Stepchildren

1. 60

   Edda McIverposted 15 years ago

   Do you find challenging and sometimes difficult treat your stepchildren like your own one?
   Could you honestly say that you treat them equally?

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   1. 59

      tantrumposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I don't have stepchildren, but I'm sure I wouldn't love them the way I love my own!

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      1. 60

         Edda McIverposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         thanks for your honesty Tantrum

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      2. 80

         TamCorposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         I have to jump in here, lol...
         
         When I married my husband(hubber Tom Cornett) 21 years ago, it was a package deal--I had a daughter who was 5, and a son who was almost 4.
         
         Less than a year after we were married, our youngest son was born.  Some "well-meaning" person told me that Tom would never love our two oldest the way he did "his" son.
         
         I told Tom what she said, and you know what he said to me?
         
         "How could I love them any less?  I've had even more time to grow to love THEM."  And he honestly has showed all three of them the same amount of love and guidance through the years. 
         
         He is DAD to all of them--he walked our daughter down the aisle on her wedding day...his last name is the one our oldest son took as soon as he turned 18--because he wanted the same name as his "real" dad.
         
         But...any of you who know Tom on here already know what type of person he is, so this probably doesn't surprise you in the least!

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   2. 61

      Rangerwifeposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      I don't have step children, but I was a step-child.  I sometimes felt like I was treated differently.  Think about the children, not yourself.  They need that love.  Even if you don't feel the same about them as you do for your own children, you have to try for their sake.

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2. 64

   prettydarkhorseposted 15 years ago

   Yes, because they are children too, I love  children, I will try my best If I will have..

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   1. 59

      Stimpposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      You are a good person!

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3. 59

   Stimpposted 15 years ago

   I am the opposite.  I don't have BIO children, but I've had step children in my marriage, that ultimately ended in divorce AND  my fiance has 2 girls that are with us 50%.  it is CRAZY hard to try and raise someone else's children....espcially when the mother continually interferes with manipulation of their emotions, thoughts, feelings etc.  it sickens me actually.  I'm not sure why some biological mothers have such a hard time with their x's having another woman in thier life ESPECIALLY if they are the one's who kicked the man to the curb in the first place.  At any rate, I try my best given the hurt they toss at their father nearly daily and I am here to pick up the pieces.  Alright, I'm off the subject.

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4. 60

   Edda McIverposted 15 years ago

   Stimp I agree with you the reality is like you say it's crazy hard..and I speak for my experience..you can always do your best and try hard very bloody hard.

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5. 40

   samsbrposted 15 years ago

   I am not yet married boss

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6. 59

   kephriraposted 15 years ago

   Don't step parents have to be evil?

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   1. 59

      Stimpposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      YES...We try our best to be sure it's a Hansel and Gretel type situation
      
      

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7. 65

   SandyMcCollumposted 15 years ago

   I love children too, and after having four of my own and 14 foster kids over the years, I can say I didn't love all of them equally but I did treat them equally. They didn't ask to be there.

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8. 71

   KCC Big Countryposted 15 years ago

   I think my current husband who never had children has a tougher time accepting my daughter than a man would who had children of his own.  He's clueless about dealing with children.  To him, she's just competition to him. (She was already a teen when he came on the scene).

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   1. 59

      Stimpposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      THIS is very true.  We sometimes do feel like there is competition....no matter what the age of the children or gender for that matter.  I've been in this situation for 4 years and still feel a tinge of resentment when it comes to certain things.

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9. 59

   Clara Ghomesposted 15 years ago

   I am not yet married so I haven't yet experienced motherhood. But I am damn sure that if I would have had step children then I would treat them equally like my own kids. I believe in humanity rather than whats yours and what's mine..

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   1. 59

      Stimpposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      If the biological mother is in the picture, and your parenting style is different then the father's it would be more than a challenge to treat them the same, from a disciplinarian standpoint.  You would discipline your children very differently then you might discipline the steps.  Even though these children live here 50% of the time, I have to keep it "zipped" because if not, the wrath of the wicked witch (their mother) comes back to haunt and harass us via texts, voicemails, phone calls, poisoning of the girls minds, etc.  Do I treat them well, do we  care for one another and have fun....oh hell ya....however, they have pulled some stunts That never would have gotten past me, had they have been my own.  For instance....calling their mother to come and get them because they claimed WE HAD NO FOOD. Why? Because we weren't serving what THEY wanted for dinner....so they turn it dramatic and said our cupboards are empty. (BTW:  we gave them THREE entree selections...I NEVER got a choice, let alone three, when I was a kid...it was "eat it or go hungry.  period".) Nice huh?  I wonder how much that hurt their father to see them walk out the door that night based on one big fat lie...probably a lot right? So, I'm left to pick up the pieces of that hurt and then put a big ole smile on my face when they decide to come back....and they are 9 & 10 years old ONLY.  and because they are NOT my children, I have to keep quiet for the sake of my fiance. I will be here to Pick up the pieces of my fiances broken heart when they call and start spewing the venom that their mother has injected into their mouths.
      
      I'm not saying they are bad children, I'm just sayin' that the concept of treating everyone equally is a nice one but in some cases, not all, but some that is just not reality.  In my previous marriage, the children did the same stuff....played one parent against the other....so I'm not comin' at this from the standpoint of one situation.  But It is what it is..... 

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      1. 59

         Clara Ghomesposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Hummm.. I already said I have no experience of being amother.... but tell me does humanity exist??? even if you are not being cared or remunerated back by the children by giving love and care would you behave arrogantly towards the child? I think Humanism is something bigger than the feeling of broken heart.. No hard feelings for anyone.. just trying to be a human.. I respect your feelings

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10. 60

    Edda McIverposted 15 years ago

    Stimp i agree with you I had to deal with phone calls with her biological mother (that by the way she threw her out on cristmas year two years ago).."mum come to get me I want to come back to your house" and her mother answer "noyou can't"and pick up the pieces once again and be strong and try don't feel resentful for all the hard work, for all the lies that I have to deal daily, the stealimg etc and remind myself that she is only a child screw up majorly by her mother and just love her and hope for the best.

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11. 61

    Krystal Blueposted 15 years ago

    I am a step-mom and I have had the hassle of a birth mother interfering. Funny she was never around until she found out I moved in and then she wanted to be 'Mom'. Her own son didn't want her around, he didn't know her. I am Mom. Anyways, she has moved out of state and only calls once in a great while.
    He and I have a great relationship, the only thing is, I hate it when I have to be Mom, I'd rather be his friend, BUT, he needs a MOM. His Dad works a lot so I am here all the time, I get it all!! The attitude, the smart aleck comments, but I get the best of him too! He respects me and he listens to me.

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