If you were an adoptive parent, would you support your child's search?
If you were an adoptive parent, would you support your child in searching for his or her birth parents? Why or why not?
I'm not an adoptive parent but I can try to put myself in her shoes for a minute. On one hand, I know that I am on the insecure side and would feel threatened by the search. My child's yearning to know might make me feel as though I wasn't enough to fill that empty space and longing for his mother. But if I can put my own insecurities aside, I would try to put myself in the child's shoes. The biological birth parent is part of the me (the child) and it is natural to wonder about this genetic link as a way to put together all the puzzle pieces of who I am. If I can see it that way, I would encourage my adoptive child to seek his biological parents or at least know their history. The not knowing leaves huge gaps in the psyche. Chances are, the child will know that his true parent is the one who loved and cared for it through the years, and his wanting to know about his genetic past is nothing to feel threatened by.
Adopted people and non-adopted people alike often assume that adoptive mothers are insecure about their child searching for, or meeting, the birth family. Not all are insecure in that way at all. read more
I would support my child as I believe it is important to know where you came from. I would also prepare them for the fact that their real family may reject them as unfortunately this happened to my mother-in-law and it took her years to get over it.
Oh, how sad, sad, sad for her. Hearing that just breaks my heart. How can anyone reject her own child? I don't understand.
Thanks, Lori. No, I don't understand either. She said that she didn't want her when she was born and she doesn't want her now. After spending some time in social services I learned that some families have issues and so it is best to prepare for it.
Wow. That's pretty shocking. I spent my entire life preparing to be rejected and was shocked when what I got was a whole new family. It works out well for some of us, but rejection isn't uncommon either. My sister's birthmom touched base and vanished
What purpose would be served by hindering the search? If a young man or woman is old enough to pursue that question and those curiosities, they would be old enough to better define parenthood. A biological parent is not a mom or dad. Practically speaking, there are questions of family medical history that can be resolved by contact and dialogue with the biological parent(s). I understand this issue can feel threatening to the parents who raised the child but, in my opinion, it would be counterproductive to hinder the youngster's search unless you feel in your heart that the reality and knowledge of the birth parents would be damaging.
Yes, I would support my child wanting to seek out his/her birth family. Why? Humans want to and have a strong need to know where they come from and who they are. If the birth mother or father were in prison, on drugs, or had a criminal file, I'd want to warn my child and suggest they wait until they are 21 (most states have a law that one has to be 18). I'd also suggest that my child do some heavy thinking because no one knows how it would work out- would there be a reunion, how would that work out, what happens if the birth mother/father/family doesn't want to know the child?
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