thereof is not the problem... I've met and dealt with males who were more affluent than myself with no ambition. Ambition is not based in money or economics but in personality, support systems and exposure to more than just money.

  16. Trish303 profile image73
    Trish303posted 6 years ago

    No. Take it from the once teen age girl who's dad did forbid it. all it did was lead to running away to be with the boy. Getting married behind the parents back. and Not talking to the dad for 8 years later. Forbidding something because of money or anything like that might take you down a road you do not want to go. In the long run by allowing it with terms she will more then likely get board and dump him when can not do the cool stuff she wants to.

    1. gmwilliams profile image82
      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Trish, excellent answer.   Voted up!

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)