How important is having a father is to you?

1. 64

   soconfidentposted 12 years ago

   How important is having a father is to you?
   
   I didn't grow up around my father and I believe that it made things a little difficult for me. I had to figure out what makes a man on my own.

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2. 61

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   I lost my father when I was 8 and it had a profound effect on me.  I have to admit, my not having a father left a huge hole inside me and I always envied those that have a close relationship with their father.
   
   I'm not sure how I, as a person, would be different if my father had been in my life. It would be interesting to know that.

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   1. 64

      soconfidentposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I wonder the same thing. Would my life turned out a whole lot different.

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3. 75

   Simba73posted 12 years ago

   Hey soconfident,
   i saw this and I'm sure your aware of my plight and I truly cannot answer your question honestly as I have been lucky enough to have my Dad around all my life, and despite the usual family quarrels he has been a rock for me and could not imagine the world without his guidance. Right then to get to the point I will be following this tread from start to finish as it is (as I know your aware) a subject very close to my heart for other reasons .
   Great question I really am interested in the coming comments.
   Take care
   Simba xx

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4. 61

   MindyPickelposted 12 years ago

   I think having or not having a father can you affect you either way.  Lets say you had a father who molested you or beat you every day, that would affect you as well.  In life, I have never met one person who has thought they had a "perfect" childhood.  So we, as humans, learn to adapt and grown thru the circumstances that we found ourselves in.  I'd say not having a father will probably make YOU the best father ever when/if you ever have children.

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5. 74

   bankscottageposted 12 years ago

   Duffsmom, I am sorry for your loss and soconfident it is as tragic that your father wasn't in your life.
   I guess I took for granted my father in my life, because I have focused on my role as a father and being an important part of my son's lives.  That said, I guess my father was a very important part of my life.  I hope I have been as important part of my son's lives.

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6. 85

   peachpurpleposted 12 years ago

   Sorry to hear that. Truth is, dad is equally important as mom in a child's eye. Hence, dad is like a pillar to rely on when you are feeling down and out, especially man to man talk.

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   1. 64

      soconfidentposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I never had that with my father

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7. 66

   WordCrafter09posted 12 years ago

   I think having a solid, loving, good, father is very important; but I tend to think that if a child/teen can't have such a father for some reason, then having no father around may be better than having a bad or "iffy" one around (complicating things and interfering with the mother or other close adults who may be able to make up, to some degree, for what the person without a good father misses out on).
   
   I felt pretty much the same about both of my parents, so I always felt as if I was fortunate enough to have two wonderful parents.  It didn't matter to me what the sex of either of them was.  The bad side to having two wonderful parents we love so much is that there's the double-edged-sword factor of the horror of losing each of them.  I know this may be over-simplifying things (from a sheltered and fortunate point-of-view), but there's some truth to the thing that we don't miss what we've never had.
   
   I think - when it comes down to it - we all have to figure out what "makes a man" on our own.   I think the part of the equation that determines what it is (about either a good father, a bad one, or a missing one) is us; and how much we admire, accept, approve of (etc.) about a father (or men in general) depends on a father's personality, as well as our own personality and preferences.
   
   Then again, having two parents means we have two different personalities to watch and judge, as we (as children) judge and assess who and what it is we most admire (or least admire) in adults.  I almost think the fatherless issue isn't so much lack of having a father figure in one's life as it is lack of having different input from a second, close, adult's personality and ways of thinking.
   
   I think what, maybe, can make a different in how important it is to have that second parent may be how well adjusted/well balanced a child's only parent is.  A balanced parent can at least to try to step out herself and consider different thinking.  A less balanced/objective parent may have more trouble doing that (and if there's one thing that can knock even an otherwise balanced parent out of balance, it's often emotions.)  Not every parent (mother OR father) has a solid grip on his/her own emotions.

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